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OUT OF THE BOX.

2011-09-13T23:37:00.001+08:00

A Reaction Paper based on ‘Gendercide in India Add|Sugar and Spice by The Economist’.

I guess most of the Indian girls were singing Beyoncé ‘s If I were a Boy by now. No I’m not kidding here, but I really can’t blame them if they wished they were a boy instead.

The preference of male over girls have been a long practiced in Asian countries, furnished with the belief that male can spread the name and the values long kept within the family, including properties, wealth and leadership. For centuries now, caste system has been one of the most influential and deciding factors as a pattern of social stratification and segregation in most of the Asian countries. The system is so deeply rooted that each and every aspect of human life in these societies is affected and shaped by it. Women are the most vulnerable and the worst affected members since they suffer internal oppression and, gender bias and discrimination. This has led to gender imbalance and eventually opening routes on significant social problems as well. The provenance of dowry contributed also on why there’s a fine line that separates men from women in India. The bride’s family is forced to give a financial counterpart and this means that poor families would suffer and would ultimately prefer having sons than daughters. But what’s alarming is that this kind of preference is not just rampant on poor families but to rich families as well. Social reasons are reasons I can barely understand, I have a mother, three sisters and friends who happened to be girls and saying that they have to die for social reasons is just a ‘hello, should I kill you first?’. I mean these girls can do better than what we think they can and if we would allow them to have equal opportunities as we, men, have, I just know they would do far better.

And here’s one sad truth, abortion. The spread of fetal-imaging technology has skewed the sex ratio. Worse is, this explains what would otherwise be something of a puzzle: sexual disparities tend to rise with income and education, which you would not expect if “backward thinking” was all that mattered. For Christ’s sake, not giving these fetuses chances to see the world as we see it just because they are girls is just not human. They don’t even know why this thing called gendercide exists and yet for no reasons we kill them just before they can explain why they have to exist.

Apparently, the existence of activists and feminist is a clear manifestation of an emerging power against gendercide and a picture of how greatly these women were affected with preference for male for the entire human existence. It is kind of really overwhelming that on the one hand, the old patriarchal notion that males are more valuable than females is starting to reversed — that was always a sexist and bigoted idea that unnecessarily led to much social inequality and division. The most important factor in changing attitudes toward women was the deep-seated budge in the country’s cost-cutting measure that opened the doors to women in the work force as never before and dismantled long-held traditions, which so devalued daughters that mothers would often apologize for giving birth to a girl. But on the other hand, aren’t we just trading in one set of gender biases for another? I mean we just allow them for their work force and yeah, women will always be women as seen before. Doesn’t this expectation only reinforce gender stereotypes and limit the overall life choices that women have? This always leaves women as the second best, an option.

You can never blame them for being born women. It is but sad to hear that with this reason, girls were more likely to be considered as second-option in the society. This does not go only for India but to the rest of Asian countries who treat Asian women less than men. I suppose you can’t change everything or centuries of tradition — overnight, so perhaps we need to be satisfied with small, little victories, one at at a time. In other words, some progress is better than no progress. And with this, I ask ‘gender equality, quo-vadis?’

BREAKING UP WITH STRESS.

2011-09-05T22:37:00.005+08:00

A Reflection/Reaction Paper on PAHAMPANG 2011.
(requirement number two sa socsci 10 and hist2 mehn. tengene lang again!)

PRELUDE.

It is said that nothing’s fair enough. Absolutely. But for the most part, you get what you give.

OK. Do I have to rant about the Pahampang 2011 results? Nope. I guess anything seemed better than disappointing my own self. I mean whenever you're having a bad day, someone else out there is having a worse day so let’s just stop and focus on all the good things. To the University Student Council, I’m sure they did a pretty good job on having a, well let’s say a not-that-friendly competition but a first-rate flow of activities. Thinking you can just count them with your meager fingers; it fascinates me that they were able to still pursue the event, despite the budget cut, and professors and administration staffs trying to pull some of the affairs off. I just hope that the next members of the USC, whoever they may be, noted some of the lapses of the present council and will try to take action on them as they take the spot for the next school year. Nothing’s really perfect, because if everything’s perfect then we wouldn’t be human at all. To the academic organizations, oh well, a great fight. The results weren’t that predictable. You win some. You lose some. Whatever it is, just don’t give up on it yet. And if you don’t get it, well, you might get something better. It does not matter when your success comes – it could be now, the next school year, success can come whenever you want it to.

THE REAL THING.

So here it goes, this paper is a reaction paper on some of the events on Pahampang 2011.

Cheering. That was the time for us to shine, the time when our dreams are within reach and possibilities vast. That was the time for all of us to become the people we've always dreamed of being. And it all died down on that very day.

08/31/11. We had a one shot to show a month-long preparation, and it’s a make or break. As for the entire show, it was great. Just for a cheering competition. Skimmers’ performance was expectedly hilarious and yeah indeed award winning. I mean, it’s their craft, if there’s something they are good at, cheering is one. Elektrons was a shocker, having Mayans as a theme was a serious threat to any academic org. The College of Fisheries made a great show as well. I just don’t know what the hell happened to Redbolts. As much as I don’t want to comment on them, I guess they really have a problem. For Clovers, just a fair show. Nothing spectacular enough to be noticed happen and yet they were on the top three. Damn it. For the city cheerers, nothing’s new. They were still the way they’ve always been for the last two years or just so I know. Another shocker is the Ugyon, seeing them on the covered court portraying old and worn out grandma and grandpas made me smile. I guess it’s never late for them to cheer theirselves up.

The result was okay, except for having Clovers in the top three. I’ve heard a lot of comments saying that would’ve been Fisheries or Sotech. No, I’m not making this as a shallow sense of consoling my own academic organization but what I saw was we did great. We had a great show, a good cheerleader who by the way didn’t win the best cheerleader which is kind of weird, a batch of cheerers who delivered the piece and cheers good enough to be heard clearly. I am not bitter about losing. I mean we all lose one at a time, but losing the opportunity to let these freshmen feel that they did a pretty good job makes me a bit hazy and sober and sad. Look, there’s no shame in losing when you know deep within you that you had won the battle. I was just hoping that I could make my team feel better. Seeing them in their colorful costume and having that disappointed face, made me feel like we weren’t really prepared a month-long to lose. Being one of the trainers and men behind the scene, I feel so bad for what happened. For the last three years, Sotech started to cast its name on the cheering arena and now we almost lost what the school has been trying to put up, a good name perhaps. And yes this is just a petty thing to feel bad for and yet it still makes us feel tangled and all.

Biting on the brighter side, we did our best. Everyone did their best and though we lost, it made me think that games like these were not all about who is or who the winners are. It’s all about what was built up, what made sense, what were you all up for. Sotech is a good team, it’s just that some were better. And let’s say we really deserve to be on the top three spot more than anyone else; it’s fleeting enough to know and to hear that people think of that and let us feel in our own little ways that we are winners.

Sports and Sponsoring Orgs. Hell, we’re all afraid. What you’ve got to do is figure out what you’re afraid of. Because when you put a face on it, you can beat it. Or better yet, you can use it. Think about it.

09/02/11. That’s what I’ve been thinking as I plunge on the pool representing Sotech for the Swimming Competition. It’s my first time to join an event, and not just an ordinary event but an athletic event. Way back in my younger years, sports and gaming were never good to me. With a scrawny figure and low endurance due to being stationary most of the time, I really had a hard time figuring out where and what I’m good at. As soon as I stepped in Miami, I had this goal of enrolling in a swimming class, you know just for fun, until one day I realized, I wanted to be a swimmer. I bet that wasn’t too late to make up a mind full of desperation.

So yeah, I was there, at the poolside of Iloilo Sports Complex Pool. I was really disturbed that I might get last or must I give up to the pool gasping for air, plus seeing swimmers who were really swimmers since then and yeah winning swimmers made me tremble and think. ‘Do I really have to do this for Sotech? This is a public humiliation’. But that didn’t stop me. No turning back. I have to do this or this would all be a shame. So I did it. I went for 100 meters back stroke and 50 meters breast stroke for the medley. For the backstroke, I luckily took the 2nd place. Ugyon was way too fast for me and knowing it was my first time to compete, that was indeed luck and say skills. For the medley, if weren’t for our exhausted female swimmer, we could’ve took a spot higher than the sixth. Now my last event was a bit unexpected, our male freestyle swimmer for relay backed out minutes before his event and that made me took his spot. I was really pissed knowing I still had an event on the night after the swimming competition. And yet, I was left with no choice but swim and so I did. We were fast enough that we had the 5th place. Our over-all ranking was 4th, not that bad but I know we could’ve done better.

09/01/11. I guess we always have to stand for what is right. Watching the game versus Redbolts and Clovers as they vie for the semis was really giving me hard breaths and made me feel like half-excited and half-worried. The game was a mess as I see it. I didn’t know what happened to Clovers but they weren’t on their fighting mood. Lots of errors and negligence. As soon as I act as a lineman on the game, I tried hard enough to eye the ball whether it was on the line, out or in, or whether they have service errors. I don’t want to end the game like everyone’s talking about the rules. That was sure a hard job but I commend all sponsoring organizations for pouring all effort to make things as fair as possible and time to make the Pahampang event possible. I’m not saying this because I’m one of the members of the sponsoring orgs. I’m saying this for players to realize that we are just doing our job and it’s really a big thing to do such since we can just play and leave our post as we wanted. I just hope everyone would realize that.

Literary/Musical – Paindisanay. I have to wrap this up because I don’t want to sound very boastful or arrogant or what.

09/02/11. We end up on 3rd place for the over-all Litmus and this wasn’t us for the last years of the event. We were always at the bottom until that very day. Hearing our a capella sang made me conclude that it was indeed their night. They sang songs that were sure hit and easy to sing along with, and the blending, it was absolutely good. They were indeed a good audio experience. I heard some of the competing teams but not all, and they didn’t sound good as our small choir. We only had few supporters in the AV Hall but as soon as they had their last note, I heard a good applaud and it seems that almost all liked it, no wonder we hit the first place.

Aside from that, we had our poetry in motion on the 5th place, duet on the 9th and modern dance on 6th. Well, to mention, I was one of the dancer. I just did great on enjoying the dance and win or lose, I’ll be fine. We were last the other year and 2nd to the last, last two years and hearing we end up on 6th was ‘OMG, SRSLY?’ I just know we had a great dance more than anyone else. It was a light dance, the dance that had been trending since then til now. And having a ballet dancer on the troupe was indeed an advantage. She did great and had taken the dance higher. The other teams were all great; I was just overwhelmed on our own dance and yeah that’s just it.

And yeah, before I forget to brag. I got third place for the essay writing competition. :]

There’s not that much to say when you’re on the stage seeing the audience. But that didn’t made me wished that I should’ve been an audience instead.

I guess this would be enough. And yeah, for the most part, you get what you give.

RANDOM

2011-08-10T21:08:00.005+08:00

DISCLAIMER: no time for copyreading and grammar/vocab/spelling/thought/sentence-construction check.

my apology. just grasp what you can.

and even the best fall down sometimes.

it’s been a while; i’ve been gone for so long. i think it’s time i’ll take it back.

screwed. fucked up. hysterical. numb. stressed. pressured. emotionally unstable. reactive. electronegative. starving. sleep-deprived.

i violated my rules for today: no facebook, no twitter, no internet.

but you know what? i’m preoccupied. i could’ve exploded with these emotions. it’s like i’m half nervous and half excited. and i just don’t know what to feel. i have an exam tomorrow. i got another one the other day. and great, i’m doomed to failure. i was out for the whole day today wandering. there’s this cheering stuff too: the application of engineering in routines and formations, tensions and moments on props dimension, and vocals in accordance to theories on sound waves and oscillations. not to mention that i have to busy myself on the next twenty four hours for the upcoming open house and lakan and lakambini pageant. wait there’s more. a report on buddhism which i can describe as ‘no sweat’. and yet if you’re looking at me now, i’m just fine. the usual haggard faced. i can’t say that i’m in grace under pressure because i’ve been under pressure my entire life. and as i said, haggard is the usual me.

anyway, you could tell me ‘i got more craploads dude. so stfu!’. to my face, that’s fine. but you should’ve known that i am more vulnerable to giving up. i’m the one who can’t contain much emotions for a day and sleep with a heavy heart. that might kill me. and that has been me for the gazillion moments of my existence. blame it to genes, if you could. i don’t know much about that. going back, yeah i’m weak. when the weight of the day falls down to me, i let it fall as it crashes me. but i’ve never tried drugs or cigarettes or salvia or whatever the new opium of the millennium is. i just sit down and stare the walls and ceilings til i figure out that it’s another day. and as the stillness of the night fades away, it takes a part of me i could never ever retrieve. it’s like accepting that dodos are dead and they vanished long time ago. you turn it into a fact and then eventually leave it right there without even trying to fight back or prove it wrong or settle on what you believe and somehow telling ‘yeah dodos exist at the back of my mind’.

do you get me? i don’t want to encapsulate all these thoughts and die tomorrow. i have to vent this out. I AM DEAD. i’ve been bleeding laments and heartaches on my academics and i can’t just blame it on anyone else. school activities, crushes and national issues (the Bangsamoro blah blah in Mindanao which scares me more than what i’ve felt with the same issue way back in high school) are killing me softly. i have to let it out and now they are so i’m cutting the drama.

i sing songs today and dance like i’m fine. i tried to conceal what i’m feeling and wait til i feel it’s ‘yes i’ll be fine’. i could’ve not done these and just focus to what’s bothering me. but i am not turning any younger. let me screw my life while the night’s still young so when i grow up i’ve got something to do – fix these ‘fucktardishness’. BOW.

i’ve said more than enough and yeah i’m becoming more stable, stable as the inert gases.

FREE CUT.

2011-07-25T22:23:00.000+08:00

A Reflection Paper on HINUGYAW 2011.

(requirement sa socsci 10 and hist 2 mehn. tengene lang!)

Maroon out of the Spectrum; UPV Stands Out. That’s the theme for this year’s Hinugyaw Modeling and Mascot Competition. I bet some of you screamed at the top of your lungs as models of your acad org were having their best pose on the catwalk, or when that epic Oble walked down the ramp wearing just a leaf. Or if you ran out of lungs, you might as well just laugh silently in the back of your mind as the mascots of every academic organization made fun of their selves. But beyond entertainment, what’s the catch? what is the rationale for doing and participating in such events? is it just for the screams? or the laughs? or is it something that would eventually make us realize that we are up for out standing all the odds?

Modeling

Modeling in UPV is based on a concept; it’s not the runway type. Height, body, walking, that’s given. The twist is that you have to say what you have to through walking, through the clothes you wore on that ramp. That’s something unique, isn’t it? But the effectiveness of the event is quite questionable. I mean, there are no faculties and school officials, even local governing bodies (which I supposed should be the one listening to what we have to say) who tries to listen to them. It always end up as the usual competition, one wins, others lose. This year’s theme has been defined in different perspectives, and it has always been of some sort very regionalistic, that thinking that we should always put our group on top of others. I don’t want to define the theme literally but it always boils down on the way it had to be: UPV Stands out. UPV must stand out.

Somehow, beyond that irrational view of the event, I can’t help but to describe how the night looked like when the models had their best walks in heels and footwear. Amidst the screams and tensions filling the covered court, creativity is in its peak. I commend all academic orgs for giving its audience a jaw-dropping visual experience. It’s a diversity of interpretations. Tycoons for example gave a glimpse on how the world looks like as of the moment, and the bottomline is like we should stand up for it to stand out. But for a second, I just thought of it as out of the context of some sort. I mean, where the hell is UPV? Magnates, on the otherhand, showed who did stand out from the genesis to the present time. They’re like trying to imply that at this present time, the TIME Mag’s Man and Women of Year should be Oble and Diwata, which I suppose is kind of right. Clovers is EPIC, that’s it. Good models, relevant to the theme. Fisheries, obvious enough, compared us to diamonds. It’s like a way of saying that we outstand all other gems forever. I don’t know what Skimmers are up for but they’re like Tycoons, the only difference is they stand against animal abuse. It’s not less than any other performances but again, where am I going to put UPV there? And here comes the black swans, the Redbolts. I still can’t relate it to the theme but I actually liked it. Elektrons showed the Japanese culture. They were critical enough to relate it to the theme. Japan has been the world’s technology advancement center. They stand out in the East. But unlike any other country, they face adversities beyond their grasp. But that doesn’t make them less of a power country. They strive again and yeah that’s it. They’re out of the spectrum again. Sotech, the fairytale. The University of the Philippines in the Visayas, is an ugly duckling for now for all the UP systems. But like the ugly duckling, it will turn into a beautiful swan. It will stand out and emerge like its sister units. Finally the Scions, I have to say that they’re like similar to Clovers. Hell yeah, and it ended exactly 10PM.

Life in the fast lane, it all sounds great and it is, however a model must work as though she is running a business and she is the product that others want. She needs to be out of the spectrum, and stand out. And that’s just what the typical life style of a normal working model is and we are not talking about a supermodel here.

LARONG PINOY

When was the last time you spared your time to Chinese garter? to the so-called sack race? to piko? It’s been like thousands of years ago since I last played on the front yard of our house with these games and the like. And now coming across to something you always do seems like a different thing. It sounds like a first time after a long time. You feel earthed. But deep within you, you know you already knew it, you just have to figure out a way to finally wake that crazy guy within you and say ‘hey this me playing patintero back into grade school’.

I found it very ‘us’. I’m referring to the larong pinoy played on the three-day foundation anniversary. I mean, these are games that without a single doubt, belongs to the diverse culture we had acquired from the three century Hispanic era, three decades of a puppet government, and three years of ‘itsumo-itadakimasu’ colonization. It’s actually good to feel like the university invests on this kind of activities. For me, they gave every student a reason why we are far different to other cultures based on establishing a good ground for fun and leisure. Our country’s society tells us that as we grow up, playing games dubbed as ‘Laro ng Lahi’ is significantly part of it. These may test physical strength, or develop and stimulate critical thinking with decisiveness. We usually play games in teams or groups, and for the most part, we learn what teamwork and sportsmanship are all about; accepting defeat, cooperation and selflessness. We enjoyed and played these games when we were young without any referees or umpires. As kids, we began to learn drafting the rules, to follow these rules, and perhaps compromise.

But we all know that some win, some lose. When we lose, we learn to face its consequence. We may suffer some type of consequences such as losing a turn, being punished or being made to do certain tasks. But win or lose, we get enjoyment when we play these games. We lose and that is almost always a certainty, but as kids we look at it as an opportunity to try again next time.

STREETPAINTING

Last year, we didn’t have a street paint. I don’t know why but the good thing is that, now it’s back. Rendering artistic designs on pavements always seems to be cool to me. It’s like an avenue to express yourself through colors and paints. It’s a kind of painting depicting scenes and allowing people who pass by that road to define and interpret those artworks. This artwork offers opportunity for all street painting artists to allow a window not only to their galleries but outside of it also and a chance to let others know more about aesthetics and appreciate them, and to encourage others – especially the younger generation of street painters to become known and grow in experience. Reaching the public in this way allows the aspects of street painting to be shared with many who do not readily have the opportunity to see artworks on a busy day.

Then you say some magic words, and jump into the painting. You're hanging out with Van Gogh and Picasso or at least that's how I imagine it. In any case, let’s say the integration of the org’s logo (which should I say irrelevant to the theme), some of these street paintings are still quite impressive. The artworks are organized thematically. Based on what I’ve seen sub themes include absurdity in everyday life yet we stand out, history and memory, the image of the hero in us, the militant imagination and representation, the art of saying no. For this generation of artists, like others before them, streetpainting has not been just a way of escaping reality but of challenging it.

Artists find themselves attracted to these twilight zones and in recent years something of a movement has come to light, huddled around the idea of painting where we used to be, where we can possibly see such an artwork or an abandonment of some sort as the ultimate canvas. This burning curiosity to let others see what we want them to see exists to a greater or lesser degree in most people, but for some it is irresistible.

These pathwalks or pavements are like the woods in the old fairy tales, they are the place where the ordered reality of modern city life gives way to the irrational, the ambient and the surreal. So next time you think about scouting for art, why not look a little off the beaten track? Visibility is good for certain projects but the delightful, terrible intimacy afforded by art found in these pavements is just begging to be explored.

shine a light on her.

2011-01-10T12:20:00.003+08:00

she took the light and left me in the dark. she left me with a broken heart.

now i'm on my own. if anybody sees her, shine a light on her. – mcfly.

don’t get me wrong on this, i’ve moved on with my past love affair. totally. end of story. i just like the song, nothing more, nothing less. i’ve never been so caught in a song like this. i’m a music man, someone out of being a couch potato. and yet, i’ve never encountered a feeling of being so attached to a song like you’ve never imagined it would actually speak an inner you. you might want to ask if it’s not about my ex girlfriend, then how am i so emotionally involved with the song?

so there’s this girl i really like. no one knows i like her. i won’t let them. she caught me by surprise as our eyes met. i knew from then on, God made a perfect love story for me. she’s someone every guy would want to spend their lifetime with. i could not ask for more. she’s not the ideal one. i never saw her coming and so how would i know that she’s the one i’m looking for. i never looked for her and she did the same. it happened in a way we never expected.

i want things to be clear. we will never ever be the on-screen love teams you see in movies, like going to something i’ve been avoiding – a commitment. i don’t want that. to justify why i am avoiding commitment, i just want to end up smart and practical. commitments are responsibilities and expectations and heartaches and goodbyes. i want more than that. love. just love. it’s on a serious note. love is the greatest thing of all, you can refer to Corinthians. we need not to commit to show how deeply in love we are. we just have to show it in a way our loved ones could feel it. and frankly, love needs not to be mutual and equal, and thus i formulated the second law of love, similar to the second law of thermodynamics. and as i was saying, i need a laid-back relationship. i don’t want to hurt her, to see her cry and to see her leave me. i can’t stand that.

just to connect all these, she is the future. she took the light and left me in the dark. i’ve been looking for her but i always end up stuck in the dark. and when i take a step closer, she moves a step away from me. she left me with a broken heart. there comes a time when we met finally. i realized she was my childhood love affair. God really wanted her to see me, God granted the one i used to love. she was every man’s dream, she was what we’ve always wanted. yet we never knew how she’d look before; she can be as beautiful as athena or as dreadful as the minotaur. that’s why i never called her ideal. she was what i wanted but then i realized that i want a better her, and so i let her go. and yes, i don’t want to commit myself to the future. i don’t want to deprive myself of enjoying what’s in my grasp as of the moment. i love her. everyone else does. but i don’t want to expect too much from the future. i don’t want to chase it night and day because if the future could speak, she’d be disappointed of what i am. that pains her, and i just can’t stand that. so now i'm on my own. if anybody sees her, just shine a light on her.

2010. the year that was. 2011. the year that is.

2011-01-01T21:11:00.001+08:00

what had become of you? are you who you were a year ago or the year before that? your words, the way you act, the way you treat people. are you really who people think you are? or you’re just trying to project an image of an accepted socially normal individual?

yes, i’m talking to you and that backstabbing two-faced bastard/bitch within you. you sure sound good to everyone else but you sound good in talking bad. well i guess, you’re talking with your own kind. you have stories in common and laugh an evil laugh at it. how evil. how mean. a bunch of individuals who are of embarrassing behavior. shame on you. shame on them. i have nothing against you and i guess you have nothing against me. the last phrase, should i take that back because you really have something in opposition to me? i won’t. i don’t know you, you don’t know me. end of our story. you probably have nothing against me but you sure have to anyone else.

i swear to God this would be the last time i’ll talk about hating people. i really don’t hate them, i’m just pissed. who the hell are they to act like they rule the world? like they’re someone to look up to and make someone be ill emotionally and physically, perhaps with their never-ending hate. backstabbing people about their mistakes, societal malfunctions, behavior, about what these people have done, or just did? is that a work of an educated individual? come on. you’re a one big waste of space here on earth. seriously. grow up. please.

i just vented this out because some people are just beyond the limit; because i’m fed up reading my tumblr dashboard with anonymous hating tumblristas; my facebook news feed with blind items, people trying to cyber-bully other people and users very insensitive in posting statuses; with the network wars; and with people who just can’t get over the drama they’ve been living. if you’re one of them, i pity you. you’re making your life miserable. it’s okay if you can’t move on with your past love affairs or your past life, if you can’t catch up with the vast changing environment. that’s understandable because you’re up for something good or you just can't leave what has been good for you. but to hate, that long? how long can you hold you’re anger?

so here’s the catch. some people grow in anger and grief that they forgot what they’re up for. they hate and hate and hate. they’re pathetic. they’re losers in life, in love, in faith and in every aspect. i believe hate is somehow inevitable. there comes a time in our life that extreme loathing would be our last resort. but hate is like holding a ball of fire. we try to throw it to people but we realize that in the end, no one gets hurt but us. we should let it go, for when we let go of the things that plant us in pain and aches, happiness will follow. not the happiness you feel when you become triumphant of having a breath taking revenge or the happiness you feel when someone suffers. it’s happiness like having a clear blue sky in a windy day. no worries, no heartaches, no regrets, just love – love of having a great and good life, love of loving.

and if you’re hated, hating someone hating you is a no. a big no. you just exacerbate the scenario. when an intelligent man talks with a fool, the conversation always end up who’s who. same goes for aggravating hate, you all end up as evil as who the real evil is. instead of fighting back, why not sit back, relax and enjoy a movie? they will soon realize they’re heading a dead end and eventually find they’re way back to what is good. according to kubler-ross, there are five stages of grief: denial. anger. bargaining. depression. acceptance. see, acceptance will be the end of everything. let them accept the fact that they just can’t hate you that long. remember, a blistering mind to another blistering mind will form blisters. so let it be. it will cool down in God’s time.

2011 is a new year to start a new life. change for the better and not for the bitter. live life instead of chasing anger. be good. stay good. act good. live goodness no matter what because if you’re good, good vibes will follow.

good night. God Bless. :]

know-hows on photoshop.

2010-10-20T10:15:00.003+08:00

so i'm breaking up with the craploads, dramas and stress this academic year has to offer. it's not actually a break up. it's like a cool off. well, anyway i'm not in the mood to tell stories about my crs, my bacolod trip, my sem ender party and stories about me. my flight is on saturday and i'm stuck here in iloilo city. that sucks. for the mean time, i'm gonna share what keeps me busy on this stormy/rainy days in iloilo - photoshop. i've never tried doing this before and i guess it's time to have some know-hows.

yeah, it's narcissistic.
hiatus mode.

math and the aftermath.

2010-10-11T23:55:00.004+08:00

finding serenity again; fear is all i have right now. after taking my math exam, i think i need a new perspective. i guess, people who look through keyholes are apt to get the idea that most things are keyhole shaped.

well anyway, my mathematics is like a javelin hitting the ground. its projectile had reached its maximum height and now it’s slowly mortifying me. my first semester’s math, which is math 17 – combination of algebra and trigonometry, was definitely a good start. i was exempted for finals. in the case of my math 53 or elementary analysis, all i can say is i did my best. i didn’t even expected that i would get a high mark; all i ever wanted is to pass. but i was lucky, and i knew deep within me that i had given much effort to achieve that. and now, we’re upgraded to the next level as we usually termed it. when the going gets tougher, all we can do is to cope up. but i guess i haven’t dealt with the never ending difficulties of math.

there's no such thing as bragging. you're either lying or telling the truth. to tell you, i graduated high school being the best in math, same goes with my elementary years. i am the best, not bragging but as much as i’m thinking, when it comes to math. i’m the top priority when they’re picking representative/contestants to math competitions. my math exam results are in the range of 0-5 mistakes. and that was way back in high school, where math is fun and easy to learn. all these are the reasons why i’m ashamed right now. i used to be hailed and recognized when it comes to arithmetic, algebra, trig, geometry and analytic geometry. i always do the math. but all of the sudden, i am earthed. i vanished in the math wizardry, as if i never existed. the world is a vast field of excellence. i’m a sheep lost in it and being circled with lions. i need to find my way home or else i’ll be eaten alive. i need to enrich myself, grow smart and trick them all. i have to.

i took my finals in math ten hours ago and i haven’t finished it. for sure, i missed fifty points. for sure, i answered fifty of it and i don’t know if i got it all right. some of it, i guess. all is like impossible. i know i haven’t given much effort on this subject, but i know, even though how much effort i would exert, i am still on the line. that fine line between failure and passing. i am devastated. and i don’t know what to feel or to say. yes, these are just numbers. grades won’t define me. but this is my life, and whether i admit it or not, my future is being shaped in this class. i can’t afford to fail this. you know that feeling, that feeling like you’re almost there but still you didn’t make it? it’s a cut in a throat. math 54 is the gateway to math 55, to chem eng 31. and math 55 and chem eng 31 are our prerequisites to higher chemical engineering subjects. if we missed this, we’ll be off the track. and though we can still make it on some other time, it would be too late for us to make our dreams, our parents dreams for us, come true.

talking about rules are rules, fail is fail; do we really have to pass that test for us to know that we learned and mastered the subject? i guess we have to. but to burden us with items we barely understand, i guess it’s not fair. i know failing the subject can be all accounted to me, but i did what i could to make it to the make-or-break line. i know i could answer those questions, i just ran out of time. so i’m praying tonight, Lord please let me pass this. i know that more than anyone else, You know that i could pass. and i’m appealing to anyone this may concern, we are students who are very much willing to give up anything just to make it where should we in the next five years. and though we struggle on this, we continue to fight. we need encouragement, guidance and someone to push us to our limits. and at times that we feel like carrying the pressure and the world on our shoulders, putting us down and letting us feel that we don’t stand a chance on making our dreams come true are of no help. we stumble and fall, but we know we’ll learn. so please, if you really think that we deserve a grade less than three, think again. because as far as i’m concerned, a grade less than three is not equal to <3.>

getting high scores is not a measure of how good you are; failing a subject and taking it again, or passing the subject and topping the class are meaningless in the eyes of the Lord, because He knows what we really are and that is all that matters.

who's birthday are we celebrating?

2010-10-10T22:10:00.002+08:00

prescript: i’m really sorry for causing you all trouble. but please, read between the lines.

nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. we grow old by deserting our ideals. years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.

so today is the 10th day of the 10th month of the year 2010 (which is written the same way in both the american calendar and the european calendar) and i’m celebrating my birthday. for some who had an idea when his birthday is, you might find this weird and some of you might think i’m having a personality disorder or something. but it’s my birthday, it’s not his.

i guess that’s vague. that 'my and his' statement. who am i? i am the obdurate. who is he? he’s a frustrated academe man. he’s a chemical engineer in the making, i’m the contemplating artist. he’s the analyst, i’m the literalist. he’s a futurist, i’m a present-driven man. he’s the extrovert. i’m the introvert. he loves Cs, i love Js. he’s edwin john alido, i’m eduardo latino.

this is not a disorder. not that dissociative identity disorder or the multiple personality disorder in which a person displays multiple distinct identities or personalities; alter egos? pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment? nope. i can’t explain this like you’ll get it but this might help: i’m an another side of him. the side which you can’t see physically but the one you’re interacting in the cyber world. i’m the one who feeds this blog with reveries, day-to-day stories and reality bites. i’m the one who tweets sweet lines, foods for the brain and heart consolation quotes. i’m the tumblrista, the one who reblogs and repost pictures, the one who knows what is aesthetics, and how to admire admirable individuals. i’m the man behind that formspring ask, the one who knows how to ask questions and answer questions seriously. i’m the one who stays late to stalk individuals in facebook and chat with whoever is online. i am the cyber dude. i am who he is not.

five years ago, i was born. i was named after that huge blue monster in foster’s home for imaginary friends. i don’t know who my parents were then. all i know is my name and everytime i asked why i was named eduardo, they answered ‘because i’m imaginary’. well, that’s good. i’m like invisible but when i ask question they answer me. cool! i grew up hating numbers and loving letters. i read, write and speak. then one day i found out that i am really imaginary and that i’m not an entity. i am just part of someone who is absolutely not me. i tried to fight him when he tries to hide me, and that’s basically the reason why he, and of course i, fails. but we find a way to fix things, it’s what we call the shift. i am on the graveyard shift. he goes to school in the morning, get along with his friends and does his school stuffs. i play in the evening, have fun and sleep before 3 am. since i am sharing his body, we can’t both exhaust this, which we normally do. he, being the legitimate owner of this flesh, is very selfish. he used to take some of my time and i end up staying more than this body could. it falters and so we both suffer. good thing we are in good terms nowadays.

have i told you that i was a vagabond/parentless? not anymore. i found out that i was athena’s son, that greek goddess of wisdom, civilization and battles’ unico ijo. just a trivia, athena is one of the three virgin goddesses. she falls in love with someone in thoughts. it’s like a telepathic link for a love story. she conceived me in her thoughts and gave birth to me in someone else’s womb. i know you’re a bit jealous because i am a demigod. just deal with that, i never wish for this. and though it sounds a bit intimidating, be it. it’s really intimidating. i wish i knew who my dad was. mom and i never talked about dad. actually, we never had a conversation which i do understand. but it’s gloomy sometimes. i guess that’s the price you pay for having been blessed for some reasons.

well, anyway it’s my birthday. i am happy and i should be happy. if there’s one thing i really want and wish right now, maybe it’s love. i know that’s a chestnut on everyone’s birthday but seriously i want that. can’t we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting star, i could really use a wish right now.

p.s. if you’re one of those who posted greetings on my facebook wall. thank you very much. you make my existence valuable. i know you might get annoyed for feeling like fooled or something but i nor he ain’t tripping on you. i am dead serious. i know that he’s your friend and i am not. on his part, he’s a bit disappointed because some of his close friends never had an idea when his birthday is. but for those who barely knows him yet still greeted him, you are all appreciated for being so thoughtful. thanks anyway, you should’ve asked first. facebook reliance is not a crime but it’s a lesson learned for everyone else that “Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.”

and please don’t try to punch HIM when you see him finding out that it’s not his birthday today. good night. :]

just so you know.

2010-10-09T12:13:00.000+08:00

this is the speech i made for today's final exam/debate in our philosophical analysis class. i am tasked to defend the government side in implementing news/media black out during hostage taking crisis. the definition of the media black-out was based on Quisumbing's bill. this is not the complete defense on our stand; we divided the aspects on this issue. my speech is to somehow conclude the issue.

The Philippine press has enjoyed a long tradition of self-sufficiency from government control. Its newspapers are noted for a non-interventionist and lax “in-your-face” treatment of news, an inexorable denigration of government and politics and a lurid editorial style. Few margins have prevented journalists to cover hostage taking situations by all rebellious group or individual, for that matter. Government did call for a “news blackout” years ago but it seems like the press have been ignoring it. So why is it that we have to call for a news or media blackout during hostage taking scenarios?

First, sensationalism. Sensationalism is a manner of over-hyping events, being deliberately controversial, loud, self centered or acting to obtain attention. The August 23 hostage taking was a clear manifestation of a sensationalistic treatment of the scene. They were airing the event from 7am-9pm to the point that they air it live from 7pm until it finally ceases. This sensationalistic treatment depicted a bad image for the country jeopardizing foreign investments, the economy in general, tourism and international affairs. On that night, 2,000 to 3,000 Hongkong nationals and Euro travelers canceled their trip, and CNN released a statement that Philippines is the worst country to go to. It was nothing compared to North Korea’s attempt to launch a nuke or the never-ending terrorist attack in the Middle East, but the world looked Philippines as if every citizen here is hostage takers. Thanks to the media. That’s an understatement.

Second, media as part of the array of weapons in fighting hostage taker’s war. Let’s take the Abu Sayaf front for example, journalists did not exercise restraint in the coverage and had not treated tactical military information with sensitivity. As a result, the terrorists/hostage takers had the idea where the military would deploy themselves or their plans of attack. Same goes for the Quirino Hostage Crisis where the Mendoza monitored police action because he had an access to information in a form of a television in side the bus. Media exposure served for the hostage takers’ purposes; certain information compromised search and rescue operations. Media could also be used for disinformation. At one point in the August 23 hostage taking, a released victim shouted ‘all were dead’ while the media men aired it live when in fact there are still survivors inside the bus.

Third, media outlets often choose to report heavily on stories with shock value or attention-grabbing names or events, rather than reporting on more pressing issues to the general public. On that day, there were about hundreds of relevant issues that are supposed to be air for public information, like the preparation for the Miss Universe, 50 Pinay beauticians in Kuwait abused by their employer, the favoring of Mancao’s lawyers on Lacson’s house arrest, and many more.

Fourth, the violation of their code of ethics. A journalist has the function of recording and reporting of events as they happen. Crisis situations should be reported without becoming part of the event being covered. When a journalist becomes part of the events, he loses his objectivity and potentially places himself in a position where he might have to make a moral judgment outside of his function as a journalist. This was the case of Michael Rogas and Erwin Tulfo because they became part of the events. During the time that the Hostage Taker was shouting that he will shoot the hostages and giving deadlines for the police to release his brother, Michael Rogas and Erwin Tulfo found themselves a “part of the events" that unfolded as they tried, in person (in the case of Tulfo) and on the air, to get police authorities to respond to the threats of the Hostage Taker. Tulfo was even cursing police authorities for apparently not giving their pleas attention. The involvement in the incident, other than in a detached and objective coverage, is a breach of the ethics of journalism. Could not journalists make a judgment to get involved in the situation given the circumstances especially if it is to save lives? They could, but they cease being journalists at that point.

Finally, moral issues. The pain people feel and the drama behind during that scene is not a commodity. These are individuals who are under paranoia, and so why do we have to deepen the issue and turn their private life into a trending public interest? Why don’t we just leave their story out of the scenario? Because I believe after that scene, they’ll just forget it and thrust their microphone on another hostage taking scenario.

If you’re trying to use Article III Section 4, that is a passé; the classical argument here is that the article does not manifest an absolute stance on 'press freedom'. Even countries with the clearest constitutional provision that protect press freedom like US do not hold it absolutely. Press freedom under some laws may be bent under special and strict circumstances. When you talk about security issues, courts may find it hard to enforce such laws especially when press freedom may entail harm to the public. Talk about freedom of information, which is obviously commensurate to press freedom, even the media is limited from acquiring 'highly-sensitive' information.

This is why favoring a media/news black out during hostage taking is our stand. It's reasonably justifiable in a very strict extent. The hostage taking per se is a very sensitive security issue, where at times the media should be careful about. To weigh it down, media censorship is at some point necessary.

i just can't sleep ii.

2010-10-05T01:11:00.009+08:00

ok so this is i just can't sleep. part two. idk, but i feel so uncomfortable with my bed lately. well, i guess this has something to do with going home, that feeling of excitement and homed. or maybe having suicidal tendencies whenever i think of the summation of my math exam, chemistry exam and physics exam. or is it the bedbugs? so to plug out all these disturbances i come up with this brief and concise stuff.

today for me seems to be the last day. everyday provokes me to give my very best shot - to do the things i wanted to do or to try the deeds i'm hesitant to try, to say the words i frequently say or to have that courage to make a tell-all of the stuffs i regret to tell, to value each minute, the seconds and that glimpses. life is short as they say, that is definitely true. but i just want to add some twist to that quote, life is way too short to live that as a bad person. now, what i'm pointing out is, people always do the things that they thought would value their stay here in planet earth, yet never did they realize that in that span of time, most of it are just wasted and if not wasted, it's probably useless.

i have this feeling like the world is about to end, like a planet-size comet would collide and destroy planet earth in just a blink of an eye, or the never-ending global warming would kill all the trees and oxygen-giving organisms that will result into air crisis, or a missile in korea would be launched just enough for the world to vanish. what's worse is, the world would continue on its basic routine - happy, corrupted and sinful; while i was there inside a coffin and they keep on weeping to the fact that i was hit by a bus - that's the time my world ended, i am just a remain, my brain is like a raisin, and i can't think nor see.

i am under paranoia, disturbed, hysterical. what would life offer me when i'm about to perish?

p.s. i miss my highschool days. i'll find my way home and end the drama.

hello and goodbye. :/

2010-10-01T23:52:00.003+08:00

turning another page of my calendar. goodbye september, hello october.

today as i woke up, i asked myself if what else would enthrall me tomorrow. as if i am captivated of the moment that heraclitus must be right, that things are about to change, as fast as they could, as abstemious and sober like we never expected at all, or just a breath away from what we used to live. this makes me wonder how long does it takes to change someone else’s life, what measure should be used in order to be that accurate to define change, or it is just enough to make things and life worth living for. could it be four years of listening to the senseless world of numbers? could it be a year of seating in your armchair then wait for the bell to signify that the school year is over? can your life change in a month or a week with a friend to hold and tell you they have to go coz it’s getting dark? a single day of staring the one you love with her friends being happy, would it be enough? can your life change in an hour of writing posts about change? but i’ll bet that a skip of a minute would change everything. change, change, change.

mr. webster defines change as alteration, variation, or modification, or the result of this. and so? nywei, webster was never been wrong so i’ll have to say that he is right.

there are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at crossroads – afraid, confused, without a road map. but once in a while, we tend to choose a better path. we push ourselves into something better - something found just beyond the feeling of going alone or something just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone else in or to give ourselves the second chance to start it all over again, something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream. because it’s only when you’re in test that you’ll truly realize and discover who you are and what are you made of, and it’s only when you’re tested that you can find out what you can be. the person you want to be really does exist, somewhere on the other side of hardwork and faith and belief and beyond heartache and fear of what lies ahead. i know this sounds like the one tree hill but seriously, it's almost like this.

i am quite cynical and skeptical about the word and the world of change. being a college student, there are things that i’m already used to. i might be worn out about these things but at least i’m used to it, i haven’t felt any erroneous about it. now, what if everything would change? can i adopt the instant change? would it be positive for me and for my emotional growth or would it be the other way?

change can strike everyone like a lightning. it may hit you in an open field anytime it wants to hit you. but the thing is how you handle it and how you’ll overcome it.

p.s. my brother celebrated his 15th year of existence now. sad thing i can't be with my family to complete his birthday. been there too, when my sister started studying here in iloilo. you know that feeling like you were never close to your siblings and you've been trying to stab each other, everyone in the family feels like that towards each other. but i guess every absence makes an impact. you'll wake up one day and realize that you miss those petty fights and those awkward feeling of having an apology. God, i miss them. so to my brother, Erwin James Alido, HAPPY BIRTHDAY and God bless you. :]

THE EVOLUTION OF TERRORISM

2010-09-29T23:52:00.003+08:00

[this is an essay i wrote years ago for my english iv paper.]

“The public's perception of personal risk, however, often does not fit together with the observable dimensions of the terrorist threat. “

Terrorism has occurred throughout history for a variety of reasons. Its causes can be historical, cultural, political, social, psychological, economic, or religious—or any combination of these. Some countries have proven to be particularly susceptible to terrorism at certain times. Terrorist violence escalated precipitously in those two countries for a decade before declining equally dramatically. Other countries have proven to be more resistant, and have experienced only a few isolated terrorist incidents.

In general, democratic countries have provided more fertile ground for terrorism because of the open nature of their societies. In such societies citizens have fundamental rights, civil liberties are legally protected, and government control and constant surveillance of its citizens and their activities is absent. In broad terms the causes that have commonly compelled people to engage in terrorism are grievances borne of political oppression, cultural domination, economic exploitation, ethnic discrimination, and religious persecution. Perceived inequities in the distribution of wealth and political power have led some terrorists to attempt to overthrow democratically elected governments. To achieve a fairer society, they would replace these governments with socialist or communist regimes. Finally, some terrorists are motivated by very specific issues, such as opposition to legalized abortion or nuclear energy, or the championing of environmental concerns and animal rights. They hope to pressure both the public and its representatives in government to enact legislation directly reflecting their particular concern.

For every terrorist's success, there are the countless failures. Terrorism is designed to threaten the personal safety of its target audience. It can tear apart the social fabric of a country by destroying business and cultural life and the mutual trust upon which society is based. Uncertainty about where and when the next terrorist attack will occur generates a fear that terrorism experts call “vicarious victimization.”

i just can't sleep.

2010-09-28T23:37:00.002+08:00

i’m having a break from the dramatic and stressful sleep-eat-study life here in UP. i want to be happy and be carefree for like a minute or an hour. i’m writing now, because this is what i want, this makes me happy. life is short, and if you're that fortunate, tomorrow’s another day to live if the sun will shine on you.

so i’m counting days; for my homecoming, for my birthday, for the next semester, for the yuletide, for the next year, for valentine’s day, for sem end, for vacation, for the next academic year. i’m counting days, how long would i be able to live? everyday i wake up i know i’d cheated death. but as i close my eyes i would realize i survived a day, a day closer to death. i’m scared. of death? nope. i’m afraid i would leave all the good memories i’ve spent with the people i love, of losing the ones i love. i don’t have any idea if i’ll be able to see them in that so-called life after death, that postmortem thing. but something’s telling me i’ve got to believe it, to hope for it. i don’t want to be a flesh turning to ash, guzzled by the shadows, swallowed by the darkness. i can’t be just like that and i guess same goes for everyone else.

right now, i guess someone got killed. i don’t know who that person is but i am green-eyed because i know the absence of that man has an impact, has affected the people who did know him. i don’t have any idea how he lived, how he got killed, but i know he mattered to someone else’s life and i’m absolute that he was and is loved. you see, i’m sometimes pessimistic, what if one day while i’m walking alone in the street someone will stab me or as i cross the lane, a bus would hit me or i’ll be having a leukemia and die the next day after knowing that; what if i’ll die, would people be selfless enough to care about me? i don’t know and that’s sad and painful. i believe sorrow is like the ocean. it’s deep and dark and bigger than all of us. pain is like a thief in the night – quiet, persistent, unfair, diminished by time and fate and love.

now, i’m about to sleep with a fear of what lies ahead of me. and if tomorrow my world ends, this post would be an epic.

it's time.

2010-09-25T05:19:00.002+08:00

how can i be so young and feel so old? it’s like, i never thought i’d have these many questions on my plate by now.

it’s 5:19 in the morning and there are two online on facebook, my antivirus signature database is out of date, i gained a follower on twitter. the sun is about to shine, and i smell like a rotten something, my bed is a total mess, and my brain’s pretty mashed up. but don’t you worry, i’m currently cleaning up my mess now.

so five hours ago, i was drunk. we were five drinking three bottles of rhum and i’m totally embarrassed for puking not just what i’ve eaten and drank that day, but for also puking my heart out – the stress, the pressure, the dilemmas. call me all you want, but i was just having a great time with great people. so-called friends have been pissing me off lately, i just need some company. i needed someone to talk, to laugh with, to share what i’ve been going through lately. i needed some strength, some force to keep me going and a little bit of hope that things will be okay. and they were all failing me. good thing alcohol was discovered, it’s a way to get rid pessimistic and choleric thoughts. even for a night or for five hours, it got me thinking nothing.

eight hours ago, i had a night stroll with kathleen. we talked anything under the stars – academe, people, party, etc. we had so much for a convo (convo is like a discussion, it’s a term used in gravity.com). but there’s one thing we talked about which had caught me, the views of some people about us approaching liberation. i really don’t get it, why do people have to keep an eye on other people? and most of the time, they only see what’s wrong and things for them is wrong. yeah, we party, do stuffs not so good for your naked eyes, get wasted, but that doesn’t mean we are horrible individuals. we do these because we just need some fun, some sort of stress reliever from what this fcuking world has to offer. after that night, we’re back to our normal day – eat a meal, study, sleep, wake up, then eat again. what do these folks get from sneaking stories about us? from getting us in trouble for telling malevolent stories? does it convene to their being a being? our acts of engaging to these is not their commodity. we are humans trying to enjoy life. so why don’t these people just go away and just watch things happen? because i believe after almost ruining everything we are striving to build, they’ll just leave us alone and thrust their senses to someone else’s acts. get a life, please.

twelve hours ago, james and i talked about transferring/shifting. i haven’t feel yet the necessity to transfer to diliman but i’ll be preparing my papers and apply for next year’s opening. thinking about what’s happening around me, i should be aware that it’s a life changing chance to somehow build a brighter future. i’m not so certain about this, but if i’ll be accepted, that’s an IF, it would just be a yes or a no. i mean i can cancel it right away when i find a reason to stay. the future is not certain. i am too. we talked for almost an hour as we fall in line in an automatic teller machine. aside from talking about that, we chatted also about our future career. i told him, i got plans on working abroad but i’ll be working in my highschool alma mater for a year after my graduation, right after graduation. i owe myself to my second home. it had gave me good memories to work on to. it’s not just a school, it was my world for four years. it had somehow reflected the reality i’m facing right now. the people i’ve met there are people who will always have a place in my heart. heroes, villains at some point, monsters, passers-by – we made a good movie. i have to find a way back to all these, that’s the least thing i can do. seasons change, but i’ll have to see myself if i’m still there, on someone else’s.

eighteen hours ago, i sent my mother an SMS. i said, i’m about to flunk three subjects and my grades are freaking low. i checked my current grade in analytical chemistry lab, 2.0. our final exam which we took yesterday was not yet counted, and it could make or break me. after that, our second long exam results in physics were released. i got 60. oh my. and it wasn’t the worse i got. i entered the math faculty room to see for my 4th long exam in math 54. and i failed by four points. and i also checked out my standing, it’s 3.0. i don’t know what to feel, be happy for barely passing or be sad for getting low grades this semester. i’m an average student, and this grades are not average. they’re below the average. i haven’t seen yet my standing in chemistry lec. that would be the worst, i think. what’s good is i still got my parents. they never pushed me through my limits. and i really appreciate it. my mother replied it’s okay and tell me i can do good next time. these words of encouragement are my strength right now. my family is my strength right now. i knew i somehow disappointed them in my studies but they also knew me; they knew i did my best, it’s just that it wasn’t good enough.

so now it’s 5:19. and i’m listening to kate voegele’s songs. hours had passed, and things are not the same as it was an hour ago. i forgot about the immensity of time, it’s worth, it’s context. we always try to hurry and grow up. we are somehow convinced that things will change after we spend our time to our folly. we look for holes. we believe that we have to be aged to be able to change things. but we forgot that when we’re young, an hour could have changed everything.

thought marathon. :]

2010-09-21T11:43:00.003+08:00

it’s said that the saddest thing a man will ever face is what might have been, but what about the man who is faced with what was, or what may never be, or what can no longer be?

ok, so things are pretty tartan and plain now. i got no class at this very jiffy and so i had to console the moment and do something. and know what, i had a movie marathon a while ago. when i say marathon, it’s not just playing movies after movies. i usually speed it up like two times faster and just read the subtitles. haha. the movies, eh? i know this sucks but i just watched ‘one more chance’. it’s my nth time watching this but i don’t know, there’s this still x-factor catching me. in relation to the quote prior to this paragraph, i took that from my favorite series one tree hill, people believed that ‘what if’-s are the world’s most overcastting thing. i do agree, at some point. i mean, having been divested of the chance to see things as it happens, is like missing a fraction of your life. what if i did this? what if i didn’t? we somehow believe that things could have been great for us, if not better, that we hope for having things turn out the way we wanted them or the way they should be. but i guess, with this kind of thinking, we are losing the point of living. yeah, regret makes us feel soothed. at the back of our mind, we think that we could have made it if we just put into consideration our ‘what if’-s. yet, we’re losing the point of fighting out what we have chosen, of living a life we were once determined to live for. what if is whattheef. we should fight through the regret and remorse of our mistakes or what had its way, our malice and our jealousy, and the shame we feel for not being the people we were meant to be. we should let that go for something better to have its way on us. we should live our life, forget chasing those wishful thinking.

going back to the quote, i am a man faced with what was, with what may never be and what can no longer be. what was? i was a man of expanding horizons, i was an optimist and a self-proclaimed harbinger. i had these fertile dreams of getting things, i had my way on making my hallucinations a reality. i was a man of persistence, never a quitter, never a loser. but looking at my reflection, what have i done to myself that i now barely know this man i used to? had i immerse myself much in the darkness that i forgot about the light? i am who i am not now. i seemed like a man of no direction. i face the currents as it hits me. sometimes i withstand it, most of the times, i don’t. i am no more a man of plans and high regard. my value is inversely proportional to time. i depreciate. but i’ve been used to this, and i’m somehow convinced that i am the man out of what i was. yeah, i don’t have plans of living a driven life because my idea of life is beyond my purpose. it’s His purpose and His will be done. and i quit, not because i can no longer endure it, but simply because there’s more to life than insisting myself in a phoney game. i may not have been on top of all right now, and i don’t have what it takes to be the man i used to, but let it be. life is more than that, i am more than that. i should have not deprived myself of enjoying what life offers me.

what may never be? what can no longer be? they say impossible is just a word but seriously? impossible is a truth. let’s admit it, there are things that can’t find their way to us because they simply can’t. her and me, that’s a never. i’ve lost myself for good that she could never love me. and i can’t love her back because i just can’t. yet, if we increase the probability of adding us, the last phrase applies. it can no longer be the way it used to be and that loses the whole point of putting two things back. why would you reassemble it knowing it didn’t worked out? second chances, talking about it is like sounding absurd. chances are given to people who lose the chance. in my case, i had the chance. it just didn’t work out well.

you see now, i really don’t care about what might have been, what was, what may never be or what can no longer be. because the bottomline here is – “what should be”.

so after watching one more chance, i watched leap year. it’s a nice movie. i’ve seen this before but with a different mood. and i had a different perspective in comparison now. i watched the film before without an emotion, like watching a film for the sake of watching one. and besides, i don’t have any idea what leap year is all about. as i watched it, i only got one thing – what is love. but as i watched it now, i think that it didn’t just simply define love, it also showed the difference between feeling loved and thinking you are loved. most of us, just jump into a relation because we think that we are loved. and yes we are, but most of us just conclude that we are loved without feeling we are. i guess it sort of vague, but let’s leave it there. we should learn how to differentiate these two stuffs.

so as you can notice, i am back to blogging. i started last night and i don’t know how long can i sustain this eagerness to write. we’ll have to see that as days pass by. for now, imma get back to school leaving you this picture of who i was, of what might have been my appearance now, of what can never be my appearance and of what i can no longer be.

ciao. :]

i just can't sleep.

2010-09-20T23:25:00.000+08:00

recognize that every day won't be sunny. and when you find yourself in the darkness of despair, remember that it’s only in the black of night that you can see the stars. and those stars will lead you back home.

i miss home. i mean, seriously. being homed, is like an enlightening thing to me. i've been astray, and i don't know if that's even the correct word to describe what i've been these past few months. but i guess, i am astray - away from the right or good, as in thought or behavior. you see, who you are is who you are. we’re liars. we’re thieves. we’re addicts. we take our happiness for granted until we hurt ourselves or someone else. we hold grudges. and when faced with our mistakes, we reinvent the past. we reinvent ourselves. at least we try. we’re prideful, and we’re lustful, and we’re incredibly flawed. and eventually, our flaws catch up to us. with this, sometimes i feel incredibly disconnected — really uncomfortable in my own skin. kind of life i don’t belong into this world or something, like I was born at the wrong time and I don’t fit. but when i'm home, i see people who makes me feel that i am loved. and that's the primary reason why i always feel like i have to be alone, because i'm used to this sick feeling of not being loved. i've got friends here, for some reasons, i consider them as my family. for some other reasons, i don't. way back into my younger years, friends are not my last resort. but in the long run of life, they got me cornered and i realized 'yeah, everybody needs somebody'. in my case now, it seems like people around me are just passers-by. i don't know but at some point, i feel like i'm lost in the multitude i'm into, that feeling of going out to something you wanted. i've encountered backstabbing two-faced beasts here, and i don't have to name them. i've got people lying to my face, sneaking around. and let's say i've not encountered them, but the feeling of assuming there are is not safe anymore. and these feel like hell. really. we have this hell week, or hell weeks and when we say hell week, we refer to stressful days of studying, doing reports, term papers and of piled up problems approaching the end of the semester. but i guess, with people you barely know, that's more likely to be a hell. and the weeks i'm supposed to spend with them are the hell-est weeks of my life. three more weeks, three more hell weeks and i'm coming home in a place where i can think of these people, if they are of no good or not, if they've got a place in me, because honestly, they don't have any now. and i just don't know. when they are faced with this ugly truth, i don't know if they will wonder why or just tell me, 'ok, the feeling's mutual'. i just need to be home. i just need some time to think of all these drama of getting to school.

okay, i just can't sleep with a heavy heart so i guess, i've bleed it out. good riddance to this dilemma, i can sleep now.

the end. :/ [aww]

2010-07-31T23:59:00.000+08:00

if passion drives you, let reasons hold the reins.
now i can't find those reasons.

i’m really getting serious with my academics right now. even if i know i can’t be that serious, i have to. i am and will be in a five year hell world. i should put my head in the game. i’ll have to stop drinking, stop excessive spending for luxury, stop flirting and liking girls, stop entertaining disturbances to my studies. i should do that until i finally receive my diploma. things were like putting me into pressure right now. i can’t afford to lose everything i and my parents have invested, the money, effort, etc. i wish thermodynamics would be applicable here, low temperature, low pressure; no pressure as i sleep or read a book in an air-conditioned room. but that’s so ‘physistifying’ [i coined that word and it means solely relying to physics. i know that sucks]. well anyway, things could never be that easy. they never will.

things i have to remember: i am here for my studies, nothing more, nothing less. party is a part of my study, as well as alcohol. that’s what you call social studies. surreal stuffs are of course surreal. that's why i hate them. love sounds like trouble for now. better be out of it because i'm better off without it. i should spend my allowance wisely. necessities first. what else? that’s all i have for now.

july is about to end, august here you come. hell week is real and it’s here in UP. consecutive exams will shake me and will turn me into a vampire. it’s time. i should be ready by now. sleep is the key to survive.

i run out of words to say. maybe this is the end of this post. i’m not so sure about this but i’m about to close this blog for now, for this semester. i don’t know, but i can feel the need. blogging takes time, it takes my time. stalking other bloggers takes time too. so i guess this is goodbye. read at your own risk. live. love. laugh. fcuking what? that’s my signature. i'll miss that. good night. :]

i'll be ok. now i am. :]

2010-07-28T18:48:00.004+08:00

i don’t have to pretend everything’s alright when i’m struggling to know why it is not. that’s exactly the thought i’m engrossed when i made this blog - for me to express what’s inside me. i made a one-click url to deflect my world in a page where i don’t have to pretend i’m ok when i am not, where i don’t have to smile when i’m sad. this blog is the only refuge i have now - an asylum of my true emotions and thoughts. so here’s the catch: i don’t know if you mean to post those harsh words. i don’t even know if it’s for me. i don’t know if you’re reading my posts here and assume things. i don’t know if you’re making fun out of my posts and laugh an evil laugh. i don’t know who you are by now. but there’s one thing i certainly do know, you’re hitting me below the belt and it hurts. but if that would eventually make you happy, i won’t stop you. just do your thing - go on talking behind my back, call me stupid or desperate, satisfy your cruelty and snicker at the top of your lungs, and i’m going to sit here and watch you do all these. but i have few words for you: you only know my name, you don’t know who i am.

enough of the tirade. this time, i want to share my mishaps for this day. i’d like to share what a normal student away from home goes through. i’d like to share the tragedy of the commons. just to give an insight, every path has its puddle, there’s no question to that. misadventures are inevitable, but suffering is optional. when we encounter misadventures, we don’t have to stop and wait til it’s gone. we should make another way out of it. when life takes the wind out of your sails, it is to test you at the oars. sometimes, constructiveness is born out of misadventures and adversities, when things seem so bad that you've got to grab your fate by the shoulders and shake it. God gave broad shoulders for heavy weights; a strong heart for meandering feelings. hailstorm chases you at times, heat kisses your lips at summertime, but not all the time. so better yet, keep up the pace, move slow and enjoy what’s enjoyable. humor is a good consolation. i tell you, life is a sphere of randomness and all you have to do is bite in the bright side.

where do i have to begin this? i woke up seeing jason, my roommate, almost off to school. uh-oh. i’m late, terribly late. that’s the first mishap. last night, we [former balay kanlaon residents] went out for a get-together. we used to see each other’s face everyday and i don’t know why we had to do that, but i was there. we drank, got drunk, and dropped. and today, i’m late for my first class. i went upstairs to have a bath but to my dismay, the dorm ran out of water. that’s the second mishap. showers were no use and i have to wait for like thirty minutes for the pail to be filled with water. after taking a bath, i realized something. it would be a shame to enter the class 45 minutes late and so i decided to skip my class. mishap #3. i did not just missed the lessons for that session, i also missed the class work which means i got zero. effin crap. that’s the fourth. i can’t afford these misadventures and so i had to be on my physics lab experiment where i got the fifth mishap. we had this experiment about equipotentials and coulomb’s law where i totally suck. i went out of the room without a single data on my lab notebook. the worst mishap is yet to come. i had a twenty bill on my wallet. how am i supposed to survive this day? i need to eat meals and pay fares. ok, that’s the sixth. the seventh is going to the automatic teller machine of landbank and finding out it’s offline. the eight is being informed that the operation will resume on friday. crap! i hurried to PNB to take chances on withdrawing but epic failed. service unavailable. that’s the ninth. fcuk. the tenth and i wished the last is getting stalled to debts. this day is really a doomday for me. save me from hell, please.

i had more than enough misadventures today but i guess tomorrow is another day. my misadventures will perhaps be compensated, or maybe not. yet the thing here is that i don’t care. life has more to offer. i slip and flip but i know how to dust it off. God will never give me a reason to hate Him or a reason to hate myself for being who i am right now, for what i’m enduring. misadventures as well as happiness is a part of our daily cycle. if you accept happiness, you should learn also how to accept misadventures because at times, happiness begins at the point of acceptance, the point when we stop questioning why sometimes things are unfair.

SONA.:]

2010-07-27T17:18:00.004+08:00

listen because only by listening can we truly gain a deeper understanding.

my mind was a bit hazy yesterday making my lab reports, joining the costume com for the upcoming cheering competition, and thinking stuffs i am not supposed to think. that’s exactly the reason why i never had an eye on the presidential speech. i am not required to make a reaction paper based on that tongue nor it was part of my bloody intentional action to bring about social, political, economic, or environmental change. i am not an activist but being here in UP gives me a sense of awareness on my very own country. most of us seem to care less with our present scenario, like a way of telling everyone else: it’s their business, i have my own anyway. but things should not be that way, we’re all for one and one for all here. if we just sit and watch our country as it falls, who would save it? we are the reality, and we shape it as it shapes us. it’s time for us to send some love and care for our country. anyway, i guess i am missing the point of my insight. back to what as i’m supposed to tell, i catch some clips of our newly seated president, PNoy, on his first state of the nation’s address and i am dazed with what i’ve grasped. i am not one of the yellow people’s coalition, and to tell you straight, i’m a totally green fan. but hearing what the Filipinos ought to know by now from a man i certainly unwanted is like listening to your favorite music, you can’t just get enough of it. what did i dig up anyway?

1. the country is suffering from a budget deficit, a big deficit. imagine, we fall short of Php19.67 billion. how could we have such shortage? corruption.

2. the country could only use a single percent of the Php1.54 trillion for the next six months and that’s the maximum. Php154, 000, 000 to tend the funds for calamity, health, education, infrastructures, public works and etc? hell no!

3. the populist policy of Arroyo made Napocor sell electricity from 2001 – 2004 and be mired to debt of which 200 billion pesos was absorbed by the government. no wonder why we suffer from rotating blackouts.

4. excessive allowances of the BOT of MWSS and for sure, other government agencies are predominant. paying incentives, bonuses, year-round grocery appropriation funds and other luxurious cash pays without paying a single cent to the retirement forfeit of its employees is an ignominy and injustice.

5. tax evaders and smugglers evades the national coffers. purchasing a car or a yacht without paying its tax is a hypocrisy. laymen would pay for value added taxes they should not pay in the first place but rich and rude individuals could not? you need not to procure if you can’t pay its tax. think of other citizens enduring the financial and fiscal crisis because of your irresponsibility.

6. on the brighter bite, we don’t have to spend millions for infrastructures and public works. PNoy shared an offer from a private group to build an expressway running from manila, to bulacan up to the cagayan valley with the government spending not even a single cent.

7. for agriculture, he disclosed plans by private groups to fund the construction of grains terminals, refrigeration facilities, road networks and post-harvest facilities. i hope he will also settle issues with regards to hacienda luisita. that should be his first assignment.

8. for the education sector, PNoy said the number of basic education would rise from the current 10 years to the global standard of 12 years. this should be reviewed, i suppose. 10 years sounds like hell, and 12 years would be a hello? this is a joke, isn’t it?

9. a government panel will start renegotiations with the Islamist separation groups and challenged the Communist Party of the Philippines to offer solid suggestions instead of just criticizing the government. no comment. i’ve spent my 16 years in Mindanao, and terrorism as well as claims of rebels for a terrain displacing residents is terrifying. i hope he’ll have to cease the fire and take away the smell of the gunpowder.

10. a new and efficient government will arise. this is something everybody wants, this is what i want.

the speech was good for almost thirty minutes and it was, of course, a well applauded speech; nevertheless, i’m looking forward for those words to turn into acts and be a well applauded deed. be it done with our help.

Vita Sackville-West wrote in Country Notes: i suppose the pleasure of country life lies really in the eternally renewed evidences of the determination to live. now i know, now you should know.

preoccupied. :&

2010-07-26T23:55:00.001+08:00

head under water. i can hardly breathe in and breathe out. this chemical engineering course is suffocating. it’s like a slapdash thing in my throat, blocking the food i should swallow and digest. if i only had the chance to shift or the choice to do so. but this is the point of no return, as i keep on instilling. i can’t turn my back on this after all the efforts i gave, after all the sufferings of my parents, after i’ve spent my money for the school fees. i should keep myself hanging or else, all of these will be invested into nothing. i want to learn to love this, i want to love this, i should love this.

well anyway, everyday is like hell for me. now i don’t have to wonder why friday is after thursday, and thursday is after wednesday. it’s like WThF – what the fuck? now what? i’m looking for a break, a holiday to figure things out, to reflect on all these, to give time to myself, to gain and find what i’ve lost in the long run of schooling. it’s like i’ve trounced the purpose of why i am here. everyone needs a space; if i could just ride a rocket and feel that space in the universe, i would do so. but seriously, i need some time to breathe and think like “hell yeah, this is what i need”. things were like pushing me to my limits, i need to gain such strength and defeat these stuffs.

sometimes, when people are already preoccupied with what they want, they tend to treat you less than before. that’s exactly what i feel right now. like, i am no longer a part of you, like i never existed at all. but that just the way things are as i assumed, in order to forget, you need a replacement. honestly, it’s not actually all about school; it’s more of my life to be told. i screwed it up and i’m fcuking stuck in this hellhole. to tell you frankly, i’m under repair. i’ve been stitching my wounds to heal after a sort of never-ending battle. i kind of suck with this and i know that. i am not dithering or fickle; i made my decisions for my own good but it seems like this decision is a slap to my face, like it’s a wrong move but i know deep inside me i’m right. to cut this short, i am bitter seeing things right now. i am not in a remorse mode, i’m just asking why now? i am not even desperate wishing things back the way it was, i’m just asking why does it have to be this way? you’re so much better without me and i just can’t take it. it’s been a year and i just can’t get over you. he’s better than me, i see that but please, that’s enough. just tell them not to tag me on your videos. it hurts a lot. i discern my fault, and i should blame myself for still hanging on, for keeping an eye on your profile, for like stalking you in a way. life is pretty unfair now, i can feel it. what happened to equality and justice? i’ve been asking God why things are not on my side right now, but i know God has greater plans than what i have for myself. i just need to be strong and wait til He says ‘it’s time’.

i am multitasking right now. i’m making my lab reports, and i’ll make my friend’s lab report right away [bangag wants me to do his lab report because it's kinda late. we need to print our report for our 7 am class. printers were like sleeping now. and so i accepted it. madali lang naman ako kausap eh, isa o dalawang litro lang ng beer, ayos na. we're from a mild drinking session and i need to finish this.] whenever i feel like i’m bored in computing and analyzing stuffs, i write about my insights just like what i’m doing now. it’s very delirious and quite frantic but that’s just the way my way is. writing what i feel is like an escape to the reality i abhor. now i’m going to focus on my report/reports. it’s due tomorrow and it’s a long, long way to go. i need to focus. i guess there’s no such thing as multitasking. you can only take one step at a time. and that’s what i’m currently doing not just on my school works but on my life.

life is way too short for a heavy drama, or a suspense, or a dreary action. but nothing’s short or long if we never keep an eye on the clock. thinking of time is like limiting to live life, sounds like a capsule-like life, it has an expiry. living life, on the other hand is like a waste of time or just so i thought. so why don’t we just live our fcuking lives, waste and think time having the best times of our lives.

absurd. :/

2010-07-25T14:47:00.008+08:00

complexonometric titration is killing me. i’ve been working on my lab report since tuesday and it seems like it will never come to an end. it should be and that’s why i’m working on it now. but then again, i just can’t stop myself to think other stuffs like facebook-ing, sleeping, blogging. craploads eating my brain. and now i’m in my procrastination mode. i don’t even understand myself why i’m engaging in this act. i am so unproductive these past few days or just so i know. in a minute, i’ll be thinking of reading books, studying my lessons, playing frisbee or volleyball. but i’ll find myself in a little while waking up from a sleep or just closing my battery emptied laptop. i don’t get it, like now, i’m supposed to do my lab report but i’m writing this post about my hasta manana habit. it’s disturbing. i’m totally out of my league once again.

well anyway, our foundation week came to a bombastic end last friday. the university of the philippines visayas unraveled its top models and modeling groups in HINUGYAW. my academic organization bagged the best modeling group. sotech rocked the covered court with the chess piece works. i had a glimpse of the tabulated scores, some judges gave the group 99.5, 99.6, 98. the range soared high but they deserve it anyway. good looking models dominated the runway, and all i have to do is stop, stare, jaw-drop and drool. so i’ll reveal my supposedly secret i-admire models. first on the list, tadaa – miss C of the skimmers. i won’t name names because i don’t want people reading these tease me. miss C is not the main model but she was stunning and outstanding that night. why do i like girls with names starting with letter C? c'mon. second, miss F of the sotech, she was not the main model but she was the black queen. and she’s more dominating. third, miss F, the best main female model. she was the best but i haven’t eyed here much for me to notice her. some say she’s a professional model. ok? fourth, from the city, she wore a pink dress that night and she got me. that’s all i know. haha. fifth and last, miss S of electrons. she’s my dorm mate. enough of crushes. i had more than enough on my list and adding them up would eventually lead me to a tragic death. i mean, they would have to kill me if they knew i like them. xD.

i grabbed some of the pics of the best modeling group. booyah. so cool. CHECKMATE.

hinugyaw was the highlight of the foundation week but it was not for me. the height of the show was when my friends from up diliman came to visit us. they wanted to see us badly that they would take a flight and stay here for meager nights. i miss them so much and i just can’t find the words to exactly define what i feel. jazer, kevin and karla were my better friends. better not because they are not the best, but because i just don’t consider best. well anyway, jazer was my roommate way back into my stay in balay kanlaon. he’s very smart, he always hit uno in math. he was also my classmate, BS ChE. he taught me chemistry because i was thrown into chemical engineering knowing nothing. i don’t have any idea what ionic charges are before, how to name compounds and how to deal with the elements. thanks to him, and now i’m comfortable with the chemistry.

karla was my blogmate when i was in high school. we come across each others blog without knowing who the hell wrote this and that. that was before we entered UP. UP gave me the chance to know the girl behind the generationexer. she always make us laugh; her jokes and the way she throws it always nail us. she was also my party mate. we drink, dance and drop. she also comforts me in my rough moments like the girls, how to deal with them, the heartbreak.

kevin was the queen of the boy’s wing. everyone in our wing, even the toughest boys, knows that he/she was important in the dorm. he/she gained respect despite having a different gender orientation. he/she makes us laugh and knows how to take things seriously. he/she is not the type of person you’ll be irritated like any other gay. he/she’s true and he/she’s always there to listen. he/she’s intelligent too, a college honorific scholar. i know it’s a bit awkward to read he/she, that’s why i’ll have to use SHE – a pronoun she’s worth of despite her gender orientation.

these three persons are the ones who made my stay here in UPV worthwhile. it’s a bit gloomy and phlegmatic knowing they were only here for a visit. it’s like you want them to stay, to enjoy the moments with you but you can’t. can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? i could really use a wish right now. i want them to go back here and enroll in the next semester but i know that would be a selfishness. i just can’t let them stay here because i want to; they had their own life before they met me and i don’t have the right to tell them ‘leave your life’. i know there’s a fine line among us right now, but that won’t stop us from believing that we’ll always be friends.

karla’s on her way to the airport now. tomorrow, jazer and kevin will leave too. i wish i can stop the world for a day or a week and be happy playing volleyball with them, or sharing my thoughts, insights and experiences, or watch them watch me as we kill the time. but that’s impossible. or as the prince of persia says, difficult but not impossible. sometimes i wish i can go back to the days where all i have to think about is how am i supposed to be happy. back to the days where i don’t know what hurt means, back to my innocence, back to my friendlessness, back to my shadow playing. but i have to think twice knowing that where, what, who i am now is the reflection of how i am nurtured with love and friendship. yeah, people come and people go. that’s inevitable but what’s important is knowing that when they come, they will leave you a mark as they go.

this has been a random post; from my laments on my academics and hasta manana habit to my Hinugyaw fever, to a dramatic tell-all about my friends. now it’s ETC – end of thinking capacity.

money matters. :]

2010-07-22T23:18:00.006+08:00

good? not. if you want to read something good, better leave.

i want to be a billionaire so freakin’ bad. lalala.

LSS. i’ve been singing that for six straight days. that’s a bit exaggerated but seriously, i just can’t get it out of my mind. and i’m starting to wonder why. since the day i first entered my philo 1 class, i just can’t help but to ask why stuffs are as we thought they are, why do i like it or hate it, why blah blah, why oh why. well anyway, i had more than enough of philosophical analysis hands-on. so i’m asking myself why – why do i keep singing this song? i have three assumptions: 1. i like the song. travie mccoy sang it well. 2. my crush sings it everytime i see her. i just can’t help myself to sing along. 3. i just want to be a billionaire so freaking bad. i’m motivating myself by singing this song to remind me of what am i supposed to do, what am i here for; thoughts like that. i guess it’s the third.

they say money can’t buy everything. ok. everything. but how about something? anything? i’m sure money can buy these. these are not the ‘everything’ we want but these ‘something’ and ‘anything’ can buy the stuffs that would make up eventually the ‘everything’ we used to want. i know it’s vague, and i just can’t explain how much money, a single coin or a bundle of one thousand peso bills, mean to me. money is the root of all evil, perhaps. but we should also consider the other side of the coin. flipping it, you’ll see that it is also the root of all the good stuffs. i am not a greedy man but i do consider money not just a mode of payment but also a source of nonfigurative worthless and priceless stuffs – happiness, love, appreciation. when money buys happiness, they call it amusement. when money buys love, they call it desperation. when money buys charity, they call it bribery. fcuk. what in the world are these people thinking? these are true at some point, but not all the time. the moment you paid for a dress you really want, isn’t it happiness? when you bought your first anniversary gift to your girlfriend, isn’t it love? when you donate cold cash to indigents, isn’t that charity? i am not parsimonious when it comes to stuffs; i often spend more than what i should. but the very moment i hold, see, smell, taste or hear something or anything out of money, an ice cream or a movie, i feel like i have everything i really want and badly need on that jiffy. after all, it’s the thought that counts and i’m assured of my SATISFACTION guaranteed.

going back to my i-want-to-be-a-billionaire-so-freaking-bad mode. if ever, in the near future, God will allow me to be a money maker, i’ll be spending all i have to see these:

1. PEACE.

2. LOVE.

3. EQUALITY.

4. JUSTICE.

5. FREEDOM

6. HAPPINESS

7. RESPECT.

8. INTEGRITY.

9. HONESTY.

10. GOD-CENTEREDNESS.

i know that aiming to achieve all of these is close to impossible. money as an instrument wouldn’t even be of greater help. now, you might ask me why am i writing this. my answer is tadaa: so i won’t be engrossed with money; so that whenever i have a cent, i will have to think of what i do need, of what the world badly needs; so i can make the world a better place for me and for everyone else. i am an existentialist and the world will rely on me as it would rely on you. i am an existentialist and the world will shape me as it would shape you.

money makes the world go round. i make money. the world makes someone else out of me. that’s an absolute truth undeniable in all ways. it’s a cycle – money. man. world. money. man. world. and it’s about time for us to be able to understand this, not just for the sake of understanding or knowing the cycle, but because you do understand and know that your own life owes you nothing compensated by you owing the world everything within you.

enough of money matters. let’s talk about business and busy-ness. UP Ballers for Sale. it's worth Php75.00. i know it's like much for a single baller but i guess there's no much for a cause. help us generate funds. thanks. :]

in line with the university’s foundation anniversary, tomorrow would be a loaded day for all UPV students – tree planting, medical check up, coastal clean-up, etc. i will be joining the OUnCES on our coastal clean-up. we’ll deal with the waste profiling in baybay norte. at the end of the day, the long wait will be over – the best models will be unraveled. Hinugyaw! Vive Para Servir.

jump off to bed. good night. :]

because i am better.

day out. :]

2010-07-18T12:15:00.005+08:00

i was out yesterday. out of hell. out of control. it’s actually a day where all i had to think about is myself. no books to read, no notes to copy, no lab reports on due. it all started with a snap and ended with a beer.

i stirred up late and i found my friends waiting outside the dormitory. like any other day, we felt like we’re going to a rally. massive. complete. we’re heading for a late breakfast. chitchatting humans, interesting stories, sarcastic jokes – sounds like a good start. as we sat and ate our meal, we talked about going to the city, movie going, doing city stuffs. i was hesitant at first because one, it’s not practical [going to the city seems like spending a week of your allowance]; two, i had to sacrifice my rest day [i’ve been a vamp these past few nights working on my reports and social networking, everyone deserves a 24hr sleep]; three, i’m lazy [this is the truth]. after a series of convincing, i was swayed to go with jason, lao, aldren and keziah to the city. who could ignore a treat – free fare, movie? i could not. good thing kez opened up that deal.

ok, so it was an all-boys day out. oh, i forgot kez. not being with her but i forgot about her being a female. haha. so we waited sick minutes for a jeepney. and when we were finally aboard the jeep, we just can’t help but laugh and laugh. there’s this granny, she wore a tight-fitting dress. we can almost see that mountain. we’re not pervs or acting like pervs. it’s just that it’s a public utility jeep. next time, choose what to wear. if you don’t want to be treated bad, then don’t put yourself in a situation you’ll be badly treated. think about your grandchildren, no offense. haha. well anyway, granny was a hot issue. we passed messages via phones and laugh. and there’s this one big gossiper. he tried to read jason’s message. he’s like going gago to stretch his neck. good thing we kept our phones privately that no one could ever peep. he’s not just a gossiper, he’s also a gay. kilometers away from miag-ao and most of us were drowsy. then this boy, i don’t know if he’s really sleepy or just pretending to be sleepy, looked like he’s after jason. poor jason. magnet kasi eh. haha. good thing we reached our destination and catch another jeep to the city proper. we were like first timers. we didn’t know our route. where’s SEBA? where’s LBC? where’s Atrium? how are we going to reach that? and we’re like walking question marks.

off. the driver finally told us where we should be. ok. we had our separate stuffs. aldren and jason went to a hair salon. lao, dropped earlier and i don’t have any idea where he’s heading. i went to lbc to drop my chemistry book. i’m going to send it to my sister in davao. she badly needs it. after that, kez and i went to her dentist. she had her orthodontic appliance back. not exactly back. the dentist will be spending long hours and days to make that. while kez is in the dental room, i went to my aunt’s house. my uncle’s back. and he had loads of chocolates. i was wishing for bucks. as i entered their door, i was crossing my fingers. money. money. money. but i failed. biting into the bright side, i got a plate of assorted chocolates and i ate all of it. i had to leave and i looked like i-just-went-here-to-have-my-chocolates so i hurried and went to SM City.

i reached SM and lao sent an SMS saying they’re at cinema 4. movie going! i ran out of money but good thing kez was there. she paid all our tickets. and we’ll have to pay her back whenever we wanted to [or is it just me?]. CINCO was the show. the cinema was crowded. we were standing at first. but we found our respective seats as soon as the early movie goers vacate the area. it smelled like vinegar. awful. i had to deal with that whiff just to watch the film.

CINCO – the review.

i’m sure the film was not all about horrifying the viewers. they gave it a taste of humor and good thing they attained it. i mean the laughing and the scaring. the crowd screams as the creep intensifies and laughs as the scenes went hilarious. i am not going to hit this movie down because i found it nice. i hate to hear people saying like it’s not that scary. admit it. the film was scary – the scenes, the musical scoring, the cast perhaps. and i found it really scenic because it depicts a Philippine setting and lifestyle – the slumps, the job of the laymen, the story of families and all the stuffs. they’re all with the touch of being a Filipino. it’s something we can be proud of. a piece of art standing on it’s own – not biased. there could have been flaws but watching the film, i enjoyed it. enough for the review.

after the film, we just can’t afford to talk what we’ve seen over and over again – the lines, the song. LMS, last movie syndrome. we rushed for the last trip back to miag-ao and so we had a panic buying – i bought a pair of slippers and a shirt for today’s OUNCES acquaintance party. i was able to buy these because kez lend me her money which i paid as soon as i bugged an ATM. the day was fun but it was not yet over.

we reached miag-ao around 9 and ate at OMP’s. i missed this. it’s my first time after a long time to eat there. well anyway, we sat and ate there. but to our surprise, our friends who were earlier there were treated free. there’s this one old man, loner type, asking my friends to drink. five liters of beers and a bunch of food, who could refuse that? i promised not to drink anymore but just to escape the treat, i drank. after emptying the bottles of beer, we left. we walked. we talked. i slept and now i’m awake. careless. carefee.

last night was fun and i wish it would be repetitive. but moments in life are not still pictures. they change as time passes. live. love. laugh. tomorrow’s another day.

all about parties. :]

2010-07-07T22:18:00.004+08:00

ain't no party like redbolt's akwe party and jason's birthday party. haha.

what can you say about responsible partying? i mean 'the-less-drink-less-dance'. weh? for real? it's for real mehnn. i tried it last night. now, i'm wishing i never tried. party over studies? party! i wished i partied hard. i guess there's no such thing as responsible partying. am i making sense? or am i just writing shits here? bottomline: party everyday!

the very reason why i wish i partied harder? i flunked my first math 54 long exam. not because i sacrificed my supposed time for studies, which i actually did; but because i just don't know how to deal with all the maths. now i realized that my heart is nowhere in the field of chemical engineering. if your heart is nowhere in it, never want it for a minute. haha. sounds like a song, a love song. anyway, i survived my first two semesters. that does not imply anything, right? i mean, so what? i survived and now i can't. but biting into the bright side, i flunked my first exam and who cares? my parents never gave me pressure. i belong to a family with average brains. and they just don't care at all. grades are just numbers, they won't define me for the rest of my life. there's more to life than these numbers.

minutes left and keziah anaud's birthday will be over. i was sort of snobbish today. it's just that i want to let her feel that she's important to us not just because it's her birthday, but because she is, everyday. well anyway, it's her birthday. time for payback. haha. she turned 17. and i was wondering, 17? oh cmon. make that 21. haha. that was a joke, don't take that seriously. so she's 17, 17 again? she can't be a vampire. but seriously, believe it or not, she is. so what's with her? i started hanging out with her for almost 3 quarters. and i just can't stop laughing everytime i'm with her. it's weird but i'm not alone. i mean, my other male friends also feel the same way towards her. she always makes us laugh and i wish she could stay longer here in UP. like she'll stay here until she reached nth year. i'm joking around. haha. but i hope she'll stay close to us until the apple tree bears oranges on the 32nd day of february. time flies fast. i hope she'll enjoy this year with us, her true and faithful (weh? di nga?) friends. stay stupid kez. haha. happy birthday. :]

i reached my limit. exhausted brain, visually limited. i know kez will read this but if you're not kez, well thanks for reading. i'm nourished. food for my brain. people will always pull you down, try to ruin what you've been building in your entire existence. but think, a ship won't sink unless the water gets in. in a world where eyes are biased and perfectionists, learn to deal with it. deal with it like telling them, 'if you can't take me, then deal with that, it's not my fault'. been there, done that. ciao.

[disclaimer: i'm not perfect; that's very basic. typo and grammatical errors, my apology.]

sotech acquaintance party.

2010-06-25T17:31:00.007+08:00

click this to check uploaded photos. :]

URSTOFF.

2010-06-24T23:45:00.003+08:00

pre-script: the net sucks. pictures during our acquaintance party will be posted as soon as i find a hot spot. for now, i'll be posting our group paper. :[

THE THEORY OF SPARKA

INTRODUCTION

Modernity exists in the form of a desire to wipe out whatever came earlier, in the hope of reaching at least a point that could be called a true present, a point of origin that marks a new departure.

In the advent of time, there are different stories and beliefs on how this earth came to be. Early philosophers believe that we are from a single drop of water; others deemed that the element of air started the creation of universe. These were primeval theories on the origin of earth, theories which in the long run were proven wrong. In the development of thinking, as well as the evolution of science, cosmogony and cosmology made the exploration of the universe boundless.

Extrapolation of the expansion of the universe backwards in time using general relativity yields an infinite density and temperature at a finite time in the past. This singularity signals the breakdown of general relativity. People used to believe that our expansion started with the explosion of a hot, dense solid known as the Big Bang Theory. But this does not conform to the creation of universe scientifically. Questions like what is this solid made of, how did it existed, how did it explode, and why humans existed out of nothingness are questions still unanswered today.

This concern leads us to another era of seeking the real nature and origin of the universe we are in. It is for this that we formulate and try to explain another theory to address this concern – The Sparka Theory.

We developed this theory based on our observation of the structure of the universe, on existing theoretical consideration, and the relation of life to the birth of the universe. We carefully studied key points on the existence of the cosmos and space such as the Law of Relativity, Big Bang Theory, the experiment of Alexander Oparin on the fundamentals of sparks or electricity on evolution of life, and existence of elements and compounds in our atmosphere. These key points pointed to one main urstoff – a single spark.

This sparks were proposed to be electrostatic particles which formed a solid dense ball. This ball expanded due to the collision of sparks inside it. This proposition is the basic body of the theory. In the next chapter, we will discuss the process and some key points to prove this theory.

URSTOFF

Etymology

The word sparka is derived from the Old English word “spaærka” which is now commonly known as spark. An electric spark, usually with a flash and a sharp noise, is a momentary electrostatic discharge caused when an electric current through an inductive device is suddenly interrupted. This spark can either be negatively or positively charged.

Discussion

The Theory of Sparka highlights the importance of electricity throughout the universe. It is supported with the recognition of existing natural electrical phenomena like lightning and St. Elmo’s fire, the known properties of plasma, ionized gases comprising 99% of the visible universe, and reactions due to electro-magnetic fields.

We believe that the nature and origin of the universe all come from a single spark. This spark was triggered by a cloud of charged particles which incidentally settled at one point making up a dense ball or sphere. Since this solid ball is made up of sparks with positive and negative charges, they tend to repel each other and thus further suffice the expansion of the universe. When it started to inflate, gases were its main by products. Gases formed here were the reason on the configuration of water, and other liquids. Some gases were too active and they tend to react with other gases to form other compounds, like methane and ammonia.

As they expand, repulsion takes place which detaches some part of the ball. This disengaged portion can be either positively or negatively charges. Then settling takes place again forming massive solids of different shapes and sizes to which we account the formation of planets, heavenly bodies and satellites, including Earth. After settling, repulsion and collision takes place once again and that explains formation of heat from the friction produced on ramming bodies. This heat and collision further produced fire. Some of the bodies were overheated and turned into a giant ball of fire; this explains the creation of sun. On the other hand, the existence of water prior to the formation of heavenly bodies, pinpoints the specific condition of some planets like that of Neptune and Uranus. Earth seemed to be the only planet where life is susceptible since it settled on a place where the elements of water, fire and air are at equilibrium.

Our theory also supports the variations on planetary features. Craters can be produced by cosmic mega-lightning electrical scarring rather than impacts with meteorites. We also consider in this endeavor to explain the sun and stars, and we regard their subsistence because they are powered electrically. Behavior of heavenly bodies is due to their interaction with electrified interplanetary plasma.

We believe that life on earth came from inanimate matter. The complex combination of manifestations and properties so characteristic of life must have arisen in the process of the evolution of matter. Inorganic molecules/particles suspended in air, if hit by charged particles as explained by the existence of a spark, forms organic molecules which are the primary components of RNA. RNA is synthesized to form DNA, DNA replicates to form chromosomes. This explains the existence of the first cell which due to heat, humidity and natural phenomena adapted to its environment to form organisms. This is based on the experiment conducted by Alexander Oparin. Evolution of man is related to the adaptation and mutation of the first organisms. Along its progress are the so-called missing links – the plants and animals.

Science and philosophy, by its very nature, attempts to find the best explanation for observed phenomena, and in this theory, we make something plausible enough to believe rather than settling for the conventional theories. Bigbang Theory which is the accepted theory of most of the humans, is very different to what we propose as the Theory of Sparka. We find some faulty and conflicting ideas in this theory that we gave us the reasons to make another theory. These faulty ideas are the following:

1. The explosion from zero volume at zero time of a corpuscle of energy equivalent to the mass and radiation that now constitute the Universe.

2. Where did this "primordial atom" and imagined a beginning when the whole universe exploded like "fireworks of unimaginable beauty" with a "big noise” came from?

3. The origin of the Big Bang itself is not susceptible to discussion

4. The description of scientists as "smug in their assurance" about the cosmic background radiation seemed more descriptive of the Big Bang Theory Collapses article.

5. The Big Bang cosmology may yet be superseded.

We believe that things can be further explained with the Theory of Sparka. In the discussion above we tried to answer and retort the conflicting ideas of the widely accepted theory. It is for this motive that we prefer the Theory of Sparka, believing that the universe came from a spark between charged particles rather than believing we all came from water, fire or air.

out of my league.

2010-06-23T14:50:00.005+08:00

the future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is. – C.S. Lewis.

after writing this post, let’s say after 45 minutes, i’ll be taking a nap. and after an hour of sleep-and-snore, i’ll attend our group discussion in philosophy 1. and after an hour or two of brainstorming for our urstoff, i’ll be preparing for our acquaintance party. after 5 hours, that’s maximum, of socializing, i’ll get back and jump off in my bed. after. after. after. very futuristic, isn’t it? sounds like a goal-oriented schedule. but before this series of after and happy ever after, what happened beforehand? REWIND.

[so this is all i wanted to share. it happened like 12 hours ago and i just can’t help myself but laugh on it.]

i was on my way to dream land when i heard a voice from the window. that’s minutes after 11 i guess; all dormitories closed, lights almost off, no vehicles, creepy night. our room is a room where you can usually hear passersby. anyway, she was shouting my name. ed. ed. i opened the window, it was janessa. whattheef is she doing in this hour outside my room? i mean, literally outside. her voice was earsplitting, it sounds like uh-oh-this-is-trouble. she was trying to tell me a story. my room mates, especially jason, were already dreaming sweet dreams and beautiful nightmares. i told her to see me in the hallway, we’ll talk with walls and windows between us. i asked her where is she from, what in the world is she doing at this hour, why is she doing that, who’s with her, like that questions. i stepped back as she started answering.

why step back? here’s her story. she was from the city. i didn’t bother to ask her why is she from the city. i assumed she came from her p.e. class, bowling? idk, that’s a wild assumption. on her way back here in miag-ao, she saw her crush on the same jeep she’s aboard. janessa has a flirty syndrome. haha. whenever she sees good-lucking guys, her bell rings and she has this tendency to do some crazy little stuffs. and that’s exactly the reason why she’s out there talking to me last night. so she’s with her crush. her crush was like a college heartthrob, a head turner. my girl friends like her. he’s a bs food tech freshie, yet janessa thought he’s a chem eng . anyway, janessa was going nuts over him so she plotted an evil plan. the plan? she’ll get off the jeep as the guy gets down from the jeep. and she’ll have to ask for the guy to drop her to her dorm. sounds easy, doing it was really hard. so she started the plan, the guy get off and she followed. then the guy was out of sight. haha. she shouted ‘hey, hey’ but the guy could not hear her or maybe he’s pretending he could not. janessa tried to keep in pace but she was left alone until she reached a dead end. poor girl. what’s worse is like she started to feel the creep of the night – blurry vision, peripheral imaginations, screeching sounds. she ran so fast until she reached my dorm. and she ran the mile (that’s a bit exaggerated, meters perhaps) to wake me up so i can blog it. she wanted me to write it here. ok, granted.

before. before. before. done with the reminisce. this sounds like a time travel and i’m on my way back to where is should be – the present. FASTFORWARD.

we usually talk about the future if we’re not talking about the past. but we don’t talk much about the present. it's a strange thing, but when you are dreading something, and would give anything to slow down time, it has a disobliging habit of speeding up. so let’s not worry about the future and bring the past back. we can’t take back time. let’s live today like there’s no tomorrow. and if tomorrow comes, live again.

time is an equal opportunity employer. each human being has exactly the same number of hours and minutes every day. rich people can't buy more hours. scientists can't invent new minutes. and you can't save time to spend it on another day. even so, time is amazingly fair and forgiving. no matter how much time you've wasted in the past, you still have an entire tomorrow.

p.s. i’ll post pictures tomorrow about our acquaintance party. for now, i’ll do my homework in philo, then get dressed up for the party, and then party! teeeheee.

untitled.

2010-06-22T21:25:00.004+08:00

i read bianca gonzales’ tweet this morning and i found out that charice is finally joining the powerhouse casts of glee on it next season. i checked out a site and there i have a catch on what her character is. she will be playing the role of a foreign exchange student whose “killer vocal get rachel contemplating murder" (click this). i am not a fan of glee but i do support filipino artists in the international scene; maybe it’s time for me to be a gleek. i had a glance on some of the comments posted with regards to the news. some were amazed, some were not. for me, i really don’t get the point of prejudice – telling she can’t make it, hating her because she made it. she’s a good singer, she can probably act, and i don’t have any idea if she can sing circles around lea (rachel). but who are we to judge her. we haven’t seen her yet in the pilot episode. cross the bridge when you get there. what’s worse is that some of the harshest comments were from her kababayans. what’s wrong with charice singing songs in glee? is it a big deal? or is it just you envy her because you’ll see her on your favorite show? let’s give her a chance. and for those who hate her much, ask yourself. can you sing the songs she used to sing? if you can, then you should have been in the cast. if you can’t, shame on you!

my day was not wasted. and it was not even filled with charice-in-the-glee syndrome. i had a life, and i’m living it today the way i lived it yesterday. like i told you yesterday, we conducted an experiment on the gravimetric analysis of determining percent phosphorus in fertilizer samples. our professor allowed us three meetings to finish the experiment; each meeting is a 3-hour session. it was actually undemanding and straightforward, i mean performing it. what’s really bugging is the time you should allot to desiccate and oven-heat the samples. preparing solutions was not that hard, but it’s not that easy too. stoichiometry is always there. at the end of the experiment, we will calculate the amount of phosphorus on the sample, and the statistical parameters – standard deviation, confidence limit, etc. chemistry is not statistics, is it? i love to work on the laboratory as much as i hate to make my lab reports. for that, help me God!

later on this day, i had my physics class. it was actually good until i answered a problem on the greenboard. i swear to God i was right! i checked the process, the given, even the correct answer at the back of the book, and yet, our professor still grilled me. the problem is to find the temperature at the plane where the wood meets the styrofoam, given that the layer of the wood is 3cm and is at -10 degrees celsius while the layer of the styro is 2.2 cm and is at 19 degrees celsius. we also wished to find out the rate of heat flow per square meter through this wall. well, anyway, i assumed that the heat current of the wood and the styro are equal, and i arrived to the correct answer. but our professor seems to be not convinced with my assumption. he asked questions like why did i assume that the heat currents between the surfaces are equal, are they really equal, and some other questions i forgot as of now. i told him that i equate them since they were in contact, obviously, the heat current on the part where they are in contact are equal. still not convinced, i opened the book and search an example problem similar to the problem i was tasked to do. and there it was, the process is exactly the same. i was really confused and confusion crept to my nerves, i nearly explode. i answered him, the heat currents are equal because they are in steady-state. that was it. i got it, finally! he won’t accept my earlier answer because he’s waiting for the term steady-state. ok. [sighs].

lesson learned for today? first, avoid prejudice. second, love things as much as you hate some. third, things are equal when they are in steady state. same goes with our emotion and feelings. finally, never assume things unless you know the reason why you should assume.

ps. we had our practice for our batch presentation tomorrow. i can’t wait for our acquaintance party, and to see our batch multimedia presentation.

nw: shrek 4. amazing! good night. :]

random.

2010-06-21T16:48:00.006+08:00

the universe may have a purpose, but nothing we know suggests that, if so, this purpose has any similarity to ours.

i’m making my first group homework in philo 1 and it has to do something with urstoff. well, i’m sure you’ve never heard that word. it was a never-heard-of word for me too. it sounds like it was just coined out from nothingness. well, anyway, our assignment is not about the etymology of urstoff. that word was already discussed in our class. it’s a german word which means primordial matter or the primary element. then what the fudge is our homework? we should make our own urstoff. in this kind of homework, we’ll have a hands-on experience on how great thinkers like thales, anaximander and anaximenes think. we’ll try to figure out an answer on why things exist, why are we here, what are we made of, how did this earth come to be, and other trivial questions that would tell the origin of all stuffs. after a long moment of brainstorming, our group came up with an idea – an electro-sparkling solid which began to radiate heat in the long run of existence and then explode.

it was actually based on the bigbang theory except for the fact that it was an electro-sparkling solid. we thought of it based on what we’ve learned in our chemistry series. btw, my group mates were fem (bs public health), lara (bs food technology), two upperclassmen which i guess are bs chemistry students, and another bs food technology student whose name i always forget. so having chemistry as our underlying principle, we put into consideration the concept of electrochemistry. one of our upperclassmen told us that they’ve learned in one of their chem. subjects that some of the organic elements were brought up from some sort of electric-expulsive inorganic element. and for that, we could easily explain the existence of humans since organic elements were the primary components of our body. we assumed too that time and space were already there, something like it can’t be created nor destroy. our group will meet again on wednesday to finalize our paper and i hope we’ll make it because we’ll be presenting the day after that, thursday.

enough of that. the semester is going tough and tougher as each day passes. on the 7th of july is our first long exam in math 54, that’s all about the application of integrals – length of arcs on xy plane, center of mass, centroids, fluid pressure, and work done on a particle, a spring, etc. our first long examination on chem 28 will be on the 12th of july. the topics included are chemical equilibrium – equilibrium constants in analytical chem, equilibrium state, effects of electrolytes on chemical equilibrium, activities and activity coefficient; and gravimetric methods of analysis – steps in gravimetric analysis, properties of precipitating reagents, coprecipitations, and application of gravimetric methods. speaking of gravimetry, we will perform our second experiment in chem 28 lab tomorrow about gravimetric analysis. on wednesday, we’ll perform our first physics lab experiment dealing with the wave motion: melde’s experiment. my schedule is very hectic. i need to be fed with a party and a party whore. haha.

my wish is granted. so instant, i can hardly believe it! sotech’s acquaintance party will be on wednesday. our theme is back to school. i don’t have any idea what to wear on that day but our batch already decided that we project an image of alumni getting back to school. still, i don’t know what to wear, can anyone help me? i really don’t speak prada. now i’m having problems with party and i’m thinking that i don’t even need this.

too much brainstorming lead to emptiness. i guess, i should take a holiday. maybe it’s a fall from grace, i’ll set off on a new chase.

signing off,

eduardo latino (empty).

happy father's day. :]

2010-06-20T01:40:00.012+08:00

he was never a good friend to me and it’s fair because i did not want to be his friend too. he even tried to slam my head, which he actually did, to the sink because he could not control his self from his raging anger, so pathetic. he nags everytime he sees me and i feel like what’s wrong with you. i used to hate him until one night, i found him dead. my mom cried hard as my siblings tried to comfort her. i looked at him closer and from a bird’s eye view i recognized him deeper. i don’t know what to feel as tears run down my cheeks.

the next day, i roused from bed, seeing him drinking his coffee. i knew it was a dream, and now i tried to understand my father more. he was never a good friend because he was the best. it’s just that it was me who closes the door everytime he tries to approach. he did slam my head to the sink. it was actually my fault, i showed disrespect and acted like i can handle things on my own. i over-exercised my freedom of speech to a point like i was not recognizing him as my father. every one of us had this so-called boiling point, when we reached that point we usually flare up. my father did not reached that point, he surpassed it. but he had a hypertension, and above his boiling point he could not took it anymore. i was so rude i did not put his illness into consideration. he did what he had to as a father. when it comes to nagging, he’s a pirated CD. his litany is repetitive and i was so narrow-minded to figure out that i’ve been doing need-to-be-nagged deeds over and over again. it’s my slouching posture he’s very concerned with. margaret courtney said “be kind to thy father, for when thou were young, who loved thee so fondly as he? he caught the first accents that fell from thy tongue, and joined in thy innocent glee.” a father never stands as tall as when he kneels to help a child.

4 years: My Daddy can do anything!

7 years: My Dad knows a lot…a whole lot.

8 years: My father does not know quite everything.

12 years: Oh well, naturally Father does not know that either.

14 years: Oh, Father? He is hopelessly old-fashioned.

21 years: Oh, that man-he is out of date!

25 years: He knows a little bit about it, but not much.

30 years: I must find out what Dad thinks about it.

35 years: Before we decide, we will get Dad's idea first.

50 years: What would Dad have thought about that?

60 years: My Dad knew literally everything!

65 years: I wish I could talk it over with Dad once more. –ANONYMOUS.

now, i’m miles and miles away from him, and i just can’t help myself thinking what would happen to me when time comes he’ll leave us and rest in peace (knocking on wood). i never had a chance to show him how i deeply appreciate him as a father and how i love to love him everyday of my life. he was a father, i was a rebel. but that does not stop him to show me what does it take to be a father. i guess, it's only when you grow up, and step back from him, or leave him for your own career and your own life – it's only then that you can measure his greatness and fully appreciate it. pride reinforces love. i like this line from kent nerburn: until you have a son of your own, you will never know the joy, the love beyond feeling that resonates in the heart of a father as he looks upon his son. you will never know the sense of honor that makes a man want to be more than he is and to pass something good and hopeful into the hands of his son. and you will never know the heartbreak of the fathers who are haunted by the personal demons that keep them from being the men they want their sons to be. someday it will all going to make sense. you can never understand things as fathers see it unless you consider yourself as a father. today is father’s day and though he can’t read this, i’ll try to share to those who read this that he was and he is still a good father to me. it doesn’t matter who my father was; it matters who i remember he was.

whenever i hear the name of my father, and even my mother, it seems like i hear the word love. it’s because everytime i saw them, they showed me, in all ways, i am loved. a father is not just a parent or someone who had/has a child. he is a man who loved his wife, made a child out of love, loved his child/children, raised them in love, and be a man of love. love is what it takes for a man to be called a father, not a beautiful wife, nor a bunch of successful offspring, not even an elegant house. and love is what made me call my father a father. my father didn’t teach me how to live, instead, he lived and let me learn as i watched him do it. that’s one of the things i liked about him aside from these: he never smokes. he knows what’s good for his health and that’s the main reason why i don’t smoke no matter how much peer pressure i get. he tolerates drinking alcohol but not getting drunk. he wants us to learn things we’ll learn when we socialize. he even wants my friends to drop by and drink bottles of beers. but when it comes to sloppy drinking, he’s very strict. getting drunk is a behavior of a bastard, as he said. yet, whenever he sees us inebriated, he’s still there to rescue. and he doesn’t only do that to his children but to anyone else too. he finds ways to give us what we need and what we want. my father is a teacher and just an average-earner. when time comes that i’m on a fight with my mother, even when he already ceded all his salary to my mother, he will still make a way to provide my daily allowance. he does not take sides and i believe he just wants things to be fair. tell him you need a new polo for a special occasion next week and he’ll be taking you to the nearest department store as soon as you finish talking. he is hardworking. being hardworking has its advantages and disadvantages but i guess that’s something i’ll have to buy. he leaves early in the morning and comes home late at night for work. he still works on weekends, and it seems like he doesn’t have time for us. but i realized that, he really cared for us because he devoted his time for work to be the breadwinner and provide our daily needs. he’s a good example. small boys like me become big men through the influence of big men like my father who care about small boys. there are lots of things i really liked about my father but i guess it would take a lots of days or weeks to complete that list. my father is not a thing to be capsulated, his deeds are beyond what is seen.

it is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father. my father did a good job on raising us, because no matter how stubborn we are, how rude we are to him, at the end of the day we still look at him as a father, as our very own father.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY, MR.EDWIN C. ALIDO.

------------------------

sino tatay mo?

happy father's day sa kanya. :]

it's all about physics.

2010-06-19T14:58:00.006+08:00

love is a matter of chemistry. sex is a matter of physics.

we won’t be talking about love here, not anymore. nor sex, never. let’s talk about something educational; physics specifically thermodynamics? tehee!

thermodynamics is the study of the effects of work, heat and energy done on a system. so yesterday, we had a discussion about some concepts of thermodynamics – thermal heat expansion, phase changes, heat transfer, etc. it was a sort of review since we already took some concepts of thermodynamics back in general chemistry except for the fact that we dealt with physical stuffs, macro sizes and preparatory lessons related to our future profession.

in our first meeting, we converse some ideas we never tried to ask before. why do we have calories as a unit for heat when we should use joules in its place because heat is a form of energy? what will happen to the world when someone discovered that there are systems who can subsist below 0 K or -273.15 degrees Celsius which is the starting point of the absolute temperature scale? why does water exhibits a certain anomalous behavior of expanding when its temperature is above 4 degrees Celsius and below 0 degrees Celsius, and decreases in volume with increasing temperature between 0-4 degrees Celsius? what is a blackbody? these are the questions we sought to answer before the class ends and i believe our professor gave a clear vision on all of these. i never imagined myself listening attentively in unholy hours. i used to sleep in unholy hours, or pinch myself as i make doodles of people around me if i’m in a class. anyway, i’m thinking it’s because our professor made himself a big joke inside the class. it was really astounding to see him make us laugh. my classmates under his class last semester told me he’s really boring and very sick, and now i wonder why he’s not. well, things change and so does he. anyway, one of his joke relates to heat transfer. physical contact, a form of conduction, is not a good way to generate heat. it’s simply because conduction is a slow process. and the class was like thinking when the night gets cold, sex is not the answer. haha. actually, he was not trying to joke around. it might be because our glasses were already full and we started thinking stuffs and related it to his lessons.

another funny thing was about the theory of thermal expansion. he said, when the temperature increases, most materials expand. when the temperature decreases, it’s the other way around. one of my classmates told me this, so if you encounter something or someone hot, you’ll expand – grow longer, grow bigger. i was laughing but i tried to control my chuckles. i went out and burst in hilarity. the moment i got back, they were already discussing phase changes. good thing he gave hand-outs before the class started and all i have to do is pretend that i already scanned through it and knew it. i’m really good when it comes to acting smart. when you act like you’re really intelligent, some people will get intimidated and won’t bother to ask you anymore. haha. i am not smart, that’s undeniable, but it can be fooled. anyway back to my physics class, i had a great time. i learned a lot and i hope it would be until the end of the semester.

and now, it’s not phy-SUCKS nor phy-SICKS. but simply PHYSICS. Isidor Isaac Rabi once said, “i think physicists are the peter pans of the human race. they never grow up and they keep their curiosity.” i like that.

heartbreaks and music.

2010-06-18T22:19:00.000+08:00

i felt like i’m stuck in my room playing countless song in my laptop. i am not emo, don’t get me wrong that way. it’s just that, it’s my way to console myself. i can hardly explain why but i don’t care anymore. the feeling of ecstasy when i hear rascal flatts sings everyday, when nevershoutnever strikes their guitars, when i heed anything concerning music; it’s something i can’t deny and i can’t live without. there are songs that can make us feel happy, make us feel alive, make us dance or make us sing along with it. but the best songs in life are the songs that brings you back to the moment you first heard them, and once again, break your heart. that’s life, heartbreaks and music.

since i’ve been talking about songs and heart breaks i want to amalgamate this thought. a breakdown is not an inevitable result of stress and anxiety, but a feeling of being close to breakdown or a sense of being unable to cope any longer. in order to avoid the possibility of breakdown, the most important thing you can do is to talk to someone or be with someone whom you trust – and who will not judge you. using your sense of humor is a great way of cutting problems down to size too – and it will also help others to help you to keep things in perspective.

it is also important not to be tough on yourself as a person. try not to blame yourself for your feelings or to berate yourself. if you believe you have let yourself or others down. the chances are that haven't – and that others will not judge you as harshly as you are judging yourself. most people experience a period of time during which they feel that they have lost their way or become overwhelmed by certain aspects of their life, and the majority of these same people will acknowledge that the self-knowledge they gain from these episode does eventually contribute to their future in a positive way.

i don’t know if that’s related to what i started, but just let it be. my mind is preoccupied tonight – school issues, family problems, etc. i am thinking random stuffs right now, please spare me your mercy.

every song has a final movement, a final act. whether it crashes or fades away, every song ends.

ssshhh.

2010-06-17T22:38:00.005+08:00

In our Philo I class, Philosophical Analysis, we discussed the definition of philosophy and a brief introduction why as a Filipino we should study the philosophies – of others and of ourselves. Our professor said that the youth of today’s generation are a bunch of teens trying to forget the inculcation of philosophy in their daily lives. I do agree. We used to practice integrating among ourselves the ‘that-is-the-way-things-are’ standpoint. If someone asks as why the sky is blue, we usually retort like I was born with the sky already blue so why bother to ask. But that should be changed. We should always reflect on what’s happening, why is it happening, and how is it happening. In that way, we can deeply understand things, learn stuffs beyond what we used to think, and value life. A great philosopher once said, an unexamined life is a life not worth living. Dare to ask. Think out of the box.

Since I want to exercise my philosophical analysis, I’ll be reflecting on this stuff. Individual freedom stops where the infringement of another’s right begins. We always put into effect our right to express things. Yes, we do live in a democratic country. We can say whatever we see, shout whatever we feel, brag whatever we have and tell everyone what we want. That is the basic right we are typically deprived of and yet, that’s still the basic right commonly exploited. Granted that we can say what we want to say, would you dare to say a word that can completely destroy someone else? I am in an activist school, and protests/rallies are not new. I’ve seen some students voicing out what they want, what they see as wrong, what they feel the university badly needs, which for me is a good thing. But what I strongly dislike is this: the people I usually hear during the remonstrations are the same faces who try to spread allegations about a certain person. I really don’t get the point of saying stuffs that you are not related with commenting. backstabbing, gossiping and the like. Come on, we are not born to have queer eyes and put down others. When we violate other’s right to remain silent and be private, we divest his right to be in that state. I am not pinpointing something, it's just a general observation. But it's not merely happening here, it's just a speck of what's happening in a macro world. And the issue is not just limited to freedom of speech. The freedom we enjoy comes with a price to pay, respect. We should learn to respect everyone else as much as we want to be respected. Liberty is something, respect is another thing but they should work hand in hand to keep this world a better place.

This is something out of context, but I still want to share this. I have a bunch of stories to tell but it seems like I’m running out of words to say. I don’t know where to start and I can’t exactly tell what I really feel. I tried to post stuffs here these past few days and I found it a way to unload stuffs bugging my sanity. But now I almost poured out my sanity. I am almost drained, neuron-malfunctions perhaps. With all the school stuffs bombarding me, school activities, books waiting to be read, I just don’t know what to do. I want to blog as much as possible but I’ll be having a hard time doing it. This might be my last post for now but I’m hoping it’s not.

Before I drowned myself in this melancholic momentary pause, I’ll be leaving you this:

In a normal person, the heart beats 70 times a minute, 100,000 times a day, and 40 million times a year! During a single day, a ventricle pumps about 11,000 quarts or about 265 million quarts in a lifetime. Just imagine. If an elevator could be harnessed to this machine, you could ride from the ground floor to the fifth floor in about an hour. No wonder Leonardo da Vinci called it the most “marvelous instrument” in the entire world.

Happy Hearts everyone. You know what day tomorrow is.

BASKETBALL. :]

2010-06-16T22:11:00.007+08:00

i watched the game 6 of NBA finals series between Boston and Los Angles. after losing the 5th game, Lakers perked up itself and outscored Celtics, 89-67. and then the Lakers shoved everything back in its boxes and sent all the Celtics in sight back to their hotels for the 7th game. “We’re used to being in must-win situations,” Bryant said. “The way we look at it, (Game 7) is just a game we’ve got to win. … I don’t mean to be a buzzkill. I know what’s at stake, but I’m not tripping.” Kobe Bryant shot 26 points, and i hailed him as the MVP for this season.

like the hard-court drama we are fascinated with, life is also a sequence of diversions and skills. when playing basketball, you dribble, guard/defend, pass the ball, assist, ricochet/rebound, steal, shoot, win and lose. life is like that. in order to stay in the game, you should learn to dribble your emotions, dreams, views, and other stuffs about you or else you’ll be fouled out; that’s traveling, isn’t it?. you have to direct it to your desired place and keep it bouncing. it’s not enough for you to hold and clutch it all the time, you need to let it go and let it touch the floor for a while. and when you find the perfect spot, grab it again; that’s the time to make a good shot. dribbling alone won’t let you win the fight. when you dribble, make sure you guard and defend it so your opponent can’t steal it. people will try to pilfer what you’ve got when you’re not taking good care of it. imagine the 8 billion people minus you who also wants what you want – love, dreams, everything. you need to picket and protect your valuables. losing the ball means you’ll have to start from scratch again. but when time comes you are cornered in a dead end, learn to pass the ball. maybe it’s not for you the moment you have it. you have to set it free and give it to someone else. time will draw closer and the ball will be yours again, and it’s simply because someone pass it back to you. be selfless instead of being selfish. now that you learn to pass, learn also to assist. it’s always nice to help someone shoot his ball of dreams and in return he’ll assist you too in your attempt.

when you find your spot, when the trajectory is clear, when you are completely in control of the game, give your best shot. everyone of us has our right spot and right time, we should wait for that. everything happens in God’s time, if it’s for you, then it is. and when it’s not, when the ball miss the ring, when someone blocked it, learn to jump back, rebound and grab the ball again. find your moment again, regain your composure, and dunk the ball to the ring. but if someone else recoiled and got the ball, steal it. things won’t be for you unless you want it to be yours. filching it doesn’t mean you’re rude. like what i said, there are people who don’t take good care of their valuables. you deserve it more than they do because, if they really cared for it, they should have protected it in the first place. it’s not as much as necessary to make things worthy, you should also make yourself worthy of it. aside from that, always think that every seconds count. you might have the ball but it won’t make any sense anymore when you already heard the buzzer. i’m not telling you to rush things, all you have to do is make sure you are in good timing. plan every step and make a good time table.

learning all these will lead you to win the game, in the court or in real life. but before you start playing your game, you should take this. play the game right. i said basketball and living life are almost the same. almost because there’s a slight difference. in playing basketball, what matters most is winning the game and giving your opponent a lead. but in life, it’s how you play the game. you might miss that shot and be dubbed as loser but for as long as you played the game righteously respecting your opponent, you’re in all ways a winner.

live. love. laugh.

2010-06-15T12:18:00.004+08:00

live.

love.

laugh.

love is a word, a noun or a verb. a four letter world so short to contain what the world wants.

when was the last time i think about love? maybe just this morning as i thank God i’m still alive, or yesterday, as i prayed for my family’s safety and my friends’ wellbeing. but when was the last time i think about love as an attention, a feeling of attraction and affection towards a special person? i don’t know. i really don’t know. i sometimes think i am in love but i’ll realize sooner or later that i’m not. i usually caught myself in confusion between infatuation and love akin to i like her but i’m not in love. and there are times i can’t exactly tell i am because i know i’m not yet ready to be in love. you know that feeling of imposing something you really don’t want? like studying for your exam while the television shows the finals or game 7 between LA Lakers and Boston Celtics you’ve been waiting for since the beginning of the NBA season. it gives you that nerves to watch and be amazed but you try to control yourself because you know your priorities. that’s it. i am not in love, i can’t be in love, and i should never fall in love.

it’s been a year and almost a month of enjoying and getting pissed off of being a single. and what did i learn after all? life is a series of stages. the stage you are in right now is a prerequisite to another stage you’re about to take. you can’t just jump into an another phase because you want to. falling in love was never easy like abc. like what the folks used to say, it requires grown-ups for a true and everlasting love story. i hate to admit it but committing yourself in a relationship at the age of 15 was not a good choice. i am not stating a deep remorse here because i know i loved her much than i could have ever loved myself and i know she loved me with all her heart the very moment we established a rapport. i could never regret loving her. what i found wrong was that it was not the right time for us. high school is not a reflection of a vast changing world. it’s an isolated part, i guess – a transition phase. high school used to be easy for me and i lived with a thought that everything i am that jiffy is enough for us to work out. not until i entered college; i just sipped a mug of coffee one lonely night (that was two weeks after i leaved my hometown, my family and my i-used-to-have girlfriend) and had a horrible realization. true love waits. and i started thinking what if we’ll pause all these stuffs, focus more on what we’ve got, and live each day trying all the ventures of being single could offer. in the end, if we are for each other, then we really are for each other. we’ve been so deeply madly in love to each other and we almost forgot that love is not just about us, it’s also about me and her. i was scared that we might lose each of ourselves in the middle of our relationship because we used to think ‘us’ more than thinking of ourselves. at first, i was so hesitant to give in to that thought. how could i do that after all the things we’ve been through? that was way too rude for a girl to accept. but as days pass by, i was convinced that i am not ready for love. and so i proved to myself that i am really rude. the bottomline here is i learned my lesson, i rushed into falling in love and i wished i never did that because, like the barreled classy grape wine, love can never be rushed.

i watched the season changed, as lush trees here in miag-ao withered, as the roadway paintings completely peter out and eventually disappear. heraclitus was indeed right, nothing’s constant except change. but i guess, change will come to those who are ready to face the consequences of change. and as far as i’m concerned, i am not yet ready for a change. my views are still my views when i first wrote the first letter of this post; i am not in love, i can’t be in love, and i should never fall in love. i’ll learn to love someone someday, and the moment i’ll start loving that someone, i’ll make sure i passed the being-single phase. i’ll pour my heart out to her living to love her as our hair turns gray, as the sun refuses to shine, as long as we are still reincarnated on our next life. but someday is not today, or tomorrow. it would probably start the split second i can say i had enough of walking this earth solo. someday, i'll have it all figured out. but for now, these big city dreams are what i’m about. :]

i'm not talking. :]

2010-06-14T22:32:00.000+08:00

twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. so throw off the bowlines. sail away from the safe harbor. catch the trade winds in your sails. explore. dream. discover. and take note, a man cannot discover new oceans unless he has courage to lose sight of the shore. take every step having no second thoughts at all because in the end, we’re all going to end up six feet below the ground and it’s always better to have a taste of everything.

if there’s something i really want to do right now, maybe it’s focusing more on school. i’ve always took for granted my studies. first, i really don’t like my course. i felt like i was a fresh fish just thrown in a boiling water, i tried to fight the heat and in the end i found myself dying. chemical engineering is not for me, i guess. what the hell is chemistry doing in my life? i don’t even know what that is on the first place. second, i got so many distractions – internet, alcohol, friends and more. i’m bombarded with different issues and i just can’t keep my head in the game. i spend hours and hours on these rather than reading my books and notebook, and i just can’t stop. third, i don’t know how to study. i’m a crammer, i only study hours or a night before the exam and the worst thing is, i don’t have notes to study because i don’t jot down. lastly, i always sleep everytime i read books. it has been a year but i guess nothing has changed, i’m still dumb.

our class will start tomorrow and i’m not in the mood for a class mode. i don’t know what to do on my first class tomorrow knowing it’s 7 in the morning. i’ll be a sleepyhead for sure. i should sleep. i’ll talk more tomorrow. :/

beyond superheroes.

2010-06-13T22:12:00.000+08:00

i’m not in the bravado to write a post right now. but i’ll try to please myself to think of something i really want – childhood flight of the imagination perhaps. when i was a child, i grew up watching protagonists fight against villains and save their town, loved ones and selves. i enjoyed them so much for me to try wearing a cape and shout ‘help me superman’ jumping from our roof and broke my leg. i found myself lying in pain and i said to myself there’s no such things as superheroes and i would never ever witness one. but as i grew up, i realized that i want to be a hero, a superhero, a super duper hero of my own because no one else can save me but myself. in life, you’ll meet people who’ll try to help you in ways they could, they’re called side-kick-ass. yet in times when they could not, counting on them won’t make any sense. whether you can or you can’t, you have no choice but to count on yourself. you’ll never know how strong you are if you won’t let yourself know you are, in a way, strong.

was i that heroic? i began to feel like a hero when i watched the movie kick-ass this morning and i was so whattheef? this movie is cool. i learned some stuffs and you won’t mind if i share. :] first, you can be deceived. what you see isn’t always what you get. there are superheroes who will bother to care for you but in the end, they will hoot and whoop an evil laugh as they watch you suffer. it’s always better to salt away yourself all alone from your problems than to call someone’s name whose passion is to put you into frustration. second, there are no rights and wrongs. no one can tell you what you’ve been doing is correct or not. as long as you believe that it would make things better, right and wrong won’t matter. third, life is short. if you know you are your own superhero, then try to be somebody else’s. everybody needs somebody, like as what i wrote in the first paragraph, be that side-kick-ass. finally, tell the world we are all heroes, superheroes, super duper heroes.

it’s been a wasted day. my brain is fermented and it looks like a raisin. i’ve been a vampire these past few days thinking stupid stuffs, doing my math homework and enjoying wi-fi in my room. i do take pleasure in doing such stuffs, there’s no question mark to that. but i’m a man who can’t live with pleasures alone, and unlike superheroes, i also feel pain, i fed myself with worries, i get lost when i encounter distractions, and shed tears when sadness hits me. sometimes, i wish i could be back to the days when all i think are heroes, where i enjoyed watching them and liking to be one of them; back to my childhood days where my only girlfriend is my mother, my only best friend is my father, and every pain, worry, distraction and sadness i feel can be soothed and be cheered up with a band aid and lollipops.

KALAYAAN.

2010-06-12T01:12:00.000+08:00

Hunyo 12, 1898 o isang daan at labindalawang taong nakaraan matapos iproklama ni Heneral/Pangulong Emilio Aguinaldo ang ating kalayaan sa mga Espanyol na natalo diumano sa Battle of Manila Bay sa kasagsagan ng Spanish-American War. kung pakakaisipin, bakit ganitong araw? hindi ba’t ipinasa lang ng mga espanyol ang ating bansa sa mga amerikano ayon sa nakasaad sa Treaty of Paris? at pinalaya lang tayo ng mga americano noong Hulyo 4, 1946? ito ay dahil sa Republic Act No. 4166 ng noo’y Pangulong Diosdado Macapagal na nagtatalaga sa araw na ito bilang Araw ng Kalayaan.

isang daan at labindalawang taong kalayaan? malaya nga ba tayo?

sa isang mamamayan ng bansang halos hindi na malirip, ano nga ba ang ibig sabihin ng salitang KALAYAAN? may saysay pa ba ang maging malaya kung ang totoo ay hawak pa rin tayo sa leeg ng mga taong hanggang sa ngayon ay patuloy na umaalipusta sa ating pagiging malaya. ilang taon na rin ang nakalipas ng tayo ay magdeklara ng ating kalayaan laban sa mga dayuhan, pero mukhang hindi pa rin tayo tuluyang nalalayo sa kalunus-lunos na mukha nito noon. oo, malaya na tayo sa mga banyagang nais sakupin ang ating lupang tinubuan, pero masasabi mo bang nakawala ka na sa kamandag ng mga ipokritong illustrados, ng naninikil na korupsyon, ng nagbabadyang neo-kolonyalismo? sa araw na ito, tuluyan mo bang maiwawagayway ang watawat ng Pilipinas?

lumaki ako sa isang magulong bayan sa Mindanao, hindi nalalayo sa mga putukan, sa mga taong sakim sa kapangyarihan at nasa ilalim ng pamamahalang hindi kailan man kumilala sa tinatawag na demokrasya. lumaki akong naniniwalang hindi na natin kailan man matatamasa ang kalayaan. ito ay dahil sa unti-unting pag-unlad ng aking musmos na kaisipan, mas lumalala ang aking napagtatanto – mga nagsisialisang mga guro at nars para kumita ng limpak-limpak na salapi, mga pulis na panay ang pangongotong sa mga naghihirap na mga drayber ng dyip, mga pulitikong walang ibang ginawa kundi ang panatilihin ang sarili sa katungkulan para gamitin ang kaban ng bayan para sa personal na mga kagustuhan, mga negosyanteng walang inisip kundi pahirapan ng husto ang mga mamimili, mga taong nilalapastangan ang mga karapatang pantao ng mga kapwa tao sa kabila ng pagkakaiba sa sekswalidad, pananaw, relihiyon, atbp., mga taong talangka na walang ibang ginawa kundi punahin ang mga kamalian ng mga nasa taas imbes na makipagtulungan, mga batang nakakalat sa lansangan imbes na mag-aral sa mga paaralan, mga pinoy na nakikipaglaban sa kapwa pinoy. akala ko ba ay malaya na pero bakit parang hindi pa rin? kung tayo ay malaya, sana ay naging matiwasay na ang ating pamumuhay, naging maunlad ang ating mga kabuhayan at higit sa lahat ay tumatamasa ng kapayapaan. kung ang mga ganitong bagay ay hindi pa rin natin nararamdaman, malamang ay tuluyan pa rin tayong nagiging bihag ng ating sariling kasakiman. kagaya nga ng sinabi ko, lumaki akong hindi naniniwalang matatamasa pa natin ang kalayaan. pero ako’y lumaki na hindi nawawalan ng pag-asa na balang araw ay maikakalas rin natin ang ating mga nakagapos na sarili. marahil mahirap pero hindi imposible.

sa pagsisimula ng panibagong yugto sa kasaysayan ng ating bansa, sa pagkakaluklok kay Sen. Benigno Aquino III bilang pangulo, at sa muling pagwawagayway ng ating bandila, nawa’y maging simbolo ito ng ating pagkakapit-bisig at pagtutulungan ng sa gayon ay makamit na natin ang ating pinakamimithing kalayaan, ang totoong kalayaan – walang korupsyon, walang pumipigil sa ating kakayahang umunlad, walang humihila sa atin pababa. ako ay hindi kailanman naging taga-suporta ng ating inaasahan at uupong pangulo. taliwas sa aking pinaniniwalaan ang bumubuhay sa kanyang paninindigan pero iginagalang ko ang mga paniniwala niya at ng karamihan sa mga mamamayan ng ating bansa na nagluklok sa kanya. at dahil diyan, hindi ako mag-aatubiling suportahan siya at makipagtulungan para sa ikabubuti ng ating bansa. sa ganitong paraan, ang kalayaan ay unti-unti na nating mararamdaman. ang nabigong pagsisikap ng mga ambisyosong puwersa sa pagsamantala sa madla, at ang ating halalang nasyonal at lokal noong mayo; lahat nito ay muling pinapatibay ang determinasyon ng Pilipino na manirahang malaya, demokratiko, at may dignidad sa bansa. ang kalayaan ay hindi lamang salita na nangangahulugan nang pagiging malaya; ito ay isang salita na kinakailangang pangalagaan at habambuhay na isinasabuhay.

ako ang simula ng aking kalayaan.

thank GOD it's Friday. :]

2010-06-11T11:09:00.005+08:00

in life, you’ll have to sacrifice something in order to gain other things. but in choosing, you should always try to consider these two points – what you’ll pull off when you prefer what you want, and what you’ll mislay when you neglect the other one. life is a series of decision making, and in the long run, you’ll be figuring out how decisive you are not by how right the choices you picked but by how capable you are to face the choices you made. one day you’ll just wake up and you’ll feel like you slept at the wrong side of your bed regretting almost everything. but if you already kept in your mind before that sooner or later your choices might put you into a conflict, i’m sure you had figured out a back-up plan. it may not completely erase your lament and regret, but at least it will console you to move on.

ever wonder why i made such realization? just this morning, i found something really annoying on my facebook news feed. i don’t want to share it here because it might put me into trouble and besides, i don’t want to assume that it was really me he/she wants to hit directly. if she ever drops to my page, i just want her to read this part. i’m hoping you’re happy with what you’re doing – liking stuffs, posting wall notes, etc. i don’t care what you’re really trying to point out but be on my shoe and see how mean you are to me. and you, yes you, who reads my posts, just connect the dots.

so now? i had my 7 o’clock class with my chem. 28 lab professor, mae grace nillos. i was late for 10 minutes, that’s not new. i’ve always been late on my classes. anyway, she was a strict and straight forward teacher. she told us laboratory policies – no food & drinks inside, wear your lab gown and closed shoes when performing experiments, no cellular phones, pay attention because she only talks once unless it is necessary for her to repeat everything she said, come on time, no friends allowed when doing experiments, pass reports on time, etc. she seemed to be nice and i’m currently doing some research about her.

after discussing laboratory stuffs, she gave me the lab manual/book for my classmates to photocopy. i asked her if when am i supposed to give it back to her and she answered like the lab manual is mine. my classmates were like forcing me to take the responsibility of photocopying it because it has always been me who is in-charge of that stuffs. good thing i’ve finally received my reward. haha. i scanned the lab manual/book, and i found stuffs i’ve never heard of before. gravimetry, precipitation titration, complex-formation titration, spectrophotometric determination of iron, etc. whattheef? what are these? i really don’t have a speck of an idea what the hell are these and how am i supposed to perform these experiments. help me God!

i don’t have my physics class today because our professor went somewhere – medication purposes perhaps. and i feel like i’m absolutely free today. i’ll be watching nba later, replay or in the net. go LAKERS. thank God it's friday.

before i'll end this post, i want to share some current news. it's important for us to know a little of everything, right?

news here---->(Manila Bulletin)

TAAL VOLCANO ACTING UP.

The Philippine Institute for Volcanology and Seismology (Philvolcs) raised on Tuesday the Alert Level 2 on Taal Volcano in Batangas.

Phivolcs Director Renato Solidum said the agency raised the alert level after detecting at least 32 volcanic earthquakes and the high temperature in its crater.

Steams were also observed at the north and northeastern side of the volcano’s crater.

Under Alert Level 2, “the volcano is undergoing magmatic intrusion which could eventually lead to an eruption.

But Solidum said there is no cause for alarm as eruption is not yet imminent.

Philvocs declared the volcano as a Permanent Danger Zone and warned the public to avoid approaching the volcano, particularly in Daang Kastila Trail, northeast of the volcano, due to the poisonous gas emissions and hot grounds in the area.

<----

i'm out. :]

the teacher factor. :]

2010-06-10T20:18:00.001+08:00

i had my math 54 class today and i was a quarter-hour late. i pulled in while our professor, mr. geoffery libo-on, had already started checking attendance and our form 5 or registration form. he was calling mistio, cherry and i said to myself – crap, i’ll wait for him to start again calling names from a. after doing another roll call, he did some discussions about grade orientation, class rules then tadaa – official start of the class. all of were like fuck-i-need-to-pee-or-else-blood-will-get-out-of-my-nose. he started a lesson from the calculus 7 chapter six, it’s measuring the length of an arc of a certain function. it’s all in a blink of an eye, and i’m completely lost. getting cozy this recent summer made my brain rusty, and i have a difficulty on remembering past lessons – how to do this, solve for this, blah blah. derivatives, integrals, trigonometric differential and integral properties, everything; it’s all out of my mind. our teacher was really fast and i guess he assumed that passing math 53 means having mastered the subject. you know, math 54 is a continuation of math 53. i tried to keep in paced but i found myself thinking of what time is it, hoping the bell will ring soon and our professor will dismiss us. and good thing he end the class 15 minutes earlier leaving us an assignment to work on this long weekend. monday is a holiday and friday seems to be a free day. all ended well.

my next class was chemistry 28, quantitative analytic chemistry. and we’re back again to our chemistry 16 professor, mrs. ida pahila. i entered the room with a shaky heart like i knew there will be something, and my instincts were right. our professor opened the class with something like i know you don’t like me so don’t pretend you do like me. i knew it got to be related to our evaluation last 1st semester. she told us about her being accused of favoritism, and our batch was the first one to give her the worst assessment. i do understand her because she’s only doing her job fairly. i, for one, really don't like her because she's so intimidating but in terms of her teacher capacity, she’s really good. she even gave me a 2.0 grade though i was lurching in her class. i was expecting a passing grade but she gave me more than what i expected. but i guess you can not always please everyone. i’m not trying to be a good-better-best student here, like i didn’t do anything wrong but having a teacher as a father makes me think about how it feels to be fed with issues you know you can’t and you know you are not. she even told us that she did not want to handle our batch again but she’s doing for the sake of professionalism. she reminded us that we are free to drop the subject as early as now or change our matriculation. after that thing, she did what she supposed to do, discuss to us what the course is all about, the course syllabus and gave us the list of references to study. she then checked our form 5 and released all of us.

right at the audio-visual room 107 is my g.e. or general education, it’s our minor subject. we all have 15 units major – that includes 5 units of math 54, 3 units of chem 28, 4 units of physics 72, 2 units of chem 28 lab and a unit for physics 72 lab. i had a load of 18 units for this semester, p.e. is not counted as a load, and my g.e. which completes my load is philosophy 1. so i finally met him, our teacher. i seen his name on our CRSIS but i think i ‘mis-seen’ it. i thought it was ticiao and now i’m enlightened, he is mr. pacifer victorino c. ticao. he did not officially started the class, instead he asked random questions. he asked me if i was from alimodian, and i answered it’s my father who used to live in alimodian. then he asked me about who would i choose among three ladies who would give me a flower, an engagement ring and a house and lot. i feel like he’s sort of playing our minds but then i snapped none because i’m supposed to give those to the one i love. did i just say that? i can’t believe hearing myself talking so surreal. anyway, after he threw questions to all of his students, he told us why he’s asking haphazard questions. he said, in your everyday life you’ll encounter these questions and you’ll have to either miss or hit it but in most of all cases we just retort it with what a stupid/silly question? i know i’ll enjoy his class because i found myself a critical thinker. i planned of shifting to other subjects but now i would rather let myself get stuck here. philosophy is the love of wisdom and i love that.

teachers are our second parents. they might be strict or very outgoing but the bottom-line here is that they are the ones who help us to be on where we should be. whether we like them or not, we should learn to like them. i believe that your scholastic standing relies on what they call as the teacher factor. but don’t get me wrong; i’m not talking about teachers’ prerogative to fail or pass a student. i’m talking about they’re professor capacity as a factor that would either make or break our future.

it's wednesday. so what?

2010-06-09T23:00:00.001+08:00

it's wednesday, and i remembered what i've been doing this summer with my siblings. we usually sleep until one of us got to stir up and that one will try to stir up everybody. i sort of miss that thing. ;[ anyway, my sister is an upcoming 4th yr bs architecture (5yr course) student in a school here in iloilo. my other sister, a year younger than me, is a freshman in san pedro college, davao, and is taking bs physical therapy (5yr course too). my little brother, dubbed as my younger twin, is a junior high school student in my high school alma mater with my other younger sister, the youngest, in her sophomore year. i wish they're all doing good as they do good with our parents at home. i even wondered how our house looks right now with the three of us away from it. i so miss home. potec!

very unusual to my accustomed stuffs at home, i started wednesday with a bang. we went for a brisk walk this morning around the campus. and i just can’t believe i did that. i’m really lazy and if i could just sleep the whole day, i would do such. i woke up with krsha and kezia from balay madyaas calling my name from the window. they kept on pleading me to join them for their morning jog and so i did. lurence, my room mate, was also with us. but it didn’t turn out to be a nudge, it was just a walk coupled with jokes and sarcasms. haha. they kept teasing me baber, a parody of justin beiber, because of my hair. what’s funny was this dog following keziah, and we laughed at it because we taunted her as a bitch. after that saunter from balay gumamela to the new admin then back again, we had our breakfast at cdh – common dining hall. they hated the place because there’s a lot of scrumptious viands and they can just afford some. it makes them spend more and eat more. well, for me, i didn’t have a problem with that. i don’t have a body to maintain and a diet to sustain. then as we sat on the table, we talked much about our freshman year. reminisce. and we can’t stand the drama so we shift to music industry – what’s latest and what’s chart topping. after our meal, we went back to our respective dorm and slept. haha.

speaking of dorm, i would like to share to you some of my firsts here in my dormitory. firsts, for me, would give you a heck of nirvana. they always make you cry, laugh and stumble down. but they always give you a lesson or bring out a technique for your next encounter. ok, so what was that death defying first for this day? it’s a bit embarrassing but i won’t mind. should i put a sugar-coating on it or just tell it straight and frank? frank, perhaps. caution: if you’re eating, oh well, please finish it before you proceed or else you’ll lose your appetite. well, it’s my first time to poop after staying for almost a week. you might say that it’s not that ‘biggy’ but hello? you’re sharing a common comfort room with your dormers and it makes you feel like ‘this feces shouldn’t stink or else i’m dead’. i haven’t find my comfort zone yet in doing such but i found few ways. first, make sure the cr is vacated and you’re not doing it on shower peak. they might not continue taking a bath because it’s seriously pestering and very attention-seeking. second, when you already pushed that shit on the toilet, flush it away. don’t wait for all that shit to be accumulated and kill you. flush it from time to time. third, bring an air freshener and spray it all over the cubicle before and after shitting time. finally, poop whenever your co-dormers poop, in that way, passers-by would be confused which is which, which shit stinks more and the likes. in my case, it was very easy, it didn’t even take a quarter hour. i just let it out, flush it away and done. i washed my hands, used an alcohol then took a shower. yahoo.

yesterday, the college of arts and sciences held their freshman orientation and welcome ceremony. this time, it’s our beloved school – school of technology. ever wonder why school and not a college? we’re the same, i still do wonder. but i guess it’s because we only have two courses being offered, bs food technology and bs chemical engineering. it’s not enough to build a college, right? anyway, as i was sharing, we welcomed the freshies and give them some briefing about what the hell is the school of technology. i found them very goal-oriented individuals like they’re way too serious for school. and i found myself in their shoe the moment i stepped in UP. but for sure, they’ll enjoy every single day here – the stress, the activities, friendship, everything. and i’m hoping for them to look me as they’re kuya or barkada. like every upperclassmen want, i also want to share my thoughts and advices about certain campus issues but i guess it’s too early for me to be that ‘epal’. haha. yet, i do hope that i can serve as a good role model.

i just received a text message from catherine. it’s a quote from paulo coelho – “sabios sao os que amam. tolos sao os que tentam entender o amor”. a wise person loves. a fool tries to understand love.

i need to sleep early, i have my class, official class, tomorrow. mondays and thursdays are hectic days for me. i have a busy sched during that days and i’m expected to prepare myself. for that, i rest my case.

first day. :l

2010-06-08T11:55:00.000+08:00

it's my first day on my second year here in UP and i'm having honeybees and butterflies in my stomach. i lowered my expectations and just expect for the unexpected. i really don't have any idea what would my first day be. will it start with a meet and greet? or a quiz perhaps? or a no show? i don't even know who are my professors. what i do know for now is i'm really late for my first class on tuesday - chem 28.1. i should be there a while ago (7 a.m.) but still, here i am feeding my blog with my stupidity and i'm an hour late. need to go, i'll be back. haha.

[9:00] and i'm back. we don't have a class for now because the college of arts and science is holding their annual opening ceremony. all AS students and faculty are required to attend the said affair which means i'm totally free today. on my way back to the dorm, i met krsha. she's a second year bs bio student. what's so funny about her is that she seemed to be so prepared for the class. she had a set of notebooks for her subjects like an elementary pupil, and a case of pencils and ball pens. she told me that she entered their class yesterday. and i freaked out, teachers weren't expected to give a class yesterday because it's the university's opening activity. it made we wonder i don't have a class yesterday, do i? she even told me that just the three of them showed up and the professor gave them a brief orientation of what the class is all about. i said ok? can we just have a breakfast? i was very hesitant to let her talk because she gives me a load of regrets.

now, i'm thinking to check my next class. that's physics. i can't afford to make another absence. i've been promising myself to do well this year. i was a sleeping bastard last year, i only attend classes whenever i want to. i act like i was a party animal, alcoholic and nocturnal surfer. there was this one instant when i don't give a damn studying my lessons in chemistry. it was our exam the next day but i preferred watching a dance competition and staying late for a petty talk rather than reviewing. and so i got 40 out of 115. the lowest score i got so far and the lowest score in the class for that exam. i was so embarrassed and felt the shame creeping through my nerves. on the next exam, i did not sleep because i studied so hard. i studied lessons i missed before and got a better understanding about that topic. and i did great on that test. the bottomline? you need not to stay late to study and cram, all you have to do is attend every class and listen attentively. i need to revise my study attitude, party hard, study harder. i should attend every class like it's an examination - equipped with thoughts, and enthusiasm.

so if you're a student and you're reading this post, better read your books after reading this. never waste a time. life is short, don't make it shorter with merely knowing nothing.

opening exercise. malling. sex deprivation?

2010-06-07T20:07:00.002+08:00

OPENING EXERCISE.

so we're late. melrick and i arrived at the auditorium with someone talking about the faculty and staffs of different divisions. we're late because we keep waiting for our friends who were already aboard the bus going to the auditorium. anyway, we traveled with melrick's classmate, roeyna. we traveled with an empty stomach. after reaching the avr, we found george and lao with the same fate. someone has to be blamed. haha. just kidding. we tried as much as we could to enter the room and we succeed. yahoo. as usual, speeches, introduction. what was surprising? the upv faculty members in their intermission. their somewhat-glee number was applauded. after the program, girl hunting. i saw good looking girls, a number. i just don't know who they are and what their course is but that's another thing to look forward to.

MALLING.

right after the opening exercises, we went to SM - movie going, lunch, shopping, etc. it seemed like the SM was way too crowded. they were holding this lottery of goods and well, most of the UP students almost occupied the food chains. we had our lunch at pizza hut and i swear to God that though i had a satisfying meal, i so hate the waitress. she pretends to be like a mile away from us and moves only whenever we scream at the top of our lungs. she is a shit.

then, we went for a stroll across the mall and check the latest in every stall. we also checked the now-showing movies and made fun by combining their titles - NOY 4 (3D), Here Comes the Shrek, Sex of Persia, Prince of Sex, Shrek and the City, etc. haha. we were in our geeky mode that time and checked out some books on Booksale. some of our photos were posted above. we really had a great day. and it turned greater when kate's mom treated us on Sbarro. we were so full to eat a bountiful merienda - pizza, garlic bread and pasta. well thanks anyway tita but could we just wrap it out? so we asked the server to wrap it for take out after we ate some. we then talk about people, our own lives, jejemons, PBB until we end up talking about sex deprivation.

DEPRIVATION OF SEX?

clyde told us, kate, queenee and me, that craving for ice is a sign of deprivation of sex. whattheef?! he told us that their teacher in psychology taught them that ice chewing is equal to sex frustration. i researched on this stuff and found out a confession from a site:

I fully believe ice and sex cravings go hand-in-hand. I had NEVER heard of this theory in my life but all of a sudden found that I was constantly craving and chewing ice. For the last 21 years of my life I couldn't stand ice and, in general, do not like things that are too cold. At restaurants, my drink orders were always accompanied with "no ice, please". Then one day, about a month ago, I started chewing ice constantly--this coincided with around the 2-week anniversary of my boyfriend of 3 years being away as he had just found a new job out of town. I still made no connection because I had NEVER heard of the ice-and-sex relation. Anyways, when he came back after being gone for about a full month in total I explained to him my ice-fetish and he was like "ya, because of no sex". I was surprised, and he was surprised at my surprise because, according to him,"EVERYONE knows this". But after hearing that,it all made sense. I believe it because I don't think it's just coincidence that the only time in my life when I've enjoyed ice was during the longest period that I've gone without having sex since losing my virginity and having regular sex (4 years ago).

ok? haha. i still don't get it. we took some photos of us craving for ice. haha.

it was time for us to be homed or be on our own respective temporary residences when we met some of our friends. we joked around and got sarcastic in every way we can. we blocked each others' opinions and laugh. that's the way it is, i supposed. on our way home, we played mind games, threw some cheesy pick-up lines and sang songs of knock-knock. it was fun, very entertaining and cool.

i wish we could spend more time together. classes will start tomorrow and i feel like OMG, this is hell. i need to have some rest and i bet this is all i can share for now. GOOD Night. :]

class schedule and dormitory stuffs.

2010-06-06T22:00:00.000+08:00

schedule for school year 2010-2011.

first semester.

Monday, Thursday:

8:30 - 10:00 A.M. Math 54 (Elementary Analysis)

10:00 - 11:30 A.M. Chem 28 (Analytical Chemistry)

1:00 - 2:30 P.M. Philo 1 (Philosophical Thoughts?)

3:30 - 4:30 P.M. PE 2 (Popular Ballroom Dance)

Wednesday:

8:00 - 10:00 A.M. Math 54 (Elementary Analysis)

10:30 - 12:30 P.M. Physics 72.1 (Physics Laboratory)

Tuesday, Friday:

7:00 - 10:00 A.M. Chem 28.1 (Chemistry Laboratory)

12:30 - 2:30 P.M. Physics 72

keeping my schedule on track - no more late entrances and no shows.

dormitory stuffs.

i arrived here at Balay Gumamela or GD, known as Girl's Dorm but now a coed one, thinking how am i going to start a new lifestyle. i used to be with my friends, same as my age and year, and live with them. but now, i'll have to start all over again. i'm not usually timid and awkward but when i'm here, i felt some sort of shame. i'm ashamed of showing up myself to other dormers and i can't barely explain why. i can't go out of my room whenever i want to and watch my favorite shows. we, my roommates, just go out when we need to eat, take a bath, pee and poop, watch PBB or meet our old friends outside. if it doesn't require any of those stuffs, we just stay the whole day in the room and enjoy free wifi until we get bored.

somehow, i missed BK - the hallway, the noise, the dormers. GD was something i dreamed of to stay when i was on my second semester. it's conducive for learning, away from vices and makes you at peace. but i guess, nicole of pussycat dolls was right. be careful of what you wish for, because you might just get it.

in the long run, i know i'll be at home here too. but as of now, it makes me long for my hometown, where my parents and siblings watch me as i sleep, and my friends will call me to wake me up. i miss ISULAN. :[

a night out with friends. :]

2010-06-05T23:08:00.000+08:00

it's saturday and it's time for a hooking night out. i was with janessa, frances and melrick. we watched Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, dined at Mang Inasal, and partied at Ice MO2, SmallVille. we spent the night with fun thinking we would never have fun when the class starts.

i said we watched Prince of Persia starring Jake Gyllenhaal as Dastan and Gemma Arterton as Tamina. describing it in word, it's excellent. from the plot of the story, scripts, visual effects, casting, to the musical scoring, it's totally awesome. for some, they were disappointed with the movie because they tried to associate it with the 2d game Prince of Persia. it had much resemblance of the game but unlike other video game movies like Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter, etc. it was not trying hard to show it off to the audience. i really liked the movie, especially the fighting scenes. the best scene was when they got attacked by snakes and he studied their movements killing them all with the dagger. i wish i could watch it over and over again until i'm fed up watching it. anyway, lots of good movies will be release this half year, Tekken, Tron Legacy, The Last Airbender, The Sorcerer's Apprentice and many more. I'll watch out for them. :]

the night is young and so are we. :]

enrollment/enrolment misadventures.

2010-06-03T21:06:00.000+08:00

enrolment/enrollment could have been easier if the school deploys a number of cashiers. but before i reached the cashier's office to pay school bills, i've been through jaw-dropping hellholes. it all started with a 'fuck, i need to be enrolled'.

i arrived at UP Miag-ao just 10 minutes before the hour of 12 finding out that i have to undergo the annual dental and medical check up. i was so eager to finish the enrolment within 5 hours so i can get back to mandurriao but i was shocked when my friend told me that the infirmary has a quota for check-ups. they will only tend to the needs of the first 20 students which means i’ll be stuck in Miag-ao for a night. getting wedged for a night until tomorrow’s sunset without a shirt or extra clothes to wear was a disaster. with an egg-boiling temperature, i am expected to perspire, right? and my shirt was f***ingly wet with my own sweat. what a steamy day!

aside from clothing circumstances, where to stay at that moment was also a problem. i’m anticipated to settle at Balay Gumamela but i can’t stay there because my roommates weren’t around yet. i need to supplicate myself with soap, shampoos, lotion and other stuffs so i had to be a parasite to satisfy my needs. i stayed at frances’ room in UpVal. good thing karl had this Safeguard liquid soap, hygiene wouldn’t be a problem. after resolving all the dilemmas, i spent the night with my friends.

i woke up early in the morning so i won’t run out of priority number. i got sixth in the line, ain’t bad. the next problem i faced was not having a request form for the check-up so i hurried at the college secretary’s office to have one. i waited for almost thirty minutes before i finally had my form. i went back to the infirmary seeing a pile of students, it looked like they organized their selves for convenience. i got back to where i’m supposed to be, on the sixth place. karl’s cousin, makki, was there to substitute my spot. i took my health record and updated my height and weight. then suddenly a girl from behind starts talking like i just inserted myself in the line. i tried to explain myself but words won’t get out. maybe i was just hesitant to defend myself and talk like a bastard. i need to give them respect because they’re my upperclassmen. yet still, she insisted that the line was good until i arrived, like who-the-hell-are-you-to-be-here? she sounded like i was not following strict orders. i told her with irritation that i was here first and i just needed to get out of the line for an urgent matter. settled! the check-up was quick and easy, i finished within ten minutes. done!

after the check-up, i rushed to the college sec to start the enrolment process. fudge! lunch break. i took my lunch with a heavy heart. i need to finish this because i can’t afford to stay here without my stuffs, i was so desperate. time’s up. i haven’t even touch my lunch. back to work. i went back to the college sec. it was my turn for enlisting my subjects when the secretary told me the problem, i was not able to confirm my subjects during the confirmation period. this means that even though the class was blocked for chem eng students, i can’t have it. they called the department head of math and asked why i’m not enrolled in the said subject but they directed me to the college of arts and sciences secretary. i dashed to the CAS and when i was there i met a student who told me that in order to solve my problem, i have to consult the CRSIS. what?? no choice, i had to walk to the CRS office. i was even scolded for not confirming my subjects, i told them i’m sorry and i’m done. back to the school of technology college sec.

my problem with the confirmation of subjects was cleared up and i’m a step closer to being enrolled. the next step was the appraisal of my fees. and as expected, my misadventures continued. there was this accountability from the chemistry laboratory, i dashed again to the CAS to resolve the issue finding out it was the missing Erlenmeyer flask. ok. i tried to explain that we already replaced it and we were already cleared. the staff double checked our locker and like what i was trying to explain, we were already cleared. i went back to SOTECH to have a schedule of fees, and there i was, almost done. i went to the cash office and waited for my turn to pay. good thing i already took a priority number before the lunch break which means i am assured i’ll be able to finish the process within this day. yahoo. and there i was, paying my fees. done.

i went back to SOTECH and i formally had my form 5 or registration form. ENROLLED!

summer recapitulation. :]

2010-06-02T01:23:00.000+08:00

wala lang. :]

walang maggawa sa bahay kaya kung saan naggagagala.

summer was not wasted.

yearbook release. :]

2010-05-27T15:16:00.000+08:00

yearbook 2010.

triumph concept: laptop. kewl :]

last bonding for may and summer. i'll always miss my friends. :[

family day out. :]

2010-05-16T15:36:00.000+08:00

one big happy family.

trip ni itay, trip ni inay, trip naming lahat. :]

i'll be leaving them soon. :[

jhelo's birthday. :]

2010-05-15T15:30:00.004+08:00

jhelo's birthday :]

993352.mp3

994621.mp3

976874.mp3

single awareness day. :]

2010-05-12T20:18:00.002+08:00

single awareness day.

love this day. pictures speak louder than words, no need for captions.

nheenia's debut. :]

2010-05-08T15:01:00.000+08:00

POOL PARTY

débutante: nheenia nickole auza.

birthdate: may 4, 1992.

wet and wild summer party. :))

april madness 8

2010-04-20T23:26:00.000+08:00

APRIL 20, 2009.

My mathematics is like a javelin hitting the ground. Its projectile had reached its maximum height and now it’s slowly mortifying me. My first semester’s math, which is math 17 – combination of algebra and trigonometry, scored 1.5. I was exempted for finals and I regretted it because I could have achieved 1.25 if I took it. In the case of my math 54 or elementary analysis I, all I can say is I did my best. I didn’t even expected that I would get a 1.75; all I ever wanted is to pass. And now, we’re upgrading, next level as we usually termed it. When the going gets tougher, all we can do is to cope up. That’s what I’m doing starting today, to cope up with the never ending difficulties of math.

I graduated high school being the best in math, same goes with my elementary years. I am the best, not bragging but as much as I’m thinking, when it comes to math. I’m the top priority when they’re picking representative/contestants to math competition. My math exam results are in the range of 0-5 mistakes. And that’s what I’m ashamed of right now. I used to be hailed and recognized when it comes to arithmetic, algebra, trig, geometry and analytic geometry. I always do the math. But all of the sudden, I am earthed. I vanished in the math wizardry, as if I never existed. The world is a vast field of excellence. I’m a sheep lost in it and being circled with lions. I need to find my way home or else I’ll be eaten alive. I need to enrich myself, grow smart and trick them all. I welcome myself again to my lost world.

I’m starting to learn new topics on my calculus book. We ended last semester with definite integration and its application with the hyperbolic functions. This time, I’ll begin with the length of arc. My brain got rusty this summer, in contact with hot and steamy summer perhaps. I’m always stuck with a problem and it usually took me half an hour, the minimum, to answer it. But I know I’ll get used to it as time goes by. Practice makes you better, if not perfect. No pain, no gain. I have five chapters left, and each has 10 topics. That’s 50 topics all in all. I’ll have to finish all of them before my summer ends. I’ll sip an iced tea for the mean time. :)

LAST POST for APRIL.

april madness 7

2010-04-19T20:23:00.001+08:00

APRIL 19, 2010.

She makes me laugh.

She makes me cry.

She makes me feel sad whenever she’s not around.

She likes to be the center of attraction.

She gives every person a reason to hate her.

She is beautiful, stunning and hot.

But sad to say she’s not my girl, and I don’t even like her.

An ounce of Vice Ganda makes my day complete. As much as possible, I won’t let her show just pass. I’m always tuned in Showtime. Though she gave contestants heavy hearts after their performance, she still lightens it by throwing shaggy dog stories. It’s very optimistic that’s why more and more viewers watch her show. I like her jokes. People getting hurt with her gags are proving themselves guilty. Her absence makes an impact. OK. The show is about to start.

I was amazed with the 3rd performer. There were seven twins and they dance with absolute synchronization. You can almost tell like they were facing a mirror. It was my first time to see such an act. They got a ten from Vice. Yahoo!

Lunch is served. My sister prepared lechong paksiw for my father and for us, of course. With all the stress from work, every parent deserves a copious meal set up by their children. And that’s why we personally prepared it for him. He was shocked of it, aside from the fact that the paksiw is too sour for a regular paksiw. Then, we ate. After our lunch, our father wanted to have some sort of conference and let us sit for a while. He shared some of his observations about us, his children.

First on the list, we sleep and wake up late. On my case, since I was homed, I never had a chance to stir up 6 or 7 in the morning and I never slept 7 or 8 in the evening. My cycle was reversed. It could be of two theories, I’m turning nocturnal or I’m suffering from insomnia. Or maybe I’m just a stubborn child who enjoys watching the television all night long and prefers sleeping rather than feel the wrath of the sun. I know, it would be hard for me, and same goes for my siblings. But I know it too that it’s for our own good. Every father wants the best for his children. What kind of father doesn’t?

Next is skipping breakfast. Like a pirated CD, this slap on the wrist has been playing almost 24/7. My mother reprimands me about my health and getting scrawny then my father will repeat the whole sermon, then my mother will rephrase it so it will sink in and my father will repeat again as if I haven’t listened to my mother the whole time. They keep on telling us that we skip meals in trade for the things we want to do but one day we’ll realize that we can’t do the things we want because we’ve been skipping meals. They even tell off way back in their childhood that they weren’t given the chance to eat the food we used to eat now, and now we’ll waste it for not eating. It will be ok for them if we have really nothing to eat – no rice perhaps, but a satisfying meal, how could we just forsaken it? Another is being choosy on the food and eating much of junk foods. All that is being served are edible because if they were not, they weren’t being served unless my parents are planning to poison us which is not going to happen. We don’t usually feed on vegetables but we’re not carnivores. Yet, every vegetable contains more than enough vitamins and nutrients. Maybe it’s time for us to scoff some and throw our rubbish snacks. Each of us had urinary tract infection records, and I know that my parents can’t afford to send us to hospital if we happen to be sick again this time. We always complain about their recurring and dull preaches, maybe it’s time for us to let that sink in our minds so they won’t bother telling us again and again.

Lack of exercise and not participating in household chores are also issues. We are five and we exactly make a basketball team but we never played that game all together. We used to play that when we were young but we never managed to keep it up as we grow. I know most of us, youth, are raised up tired of physical games because of the virtual reality games we play in computers. But engaging in sports is the best way to keep in vast changing world. It makes us strong, mentally alert, and keeps us in good condition. I’m a failure, for that point. When it comes to our responsibilities, my siblings are very responsible. I’m the only exception. I’m lazy and I never washed dishes since I arrived. I don’t water plants like my brother does. I never cook our meals or even help them in kitchen stuffs. Worse, I even let them wash my own clothes and underwears. I know that sucks. But I’ll to keep up one of these days and I’ll treat this as an oath.

Finally, he told us to start living on our own. My father doesn’t usually bring this to the topic table – his death. With the age of 58, we should face the fact that his borrowed life my end up here on earth. I haven’t done anything that made him so proud of me. I want to make him happy, and every child wants to do that too. Aside from that, we’ve been so dependent on them on our needs and even to the slightest things we fancy. And now, it’s time for us to live our own life, to be somehow emancipated, and be independent.

After his preach, I’ve felt like I was guilty. I went back to sleep. It’s my way of escaping everything. It feels like I’m in a new world, peaceful and serene. And when I wake up, my memories are completely washed out, same goes to the emotions I’ve been suffering. They say that sleeping with a heavy heart may lead to cardiac arrest but I don’t care. It’s better to keep things on your mind than pour it out, because if we keep on voicing out our thoughts and emotion, the world will be suffering from noise pollution.

Later on this day, my father and I had a serious talk, something futuristic – the UP and the chemical engineering concerns. He shared his conversation with Atty. Glenn Quimba. Sir Glenn was from UP Visayas also but he took BS Computer Science there. Sir Glenn told my father that BS ChE was also offered on their time but it was phased out. My father asked me if I’ll be pursuing my course despite the fact that BS ChE is a new offering and we don’t have graduates yet. I told him yes but I also shared my plan of transferring to UP Diliman. I told him the advantages and disadvantages. Finally, he end the conversation by deciding that I’ll be transferring on my third year in Diliman, and if I can’t pursue chemical engineering, which is a quota course, he’ll allow me to shift to metallurgical engineering.

I’m watching PBB now. Shey is not setting a good example. She’s plastic. Tricia is one of the consistent so far, she shows her true color. I don’t know why people and her housemates really hate her when in fact she’s trying to reach out for them. You have to flip a coin to see its other side; it’s not always heads. Hate not Tricia, please.

Why is it easy for people to judge others? But when they’re judged, they won’t accept it. Fault finders are people who never find their faults. They are failures. J.K. Rowling once said, ‘it is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.’

Good night, I have to sleep early. XOXO.

april madness 6

2010-04-18T23:21:00.000+08:00

APRIL 18, 2010.

It’s Sunday. I didn’t take the first mass because the drowse is percolating into my nerves. I find attending mass yet never paying due attention very useless. I don’t buy it; it’s just for show, like evil politicians going to the church giving people false images about themselves. So I grabbed my blanket and got back to sleep.

I woke up 12:00 A.M. If not for All-Star Sunday Afternoon Party or ASAP, I’ll still be sleeping because the cold damp air demands me to do so. I felt so weak having no breakfast. But as I was saying, thanks to ASAP. The beat and the screams were just enough to make me stay awake. I enjoyed watching them until I decided to have my lunch. What’s on the table? It’s shrimp bouillabaisse. I was so hungry that I almost forgot that my father is about to come. I ate and ate until there’s none. I wasn’t satisfied that I even try to empty the rice cauldron. Then I was back in my conscience and realized how horrible I’ve become. I need forty winks.

I went back watching the television. This time, it’s Patient X, starring Richard Gutierrez and Christine Reyes. I don’t like it, honestly. Aside from the fact that I’m really not inclined to GMA Films, I find it very common. The effects were good but compared to Yanggaw, I prefer the last. Yanggaw made aswangs very realistic like they really exist and are out there hunting you. It’s an indie film but it’s good. What pleads my case of watching the movie was Christine Reyes. She was this year’s top model for FHM. She’s stunning in the movie, even if without make-ups. I like her with two thumbs up.

We’re playing PVZ when suddenly we heard a honk. Tatay is back! He’s been out for 5 days and now he’s giving us a bunch of Cebu’s delicacies. He bought danggit, dried squid, fish tocino, and snacks from Shamrock. He also gave us a box of pastel from Cagayan de Oro. We then hurried and had our merienda. It’s a happy family after all.

Kuya Atong, our family relative, had just arrived to deliver good news. He’s getting married and it will be on the weekend. After dating girls, he finally made up his mind to live in harmony. They’ve been in girlfriend-boyfriend relationship for less than a year. His friends keep on asking him if he’s really sure about getting married. There’s this saying that getting married is not like merely eating rice that you’ll have to spit it out whenever you realize it’s hot. But I guess he’s sure and irrevocably in love with the girl. I even understood something after his visit, that maybe love doesn’t need a long and winding love story after all. All it takes to exist are two lovers ready to become one. No more getting to know each other anymore, no more hesitations. There’s no such thing as coincidence, the universe is far too precise for random things. We meet the people we are supposed to when the time is just right. And when we meet them, keep your love lock down.

Time flies fast. It’s already 3 in the afternoon. I need to take a bath; I’ll be going to the church minutes after this. God! No more soap, no more shampoo. How can I start taking a bath with nothing? So I rush in my parents’ room and look for bathing stuffs in their rest room. Guess what I found out? I come across her Garnier Fructis 2in1 Shampoo and Conditioner, and Olay Lightening Shower Cream from Goat’s Milk. I grab all of these without permission and walk off their room. It gives me a wonderful bath and I feel so refreshed. I returned it on their room and find some clothes to wear. I need to look good for God’s house. I put on my Penshoppe pants, the only pants I brought from Iloilo, and try it with my white long sleeves. I don’t like it and so I keep on trying other tops until I end up with my Collezione striped shirt. I feel good and I know that I would. I’m off to church.

I was listening to Spongecola’s Makapiling Ka while I’m dressing up. ‘sa pagpatak ng bawat sandali, nakatikom lagi ang aking mga labi; inaaliw ang sarili sa musika, nananabik na makapiling ka’. I’m sending SMS to Karla asking about last night. I’m waiting for her reply but I’ll keep going. Christ is waiting. I don’t want HIM to wait.

I’m wondering why a number of people seemed to miss the mass. The church is almost a quarter empty. I’m not used to it. However, I need to focus on the mass. I’ve missed consecutive Sundays and I can’t lose this one by not paying attention. I listened carefully and tried to internalize things. Today’s homily speaks about the love of man to God. The gospel tells the story of Peter. He asked Peter three times if Peter loves Him. Though Christ knows Peter loves Him, He wants Peter to prove it. And Peter proved it in the end by living the life and words of Christ. He professed his faith though he knows that it would lead to his death for he believes in Christa and according to John 3:16, for God so love the world that He gave His only begotten son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but will have an everlasting life. The priest puts the words of the Lord in the picture. Love is not a noun to be defined but a verb to be acted upon.

I don’t know why but God has greater plans than what I have for myself. It’s 18 and He throws a question: Do you love me? I know I can answer His question with regards to my faith. However, it sounds like it’s not that alone. It’s like I’m meant to answer that today about my past love, a step I consider as moving on. I’ll start with I love her; don’t put a question mark on it. My love is unconditional and irrevocable, it’s timeless. I love her but I’m afraid to admit that I was scared of the future. I want to enjoy life, have doubts as much as I have certainties, and be ready to face things without turning back. It’s my fault, I know. But we all need grown-ups for a strong relationship, right? We need to grow up to sustain a relationship, to learn more of our own selves before learning more of us, and to finally make something that will last forever. But now, I love her that’s why I’m giving her the happiness she deserves to have and go on with my own life. I’ve learned a lot from our relationship, she has had me open but I must be going because I got life to do. It’s my third time saying I’m moving on and I’m hoping this time, it will be the last. I want to accept things and unearth other options. Maybe I’m not meant for her. I want to thank her for all the things we’ve been through and for opening my eyes of how strong can I be. I want to end my yearning. I have moved on.

Shit! The old guy broke his arm by trying to bend a metal. Who said it’s a talent? I can hardly breathe watching it. I pitied him because instead of working hard with that arm, he used it to make the impossible possible, which in that case he fails.

I want to share my candle light dinner I had for myself a while ago after the mass. It all started with my crave for ice cream. In place of going home, I went to the market to search for a pint of ice cream. Then, the rotating brownout smacked. I walked from one store to another, and felt my stomach grunting. I was near the LBP because Ena told me there’s a convenience store out there. The store which is a 24/7 store is closed. The rain began to pour heavily; I rushed at Kozee so I can avoid the rain. Being there makes me starve so I ordered a mango cooler and a garlic chicken meal. They handed me a lighted candle and I was there looking like I’m waiting in vain for someone. It appeared to me like a blind date. Who should that date be? I’m looking forward to meet her one of these days.

Backstabbing is not good for teens. It’s just one week and they prejudged their housemates as if they know each other so well. tsk, tsk. Tricia is a bitch but I know she has a heart of gold. Girls hate her because she flirts with Ivan but is she hated because she is a flirt or just because those who hate her can’t flirt with Ivan like Tricia does?

I’m waiting for the HARAPAN; it’s good to have an idea who’s the best bets for senators. I know I can’t vote but it doesn’t mean I should care less about our present condition. It’s my future they are about to build or destroy. I just can’t sit and watch Philippines as it rise or fall. I am the future and I should work for it.

That’s all for now; sweet dreams.

april madness 5

2010-04-17T22:18:00.000+08:00

APRIL 17, 2010.

I received a text message from Ena, my brother’s batchmate. It says ‘Hindi naman dapat laging sinasabi ang pagmamahal; minsan, kailangan lang makinig sa puso’. It’s from the indie film Paano ko Sasabihin with lead stars Erich Gonzales and Enchong Dee.

It’s a good morning. No, it’s a good noon. I’ve been skipping breakfast meals since the day I arrived here. My mother is telling off all the time that I’ve grown so skinny and very sickly, which I admit. So I grab the chocolate truffles on the fridge and eat some for breakfast. I drink some iced tea and that’s it, a satisfying meal. I went to the living room and found out a box. I asked my sister what is it and she said it’s our cousin’s yearbook who graduated in college in the same school I’ve been sent. Well, Sultan Kudarat Polytechnic State College has just turned into Sultan Kudarat State University last year, for your info. I opened it and went on the High School Department. Their yearbook’s concept was about prophecies – what will they be 10 years after their graduation. I had fun reading it. I read Ate Mae’s self-prophecy; she’ll be the first Filipina to walk in the surface of the moon without any protection. Kuya Kevin was a bit simple; after ten years, he will still be living his life. Another one made me chuckled; he said he will be 27 after 10 year which is absolutely true. Ate Nikki was a bit surprising – an indomitable assassin. But the most amazing which happened to be sad also was Kuya Jude’s forecast, to be successful and marry Ms. Jeleena Denise Jimenez. Jude and Jhed broke up a year ago and Jhed is happy with his new boyfriend now, JK Ong. But who knows what might happen, 10 years is a long and winding journey.

Speaking of yearbook, I was wondering what happened to some of my batchmates. I heard Kirk had a child and baptized it last March 1. Janin and Rey are going stronger which is totally predictable and expected. How about my other classmates? I don’t have any idea what they’re going through. I’ve been outdated since we parted. I miss my high school friends. I hope they’ll miss me too.

I finished my mother’s welcome remarks on our reunion. I never had the plan of writing it because she can do it and she’ll be revising everything I’ve done for sure, which makes the piece useless. But still, for thirty minutes, it’s completed. Hurrah! I’ll share what I’ve written, but then again disclaimer, may I remind you that I am not perfect. I’m open for criticisms, constructive criticisms, but just don’t laugh at it. Here it is.

Good morning.

Today, we’re all gathered here to witness another year of family bonding, get-together and meeting new members of our growing clan. With this, I, in behalf of the Nemesio Pabalinas family, welcome everyone to our 7th Pabalinas-Gerada-Villacruzes Grand Family Reunion with the theme Many Faces, One Dream, Far Places – ONE FAMILY.

This year’s theme is telling us that though our growing family might have been living in different places, far enough that we don’t have any idea that we are somehow connected, everyone has a goal that someday we can all be reunited to strengthen our family. Family is just a word but it contains almost all – love, sense of belongingness, a social network. We all need a family; it’s something we can lean on when the times get rough and we can hold on to when everyone’s turning their backs. And that’s why we are all here, to know who those people are and how we are all related, to build a link that would create a mutual benefit, and to feel like we belong. Kung sadto, wala gid ta kaistorya sa jeep kada sakay ta, basi tapos sining reunion may ara na. Kung sadto wala gid ta kakilala sang tupad ta, basi subong mabugno ta na. ‘Hi ako gali si ano, diba paryentehanay ta? Ti kamusta na? It’s a small world after all.

Our family, which is this year’s sponsor, is much honored to render our support and aid to make this very successful. From the different committees, we all assure you that despite the financial crisis we are going through, we can all enjoy this day. In the end, it’s not about the food or the grand celebration that we are after; it’s all about the FAMILY and being part of it.

I hope you’ll enjoy this day. Good morning and once again, welcome to our 7th Pabalinas-Gerada-Villacruzes Grand Family Reunion!

Good thing it’s done. No pestering anymore. LOL. I’m reading the Philippine Daily Inquirer right now. Today’s issue on one of its section tackles the Presidential candidates’ twitter account. I never imagined them twitting. I don’t have a twitter account that’s why I’m kind of amused with them. I mean, at their age, this is not a joke, is it? If they’re using only this for their campaign, shame on them. Are they that desperate to win? If for personal use or just a recreation, hilarious but they need to. With the growing era of internet, social networking sites are very in.

Topping the list is Liberal Party’s Benigno Aquino III. He has 48, 285 followers and 96 tweets. Next is Gilbert Teodoro with 14, 332 followers and 1,654 tweets. Manny Villar has 1, 926 followers and 346 tweets on the third place followed by Dick Gordon with 1, 203 followers and 1, 061 tweets. Erap Estrada, on the last spot, has 988 followers and 399 tweets. That’s just as of now. Who knows? Jamby Madrigal, Eddie Villanueva or Nicanor Perlas might be topping the twitters standards on the next election. LOL.

I’ve read on one of the section of PDI’s issue today that Gibo was purportedly offered to join Ninoy’s Cabinet if he’ll quit the race. But he rejects it, which is good. His spokesperson, Mike Toledo, told the press that “He [Teodoro] finds no rhyme or reason to withdraw from the race. Being the people’s candidate, he has to finish and win the race”. For your information, Gibo is my president. I found him the man of the hour. He was so brave that he even quitted as the LAKAS-KAMPI-CMD’s leader though he is still the party’s standard bearer. What’s more amazing is though some member of the coalition seemed to left him and betrayed him, he’s still eager to win the race fair and square. I can definitely tell you that he’s not the administration’s pet.

He once visited our school, I was there listening. One of his audiences asked him if ever he’ll win the race, would he dare to make PGMA accountable of her liabilities. The question is answerable by yes or no. But he managed to explain to everyone what he wants and what everyone of us on that hall was eager to hear without answering it by yes or no. He said that he’s a man that considers debt of gratitude but what the people deserve should be given to them. If the president was proven to be accountable, he’ll let the justice give her what is necessary. He even told us that a president acts on the executive and not on the legislative. I know smart people will go for him, not because he topped the bar on his time, which is actually one of the things we should consider, but because he deserves to be on top and on lead of everyone else. People said that it’s not the right time for him to run, but when is the right time? Can anyone tell what’s really the time we should elect leaders who are born to be leaders? I guess no one. Gibo for President, galing at talino.

I just opened my Yahoo mail and deleted all Facebook updates. I also opened my Facebook account and found out a tagged post from Karla and Kuya Topher. Karla told me that the one she danced with on our last night in Iloilo was a son of the GA Sky Suites. We drank GSM Blue that night, the four of us – she, I, Mabel and Sam. Being the only guy, I drank all that was left on the pitcher. They’re girls and they never drink much especially when they have 6:30 flights. I was so tipsy that I don’t give a damn who the persons they are dancing with, which is not me. I usually make sure that they’re ok and guide their way home. I was with Karla that night and it didn’t even cross my mind that he’s an heir of GA. What the hell is he doing in Small Ville, especially in Flow? I even told Karla to dance with that guy so she can be closed on guarding Sam and Mabel because I need to pee. I guess that’s the way thing are.

Kuya Topher posted on Kuya Justin’s wall that if I and the rest of the tagged persons on that post have free time, maybe we should spend time hanging out this vacation. And I replied a big OK. That’s all I can say. I mean, I don’t have any idea who those people are, except for him, Justin and Ate Althea. But I’m looking forward to it. I need it so I can save myself from this sea of boredom. It’s wearing me out and slowly by slowly kills me. I’m hoping that they’ll give me an update one of this day.

I need to go to church tomorrow. I owe God a lot. I want to talk to Him about what I’ve been through these past few days. I’ve been horrible and bitter about things which I know is not good. I’ll have to sleep now. I’m signing off.

p.s. I’m missing Catherine and I don’t know why. I kept thinking about her all the time. I bet it’s better to be with someone who annoys you than to be at peace everyday but missing the days she annoys you.

april madness 4

2010-04-16T21:15:00.000+08:00

APRIL 16, 2010.

Last night, I watched Andrew Garcia bid goodbye to American Idol 2010 viewers. I did witness the Demonic Toys 2 too. I was pretty preoccupied yesterday night that I confused myself what was really happening. Here’s the story, it was almost 12 and sleeping never crossed my mind. I enjoyed surfing the television, trying to find another great movie to kill the time. Then there’s this sudden breeze, cold wind enough to chill me to the bones. I felt like there is someone behind my back, watching me probably. Our television doesn’t have a remote control so I need to be near the screen and push buttons. I forgot to tell that everyone is asleep; I was alone at the living room. As I toggle the channeling button, you know that sequence – black empty screen then the channel, a reflection formed on the black empty screen. I can’t tell exactly what it looks like but I assumed it’s the light. My imagination is playing on me. But the creep was about to come. I heard a slight shriek behind me, its shadow covering the light. Whoosh! It seemed, to me, that he/she’s trying to whisper on my left ear. I ran few yards, sneak to my own room and forced myself to close my eyes.

zzZZzz. I had a dream but I can’t remember everything. All I know is I kept on running and then I bumped into something. Bang!

I roused up around 10 A.M., thirty minutes before my alarm. Kewl! It’s earlier than what I expected. I checked out the kitchen if there’s a breakfast for me but sad to find out that there’s none. I got back to my room and faced the mirror. It’s not the last night prowl that I’m scared of after facing that mirror. It’s my face telling me no more space for blackheads and pimples. Nheenia’s debut will be on May 4 and I can’t afford to see a dermatologist and use expensive medicines before that day. I’ll admit it; I’m pressured of how I’ll look because my former girlfriend will be attending the said affair too. Since the day I knew that she had a new boyfriend, I can’t just sit and chill-ax. It’s like I need to prove myself more. But now, look what I’ve done to myself. The worries and stress turned me into an ogre. I hate it, I had cured my acne vulgaris before and it’s coming again to worsen everything. F-U-C-K.

Here are some tips you can have if pimples assault you. Take it from the expert, that’s me. I’ve been there and done that. (1) Never look at the mirror or else it would break – break your heart. Pitying yourself after you know you have a bunch of annoying pimples won’t lessen the craters in your face. It would even stress you and stress is equal to pimple. Act as if you had none, walk with chin up and be proud. Consider it as an aphrodisiac. Look at the brighter side, you definitely look good but it’s just that nobody is perfect. LOL.

(2) Consult your dermatologist. Let him decide what you’ll use. As a living example, when I was suffering from pimple attacks, I’ve been using creams, pimple gels and pimple control extracts. I’ve tried almost all but it had just exacerbated the scenario. Then my parents finally decided that I should see a dermatologist. The doctor told me that the stuffs I’ve been using are not conducive and right for my skin and so he give me a list of what I should use – a cream, a soap, pimple gel and capsules. It was all beneficial, it worked. But the thing is I didn’t sustain it. I didn’t even follow the supposed time of application. It worked up to my first semester in college, until I faced series of stress and sleepless night again.

(3) Sleep right and adequately. With or without pimple, a healthy nap is for your own good. Staying late and lack of sleep are two of the reasons why pimples are sprouting. These are the grounds why our faces are susceptible to stress. There are some who never earned pimples after hours of working late and being short of sleep. But it doesn’t mean that it will also apply on you. Like what I’ve been saying, a healthy nap is for your own good.

(4) Have a healthy diet. Follow the food pyramid. Minimize oily foods, don’t go nuts over nuts. Peanuts are very cruel based on my experience. I just had a few and the next day I found out that I don’t have a nose anymore, I mean pimples covered it I can barely identify which is which. Foods play vital role on our skin, especially on our face. Be sure that you are well-nourished and supplied with vitamins.

(5) Wash your face. Do it regularly. Dusts are everywhere and we travel frequently. In order to avoid growing blemishes, get rid of the thing that causes it. Dust it off by washing your face with warm water, it opens your pores and washes away dirt. Use soap, Safeguard specifically, and wash with cool water. Pat dry using towel, never rub it to your face. Do this before and after you sleep.

You had it all. Just do it regularly and for sure it will have an effect, I’ll just pray it won’t be for worse. I’m hungry. But we don’t have anything in the kitchen, I need to do something or else we’ll starve the whole day. I’ll go buy some roasted chicken for our brunch. My siblings are counting on me. I’ve got no money in my pocket; just a few coins enough for me to get in the market. I’ll just use my ATM card and withdraw some cash. I’ll go the town now, be right back. I promise.

Now I’m back. We had an enough brunch. Speaking of peanuts awhile ago, we’re making peanuts praline here. My sister wants something to eat after all we’ve been through this morning. She bought some baking ingredients; we’ll bake some chocolate cookies. She also had some items for caraque and truffle-making. Cooking time, I’ll be back again. I promise.

Cooking with the Stars is back with me Chef Eduardo Latino. F! The cookies weren’t that good, they’re so bitter. The first products were over baked, it was completely black. My sister forgot set the oven on low fire. It was an absolute mess, it was a waste actually. We haven’t even tasted it which I guess is a bit better because the succeeding batch of baked cookies had more than enough baking powder. We used it because Isulan don’t have self-rising flour. And I even wonder why we used baking powder when in fact the thing we need to substitute is flour. Hmmn?

Good thing our truffles were sweet. Bad thing it’s brownout. The amalgamation of the two things spiced up the night. And now I can’t help myself but to eat all the truffles despite the fact that they all contained peanut praline. I’ll be on my ogre state tomorrow and I pray that I can still look good after tomorrow. My father is still out and here’s my mother again reminding me not to use my laptop in the dark. It will destroy my vision. I had enough of that from Tatay. I’ll be back soon after the electricity is back. I promise.

I turned it off, Nay. I’ll be watching the stars and watch out for a falling one. I loved stars, they fall for me. I hope she’ll do the same too.

Electricity is back! I’m happy and the television is all mine. Evil smirk, again and again. It’s PBB time. I hate it when people try to judge other people by the things they see under certain conditions. The things we do can’t define what we are and won’t define the life we’ll be living. I had much of these high school dramas and I had my fair share. We need to be in one’s shoes before we start saying something harsh or flattering. We might have projected a bad image once but that shouldn’t be the over-all projection after all. Think critically and logically. And for those who endured a first-rate deal of prejudice, just remember these: (1) Most of what is said about you doesn’t really talks about you, it talk more of who they are, unconsciously. Thinkers are doers. (2) A ship won’t sink unless the water gets in. Don’t confirm to what they’re trying to say, prove them wrong.

It’s 16th; I remember the next day after tomorrow. That’s the day I told her I’ll be back. And after a year, here I am. Having nothing, I’m still back as promised.

april madness 3

2010-04-15T22:13:00.000+08:00

APRIL 15, 2010.

Wouldn’t it be a noisy world if everyone speaks everything they thought?

I had a hard time sleeping last night because I got my eyes stuck on the television. Well, we, my brother Erwin and younger sister Winnie, all slept at my parents’ room – the only air-conditioned room in our house and take note no mosquitoes allowed. I’ve got lots of mosquito bites since the day I arrived, they’re big mosquitoes and every bite hurts like a needle. So back to my hard time sleeping, I watched the American Idol at Star World. It was my first glance at the talent show and I was amazed to the guy who sang Can’t Help Falling in Love by Elvis Presley. They all sang Elvis’ song but he’s the only mellow. Simon Cowell even told him that he managed to be from zero to hero in just two weeks. After the show is Glee but it is not a fresh US episode. Then I watched out for it in ETC, and then all I had was the last part. They sang: you say goodbye, I say hello. OK, done. That’s all I remembered until I woke up 3:27 in the morning.

It was an early foggy rise for me. The worse thing is I can’t get back sleeping. All I did was staring the roof and wait for the dawn. Then, it’s 5:04 A.M. and my mother had just got up from her bed. I pretend I was asleep until she went outside the room to prepare breakfast. I ran after her trying to help but I find myself drowsy. I want to sleep. Err! So I transferred my pillow and blanket to my sister’s room, they’re out and that means I can sleep there. The phone rang for about 10 times and when I was about to answer, she dropped the call. F***! I just heard someone from our neighbor calling our house boy. I guess, it’s all about the laundry ready for pick-up. OK, I didn’t bother.

BRB, I’ll take some nap! Now Playing: Pusong Ligaw by Jeans.

I got a wake up call, phone call actually. It’s my mother asking me if it’s okay that she’ll get a GSC-Cebu-Iloilo trip for me. The flight will be on May 30, 2010 and she’s going to arrange and pay it for me. Cool! It’s not my cargo anymore. It costs 1900++, good thing we have it while it’s low-priced.

I have some advices when you’re booking you’re tickets: (1) Never book and buy tickets on peak season because it will cost you much. If you can have it earlier much better but if you can have it with a promo seat, that’s the best! (2) Book on Western Union for less service fee and less hassle but book on ticketing offices if you want a slot for your reservations. If you have a visa card, that would be better because you can pay it later. (3) Check the availability and costs of trips before booking online. It’s good to have something in mind before you put your money on a trip and regret that there’s a cheaper a trip and you have no idea about it. (4) Verify your schedules to avoid rebooking or worse, a no-show. Both will require you fees and that’s a total waste of money. Conflicts must be avoided as much as possible (5) Go on a trip with your friends; get the consensus of your clique and book on a schedule you are all available. It’s good to have friends while on the plane for social raison d'êtres, other than that, for taxi reasons of course; that’s self explanatory. (6) You must book your own flight to avoid errors on name and birthdates. If you can’t, at least try to send someone who really know you, kinfolks or close friends perchance; that’s better. (7)

Hard boiled egg and iced tea for brunch. Vice Ganda got me nailed again to Showtime. I like the first performer, Magnanimous dancer. They were so out of this world. They look like the white version of Ben 10’s one creature – that one with alien looks.

I figured out that I’ve got nothing to do with my life today. And now I remember my mother demanding me a welcome speech for our upcoming reunion on April 24. I don’t know what to write or where I’m supposed to start – good morning or good day? I can’t even start, how much more writing the succeeding paragraphs. What should be the content? I want to start it with a dare to unite every one of us in the clan and know each other much better. I’ll finish this before Saturday and I’m left with no choice but to do so.

My two sisters are back and they brought chocolates for us, of course. But we’re not going to eat, all of these, today. It’s for my elder sister’s upcoming birthday. She’ll be turning 19 on the 22nd, the same natal day with my high school friend Chrisma who’ll be turning 18. Last night I received a text from her; it’s a group message saying that she won’t be celebrating her debut because of family problems. What she’s trying to tell perhaps is she can’t throw a soiree, a grand and bountiful one. I mean, we can all have a good time on our birthdates whether we have a feast or none at all. I wanted to console her that night, tell her we’ll come and we’ll celebrate her debut but I ran out of cellular phone load. For sure, our common friends understand everything she is going through. We’re all her back-up.

And speaking of celebrations, I had just fixed my eyes to Star World and watch the Ellen Show. It was her last year’s episode, 13 days before Christmas. She talks about giving gifts, how we can give gifts despite the fact that we are undergoing recession and financial crisis. And despite the said crisis, she even managed to furnish everyone in the studio with an interactive gaming tool, I don’t know exactly the name of the toy but it’s like a motion detector. You’ll be playing lawn tennis using your tv screen and use that joystick thing as a racket. Absolutely cool! OK, so back to what I was trying to say. It seems like everyone was born in April. With that, important people deserves a gift, that’s for me, whether materials or just a feeling to express your gratitude or a kiss, a hug or even a pat on their shoulder. Each of us deserves something in return though it sounds like a bit hypocritical. For everything they did, do and will be doing, a greeting card isn’t that hard to give for their own special occasions. So that’s it, I’ll be giving gifts.

Here are some tips from Ellen that we can think of in giving gifts even though we’re out of budget. (1) One man’s thrash is another man’s treasure. Don’t take it literally. I know everyone had lots of stuffs we almost forgot because we’ve stopped using them. Our childhood toys – the toy guns, toy car collection, story books and brick games, for example; we can give them to our nieces, nephews and younger cousins like what I’m likely to do on my cousin Marlo’s birthday this Saturday. He’s not that old, he’ll accept it for sure. (2) Accessorize simple things. You can buy a mug worth 20 pesos in a tiangge and put some beads around it. As they say, imagination is the limit. I remember my high school friend Janin, she made this glow-in-the-dark gift for Jue. She bought a fish bowl and decorated it. After all, it was the most appreciated gift way back in high school, second perhaps to our student teacher’s gift to Nheenia. She received a preserved butterfly. Enough for that. Just touch things with King Midas’ fingers. (3) Gift of music. Generation not-so-long-ago loves music as a gift, even today’s era. I’ve heard Ellen setting an example. You can sing this on your grandma’s birthday: “It’s Britney, bitch. Give me, give me more. Give me more, give me, give me mhore.” She got me there. I was laughing when she sang it. Anyway, our favorite songs are timeless. They bring us back to the moment we first heard them, make us laugh, or cry or one again breaks our hearts. (4) Give your heart. In everything we give, it’s not the thing we give that actually matters. As long as you present it with a tap of love and you really meant giving it, the one in receipt of it will be happy, not totally because of the gift but the fact that it’s from you.

Dear John on our local movie channel. John dived for Savannah’s bag. That’s all. I got bored and so I switched the channel. I watched Wowowee for a while. Here’s the issue, Pokwang was in hot seat after a video clip on Youtube caught her yelling at Carmen Soo. How could she? I mean, maybe Carmen made some mistakes during the show but she’s new there and the fact that she’s a Malaysian. I prefer watching Carmen Soo in Showtime rather than in Wowowee.

I took some nap and it’s 4. What the F? Time runs so fast. One Tree Hill runs fast too. It’s on its season seven. I can’t imagine myself watching it and asking what the hell happened. Like watching Gossip Girl yesterday, I had lots of question. Where are Lucas and Peyton? Why is Rachel dating Dan? Maybe I’m used to seeing them as high school students. They’re all better then. Basketball. *sigh*

I quoted this line from Rachel; she said this to Brooke in Haley’s concert at Tric: True forgiveness is accepting your own fault.

I need to take some break. I was badly hurt with the quote. It sounds like it was really made for this day. Will I ever learn to forgive?

april madness 2

2010-04-14T22:10:00.000+08:00

APRIL 14, 2010.

I’ve just woke up and realized that my pillow is wet with my own saliva.

Gross! I throw the pillow case in the laundry bag and sun dried the pillow. I glance at my phone and I take in 11:13 A.M. as the time of my stirring up. It’s hot! Sun rays are hurting me. Brownout, again? Rotating black/brownout is not cool. No television talking, no electric fan cooling you up, no stereo pumping, nothing at all. Sometimes it makes me wonder why my parents haven’t invest yet on alternative energy after suffering for almost half a year in this effin electricity shortage, like putting windmills or solar panel on our roof. I know it costs much for us knowing that my parents are just average earners but come on. Windmills and solar panels are forever. They can supply energy as long as it is in good condition. And also considering global warming, solar panels are so cool. Imagine the heat energy it can absorb for an hour. I guess it would run a television and the refrigerator at the same time. Maybe it’s time for everyone else to think outside the box. We’ve been getting ill with the tragedy of the commons. We think that are resources are perpetual. Can’t the word ‘non-renewable’ sink in our mind?

Breakfast: Nothing. I’m not in the mood. I guess I’ll just have a brunch later. Laundry works for now.

Since I’ve been chatting about energy, I can’t just let Bataan Nuclear Power Plant slip off my mind. There was this issue last year towards the end of my first semester about the use of the said Power Plant. The government is going gaga pursuing this act to avoid energy crisis. If you’re playing Red Alert or Yuri, power plants are very important because it supplies energy to the whole camp. Well, a power plant uses uranium 238, the last occurring natural element. Uranium 238 is a very hazardous, just thinking that it was the same component used in the atomic bombs dropped in Hiroshima, Japan. We should also consider past incidents about exploding power plants like the power plants in Chernobyl. It has significant upshots to the environment. It can lead to high particulate emission levels due to burning of inferior grade coal, emissions of SO2, NO and greenhouse gases, water pollution caused by the bilge water discharge from ash ponds, DM plant and boiler blow down. Instead of arguing about it, why shouldn’t the government think of another source like the ones that made Ilocos very popular (windmills) or improving hydroelectric and solar energy?

Two hours had passed and I can’t control my thoughts. They keep in bursting like they’re telling me, I want to go out and be written. They’re like halo-halo. I bet this is an immediate effect of power dearth. Ok, so I had this plan of joining the Bayer Expo. It’s like an environmental activity that imposes awareness to the youth. I’ve read the guidelines and it requires an environmental advocacy. I’m not sure if I’m right because the last time I’ve read it was last month. Anyway, my advocacy is. Wait, am I joining or what? I said I was planning or the next school year. So my advocacy is the promotion of bicycles, wave boards, skate boards and roller skates to every citizen if they can’t afford to walk and gawk the sun. Just for one day almost everyone, if not all, all over the world will set aside their vehicles. Imagine the amount of air pollution we can avoid and the liters of oil we can preserve. What’s more amazing for me is that if we can do this twice or even once a week for the rest of the years, we can still save earth. If we heartily embraced the Earth Hour, why can’t we support No Vehicle Day? What is a day of going out from our comfort zone, bike or walk in the streets to reach our destinations? Is it really hard? Maybe it’s time for us to do something good for our Mother Earth that those who died saving it would have not just died in vain.

The power is back. Good thing I was the first to turn on the television. Being that person means having the authority to surf the channels and watch the show you want while your siblings are teary-eyed. LOL.

I’m currently watching MYX, the number one music channel in the Philippines; your choice, your music. Jay-R is the video jockey. It’s Pinoy MYX. Well, I was out of the circulation of sure-fire hits when I was in Iloilo. The dorm’s tv doesn’t have a cable and though I’m a solid Kapamilya, I get fed up sometimes. Now I’m back in the flow. I’m having LSS to the following songs: Baby by Justin Bieber, Binggeul Baenggeul by Ukiss, You are the Only Exception by Paramore and Lapit by Yeng Constantino. The beat of Baby is above all. It got me hooked up and I just keep singing. Baby, baby, baby oh. Baby, baby, baby no. Baby, baby, baby oh. I thought you would always be mine. I’m not a fan of Bieber. Swear to God, I never sing One Time as often as Baby. Never did I become coiled to his other songs, but this one is really addictive. I can’t just sit and listen everytime I hear it, I usually find myself singing along with it. And guess what, I’m practicing and trying to mimic the Ukiss. I don’t know why I’m turning Korean these past few days. My brother keeps on asking what’s with the groove. I don’t know, I guess there comes a time in your life where you don’t care at all and the next day you’ll act like you heed it long before. You are the Only Exception’s music video is exceptional. I like Haley/Hayley since I first saw the vid. It’s like she’s not the screaming lead singer of Paramore anymore. The song sounds sweet or maybe I’m just swept away. Lapit sounds more of me. The song that completely expresses the words I want to say at this moment. It’s very kewl. I like the way Yeng sings it. It’s soothing. But I guess these songs are just flavors of the moment, they won’t last forever in my mind, that’s for sure. Yet though these are ‘for now’, the fact that it had me at the moment I’ve heard them means they mean a lot to me.

Too much for music, it’s movie time. Our local cable subscription allows us to see movies fresh from movie houses – pirated. I’ve seen Alice and Miss You Like Crazy almost every day. That’s the reason why I never had a chance to see movie houses in high school. It’s a waste of money. I can watch it in my television at my own convenience. I’ll just wait for it. Patience is a virtue.

The movie for today is The Eye starring Jessica Alba. I’ve seen this before. It was a remake of a Japanese film, ayt? [correct me if I’m wrong, but I hope not]. I like Jessica here, she’s hot. A hot woman with a weird transplanted eyes that can see what is about to happen. Cool but as they say, great powers come with great responsibilities. I’m gonna toggle the channel button to PBB Teen Clash 24/7.

I’ll be right back. I need to take a bath and have some brunch and do some private stuff.

Ok, I’m back. I’m tuned to ETC, it’s all good. Daily 10 is the show and it tells me that Lady Gaga is enjoying celibacy. Crap! Is that for good? I guess not. She said in a newspaper that she has no boyfriend for now and not engaging in sex is cool. Aside from that, Hep is throwing or did he just throw a Birthday Party in Vegas? I’ll wait for his show right here in ETC, the Playboy Mansion. Sexy girls will be there for sure. Daily 10 is finally over. Gossip Girl 3 is next.

Jenny seduces Nate, doesn’t she? I just caught this line from Blair: “How war is too far?” I really don’t know what’s happening in Manhattan. I’ve been out for a school year and forgot about them. Is Serena with Nate again? I thought Jenny was Dan’s younger sister? Why is she messing with her brother’s ex girlfriend by coveting her brother’s ex girlfriend’s boyfriend? What’s wrong with Chuck and Blair? Are Dan and Vanessa for good? Can anyone answer me? I have lots of question marks here. I’ll be watching it next Tuesday. I almost forgot it’s Wednesday, Glee is every Wednesday. Tonight, if my brother won’t mess up with my television authority, I’ll watch it. Couch potato here, ciao for now.

It’s 8:30 P.M. I had my dinner without my father and my two sisters. How distressing and poignant is that? Have I told you that my father is in Cebu for a ten-day convention? I guess. How about my younger sister taking an entrance exam in San Pedro College chaperoned by my older sister? I guess not. Rowena is going to college in Davao. I’m so proud that my parents can handle to send the three of us, her, me and Kristine, to school. How cool is that? Haha. I assume that my allowance will be cut off for the next school year. It’s ok with me. I can deal with it. No luxuries for the mean time. My parents will be having hard time supplying school fees for us, with my two siblings and two relatives in high school. I need some part-time jobs. I’ve read in a newspaper few days ago about this tutoring center for Japanese. It requires the following: a UP student or alumni (check), has a personal computer (check), can work 7pm to 12 mn (in doubts), and has an internet connection (at the dormitory). I can take that but I should also consider my school. I still have a month and a half to think about it.

Clash of the Titans at free channel, astounding! It was release few weeks ago and now I have it right to my eyes. I’ll watch Clash of the Gods: Hercules at History Channel and PBB Teen Clash after this. Gawd, this night is a clash. Glee was completely washed off my mind but I can still watch the replay tomorrow. This is all I can offer tonight.

Good night!

april madness 1

2010-04-13T23:05:00.000+08:00

APRIL 13, 2010.

Home is my comfort zone – cozy, refreshing and compelling. I can wear boxer briefs, go topless and walk with confidence in every corner. I can dance with my two left feet without having qualms or people laughing and trying to put down my composure. I can sleep with my saliva dripping on my own shirt or on the floor or even to my pillow. I can snort and have grunts like a ship saying ‘baborp & estriborp’. I can pick up specks of dropped foods and still put it in my mouth, gross it is but it’s good to eat some germs sometimes. LOL. I can watch the television all day and flare my eyes with its luminescence. I can do everything I want – no chauvinistic eyes on me, no pressure, no nos & don’ts.

I’m homed for half month this summer solstice but still boredom knocks me out. WTF was wrong with home?

I’m watching the tv right now and God! Erap’s pants were ripped off and he can still laugh at it like it’s no biggy. What’s funny, for me, is that he was once ousted as presidents yet he still runs for it. Silly!

With old and high school friends having their summer classes, this summer is not fun as the previous summers I have. I can’t talk and spend hours of comfy conversation with Jue. She’s in SPC having summer classes. I know she hates it. She likes to be a bitch in the beach. It’s an accolade. She doesn’t like classes on summer because it’s frustrating. Well, Jue is a good telephone caller. What’s good about her is that she doesn’t hover and acts like she’s interested. She just pokes around on her own and allows me to talk and pour my heart out. She waits until I can figure things out. Sometimes it’s good to have someone who’ll listen to you than to have someone who’ll give you bunch of sermons and talks as you talk, ayt? We usually talk about political issues, stands on different controversies, our common friends, our own lives, and the future – very educational. We love to discuss movies and their reviews, scandalous lives of people we do and don’t know, and plot evil plans. But Jue was and will be out for a month, the phone won’t ring as often as it rings most of the time.

Lea Salonga, one of the country’s prides, will act as a cougar in a project with John Lloyd Cruz. Kewl! At least she’s too honest and brave to accept a break-through role in the Philippine’s tinsel town.

Another caller is Peyt, she’s my secretary when I was in high school. I was the school body org governor for Christ’s sake in our effin’ school and she was the campus representative – the one who expresses high school melodramatic social problems in the higher office with the university senators, I was one of those senators. Her job actually was to be a keen observer but then the org lacks a secretary so I appointed her, and she lives miserably after that day. But she became also my personal secretary, she arranges my schedule, jot down notes in meetings and classes which I believe was my task, and reasons out to everyone who asks where the hell I am. Anyways, Peyt calls when she has problems and she asks for advices. I’m good at preaching, some says. But I can’t call and talk to her right now because if I did we’ll both talk about our exes. We already had much of this pain and regrets, and we can’t afford to bring this to the topic table everytime we talk. It’s our fault that we leave them because we’re afraid of what lies ahead. Talking about them, our exes, is very inevitable that’s why I don’t drop a call these days since I arrived. As they say, misery loves company and I don’t want to tolerate it between the two of us. I’ll call her when I’m ready, I’ve moved on and when she did the same things.

Rotating Brownout hits Sultan Kudarat, again! We’ve been suffering to this dilemma for a year partly. Maybe it’s time for the government to resolve this issue by funding another source of energy, geothermal or solar energy perhaps. Good thing my computer notebook was fully charged. It will last for an hour and a half.

Aside from Peyt and Jue, my heavy drinking friends were also out this summer. Summer classes and summer jobs are keeping them busy. Last summer, we had this week-long post-graduation celebration where we drink til we drop every night. We used Roli’s pick-up car as our haulage to our friends’ own places. I still have a bottle of The Bar here and a bottle of rhum but Dutch, Mike, Jepoy, Tolits, Rj, and Tata won’t be around this time. I guess I have to drink these all by myself. I can’t even share to them the different mixes I had when I was in Iloilo, the flavors and the alcohol-aftermath. We can’t talk about our love lives as often as we talk way back in high school, and cry like babies for having wounded hearts. We haven’t even visited our common friend who just had his first child baptized. Hectic sched this summer is really a barrier. I guess, this is not the summer for reunion.

I’ve been sleeping this April to escape boredom. I’ve already finished reading Percy Jackson and the Olympian Series, and find its ending very wanting. The Last Olympian book got me crazy thinking about who would be the next seven demi-gods in the prophecy. Rick Riordans should continue the book or else I’ll die without justice. Good thing Annabeth and Percy end up together, despite the fact that their parents, Poseidon and Athena were not so clique since time immemorial. The book series was good but it’s done. I’ve read between the line and read these line thrown by Aphrodite, “the most dangerous flaws are those which are good in modification; evil is easy to fight, lack of wisdom, that is very hard indeed”. Thumbs up to Riordan’s book. BTW, the movie The Lightning Thief was not that awesome, it completely ruined the story. I mean, I know the movie can’t just put the whole book into motion but at least they tried to emphasize scenes that were vital to the series, like Ares trying to mess with Percy and the conversation with Hades. However, if you haven’t read the book, the movie was great and very entertaining.

Speaking of books in the big screen, Nicholas Sparks’ Dear John was not so telegenic. It didn’t look good in the movie house, I never had the chance to watch it but every friend I ask about it said it’s not that cool. Better read the book and watch it. I’m not into romantic books but I’ll try to read my downloaded pdf on the following days.

My father scolded me for reading, as far as he barely knows what I’m doing, in the dark. It’s not healthy. Yea, tatay, I’ll turn this off later. He’s leaving for Cebu tomorrow, some sort of convention I-don’t-know. Ok, I’m not going to turn this off but I’ll just close this and play my playlist – Rascal Flatts and contemporary artists.

zzZzzZzz for now…

An hour had passed and I realized I can’t sleep, I’ve slept the whole day and I can’t meet the outlay of sleeping again. I’m Moving On by the Rascal Flatts is a great song. Every Day is greater. But She Goes All the Way is the greatest song. Music and lyrics, I guess, are good confidant. They console me everytime I need to be. They gave me the feeling of eating ice creams and chocolates whenever I eat them – some sort of narcotics.

The electricity is back. It’s 10:00, exactly.

PBB mode. Tricia Santos is damn pretty. She looks good in tv except the fact that she’s talkative and insensitive. I’ve been following her even in the 24/7 PBB and ask my friends who knew her. Macel is in ADDU and they’ve crossed roads for sure. Karla told me that her cousin was Tricia’s ex and Egbert’s friend Mau was her ex too. Imagine, she’s just a 14 year-old lass. But who said there’s a right age for love. I was at her age when I was first in love. Uh-oh! Enough for that, and the reality show was finally over. Blogging and watching tv – multitasking indeed.

My night is almost over. Drowsiness is creeping into my nerves. Few minutes and I’ll be knocked off on my bed. Boredom sucks. Summer will seem to be forever at this time. But I realized something. I can play with my thoughts and emotions. It’s a good thing that you learn to understand everything within you and use it as a cultivating tool to know yourself more and more each day.

I guess I’m back into business or shall I say busy-ness?

Good night.

my speech.

2010-01-22T17:54:00.000+08:00

yesterday, we had our speech for our comm3 class. it's our long exam and i almost flunked it. effin shit. so here's the guidelines; we should make a speech to inform that would last for 5 minutes. we must also apply what we've learned in the class - iconics, paralanguage, haptics, and oculics (i'm dnot sure if this is right but it sounds like this - i don't jot down notes that why i always forget things). my speech was about the emerging social networks on WWW. whew.

it lasted for 6 minutes and 9 seconds. erg. and i didn't even finished the whole speech plus the C- articulation and mastery. i hope it won't be an F. coz if it is. than it would be fail or f***shit.

***

Books were never in my vocabulary until one day, I found a book that hooked me up and turned me into a book worm. FACEBOOK.

Facebook is just one out of the hundreds of social networking sites that allows us to create and share our personal profile. This profile is typically composed of information about you, photos, blogs and videos but its most important feature is the ability to find friends and connect with them. But before it hit the mainstream, how did it all started? And before we engage ourselves in the history of social networking, what is really a social network?

Most of us, whether we admit or not, are social creatures. As such, the root of all success from social networking sites is based on a need to connect and expand connections. For most of history, connections were largely limited by geographical or economic considerations. But today, social networks allow people to expand their connections around interests. The proliferation of blogs, for example has shown that people love to share their opinion. I guess there is a deeply rooted need among human beings to share something, whether it is information or opinions. And by this, every social networks appeals to the altruistic side of people by allowing them to share their connection and introduce friends to other friends.

According to Wikipedia, there are at least 300 social network sites or SNS in which 174 are major and active. And based on the survey conducted by the TopTenReviews.com on these SNS, Facebook is the fastest growing SNS in the world as evaluated on the following criteria - profile, security, networking features, search, help/support and legitimate friend focus. FB, as layman would call it, was followed by MySpace, Bebo, Friendster, Hi5 and Twitter. But before Facebook and the rest of its kind took the world by a storm, it all started with one concept – a computerized bulletin board system.

CBBS was conceptualized on January 16, 1978 by Ward Christensen to fill a specific need of informing other members of their group about important announcements. Then series of CBBS came to the scene until the first recognizable social network site was launched in 1997, the SixDegrees.com. From 1997 to 2001, a number of community tools began supporting various combinations of profiles. AsianAvenue, BlackPlanet, and MiGente allowed users to create personal, professional, and dating profiles. The next wave of SNSs began when Ryze.com as well as Tribe.net and Friendster.com were launched in 2001 to help people leverage their business networks. Then like sprouting mushrooms, various SNS existed.

I’m sure you’re quite familiar with Farmville on Facebook and Karma on Plurk. But these are just bit of the features of existing SNS. If you’re an open source software developer, for example, you can try Advogato. If you’re into music, just type Buzznet. If you’re into photo-art appreciation, you can drop by at DeviantArt, and QuarterLife.. If you like plain blogging, Blogster, or OpenDiary, which is the first online blogging community founded in 1998, would be suited for you. Plurk, Twitter and Tumblr are great also for micro-bloggers. If you want blog, photos and music all in one, Multiply, Imeem and Gogoyoko are the must-clicks.

Aside from those, diverse SNSs are also major hits like aSmallWorld.com which is an exclusive site for European jet set and socialites. Care2, for example, is an environment friendly SNS; the world’s largest community of speakers - Livemocha, is language learning site; WiserEarth is a site that promotes social justice; Eons.com is an SNS for baby boomers; Epernicus and ScienceStage are site for young scientists.

SNSs can also be according to religion like Muxlim.com for Muslims, and Xt3 for Catholics; or according to race such as Zoo.gr for Greeks, Sonico.com for Latin Americans, Skyrock for Francs, Renren for Chinese, Orkut in India, Odnoklassniki in former soviet republics, Mixi in Japan, Decayenne for Europeans, Biip in Norway, and many more.

Social network sites (SNSs) are increasingly attracting millions of people. It is simply because we want all to establish a sense of identity. I guess not everyone has a personal website. It may come as a shock to most of you here but for some people, social networks personal pages are the only place where people maintain an identity beyond the fact that the URL is on the service instead of being a personal one.

hell week.

2010-01-07T16:13:00.000+08:00

hell week again and again. kakakuha ko lang ng test booklet ko sa chem 17 and tadaa - here i go again. i sort of hate it but i can't do anything about it. i should've studied and reviewed more in the first place. but then again, what's done is done. thinking the positive side, may 2nd long, third long pa. haha. physics exam was a mess. medyo alam ko yung concept but i don't know if i got it right. sir lim told us that if you failed to answer the first question correctly, then the rest of the items will be marked wrong. isang problem lang kasi pero andaming tanong. kailangan pa ang mga vector addition, forces and work, and energy. at laws of motion. hay. sana di ako mazero. erg.

i have an upcoming exam sa chem 17 lab and math 53. hay. Lord. sana pumasa ako. i need to impose self-discipline and control. masyado na akong nalilihis sa tamang landas. but i'll try to do good things this year. i've been bad last year. i cannot afford to be worse. hay. maglalaro na daw kami ng frisbee. gotta go.

eduardo is out.

new year.

2010-01-01T02:47:00.000+08:00

the net sucks. no, globe bro sucks. sa lahat ng oras at araw bakit ngayon pa?? bagong taon na nga sana eh. hay. well. kakaunti lang ang mga paputok. gusto ko sanang bumili ng marami, kakarating lang kasi ng sahod ko. di pala sahod yun, allowance ko pala sa dost yun. pero tinatawag ko lang na sahod kasi parang sahod nga naman talaga sa pag-aaral. may allowance naman kasing binibigay ang parents ko. haha. so yun na nga, may pera ako pero wala na kaming mabilhan. ipinagbabawal na siguro to sa bayan eh. may municipal ordinance raw, di ko lang alam kung ano. maaga akong natutulog. boring kasi eh. tapos kinakailangan ko ring gumising ng maaga kasi maglalakwatsa na naman ako.

ngayong bagong taon, my resolution is to be more like me and be less like anyone else. i was a copycat last 2009. i was often associated with people i don’t know. i was a shadow. whenever they’re hit with light, there i was. but that’s not me. i was a lame bastard away from my comfort zone. 2010 is a promising year, i won’t waste a single jiffy of it. aside from that, di na rin ako magpapalate at matutulog ng late. di na rin ako maglalasing kung marami akong dapat gawin. haha. iiwasan ko na rin ang pagnight out. magtitipid na rin ako. di na ako bibili ng hindi ko kailangan. magpapakabait na rin akong anak. di na ako magsisinungaling sa mga magulang ko about sa allowance ko.

goal ko naman sa taong ito ang makapunta sa international leaders conference. huli akong nakapunta noong first year hs pa ako. sana makaattend ulit ako. gayon din ang pumasa sa lahat ng mga subjects ko at makapagtravel sa camiguin. nais ko ring gumawa ng isang short story at makabili ng sketch pad. dapat mabili ko na rin ang stuff toy na eduardo latino before matapos ang taon. ang hirap kasing maghanap eh. sana matuto rin ako ng husto sa chemistry. di ko na kasi talaga kaya. T_T. higit sa lahat goal ko na tumaba para rin naman may mawowork out ko.

i never have the chance to express how thankful i am to jue and peyt for the year 2009. jue was the first one i talked to after breaking up. peyt, on the other hand, shared the same emotion kaya i felt na i’m not alone. aside from that, hayskul layp would never be cool and cruel without them. well, i’ve been telling them how much they mean to me and how i value they’re company these past few new year’s eve. idk if they even realized it. but i really mean those words. sa mga up pipx naman, nessa was my first ever friend. i’ve met her on the soep and we seemed to have something in common. she always help me on topics i can’t understand and give me some advises which i usually took for granted. jazer, mel and kevin were also great. they used to accompany me every meal. they’re really great and i hope you’ll meet them someday just to prove that good persons exist.

pasaway ako sa taong 2009. pasaway pa rin siguro ako sa 2010. di na siguro magbabago yun. i’m looking forward na sa loob ng 365 days ay maging masaya ako. i’m a dork t and i’m not making sense but still i’m blogging. idk why. i know i’ll never lose affection for people and things that went before. in my life, i loved them more.

goodbye 2009.hello 2010. XD.

2009is not yet over.

2009-12-31T12:49:00.000+08:00

yesterday was Rizal Day. and i said, what the ef?? why should i commemorate? is there any reason to do so? after passing history 1, i’ve learned that jose rizal is not my hero. i don’t want to be offensive but subsequent to reading books by constantino and agoncillo, it leaved me a mark. it says that rizal was just proclaimed as our national hero because of the American influence. they believed that setting rizal as an example would make Filipinos less aware of their right to fight, using weapons, for their freedom. i’ve also read that rizal was going to cuba to render medical support to Spaniards before he was arrested. imagine. well, you can’t blame him, he is a reformist and that explains all. they were just fighting out philippines to be a part of spain and be given same privileges with the Spaniards. for more data, just scan the books of constantino (philippines: past revisited)and agoncillo.

today is a busy day. i just got a new haircut and ‘ohmehn’; the scissors sucks. i hate the way the barber morbidly hacked my hair. he trimmed it just like trimming the bushes – no sense, no art, just cutting to make it short. ai na. i want to enumerate all the bad words just to express how disappointed i am with the cut. but it’s a public place, i just don’t want to be mean. etiquette please.

so, new year preparations? nothing new. same old story. same old happy story. same old happy and simple story. there are foods (as usual), fruits (as usual), drinks (as usual) and fire crackers (as usual). how i wish we had enough money to buy fireworks. but it wouldn’t be as economical as expected. 2010 should be started with frugality. kung ano lang yung kinakailangan. hindi naman ako mabubusog ng fireworks eh. and to think, our neighbors (for sure but not sure enough) will have some sort of pyro-exhibits. makikishare na lang kami. i mean manonood pala. XD. nywei, i’ll be preparing desserts. i’ll have to pack my clothes. i’ll be leaving for davao tomorrow afternoon. then i’ll have my flight back to ilo-ilo 6:30 am of January 2. by January 3, i’m expected to reach Miami (that’s miag-ao, ilo-ilo; folks used to call it miami because of the shoreline close to that of miami). though, i’m about to leave isulan by the new year’s day, i’ll drop at tacurong first to see anin, betx and norman. i missed them and they missed the get-together-sort-of-party last december 24. i should make the most of my stay here.

as soon as the class unravels on the 4th day of january, i’ll have to set my mind on its proper mind set. series of exams are expected to hit the university. little hell week is just the same us real hell week. hindi pa ako nakastudy sa math 53. my study mode relies on my roommates. there are pages on the book that i can roughly understand, there are pages that i can’t really understand and pages that i just don’t want to read. pimples and eye bags are hours away from me. they are waiting at room 18, balay kanlaon. whew. ate and jazer are transferring to diliman. and it scares me because i’ve been relying on them. pag magstudy sila, magsastudy ako. kung maglalaro, maglalaro. kung maglalasing, maglalasing. i can’t transfer to diliman because my parents won’t allow me. sayang lang ang pagiging CS ko. (i’ve been lying bout my CS-thing because i just don’t want people to put pressure. that’s why tinatago ko at kapag may nagtatanong, sinasabi ko na hindi ko alam. at kapag iniinsist nila, sinasabi ko na hindi. liar me.) so back to ate and pareng jazer, uhm, i’ll have to stand on my own.

oops. tumatawag na ang nanay ko, magluluto na raw ako. as if nagluluto talaga ako. manonood lang po ako sa nanay ko. andami ko pang lilinisin. gusto ko pa sana magshare ng mga resolutions ko at new year wishes, must-haves, must-dos, and must-nots. kaso paubos na rin tong globe broadband eh. erg. ang gastos kaya nito, prepaid kasi. yan talaga pag naghihikahos sa buhay. ciao for now.

latino heat signing off.

(wrong grammar and typo error - my apology.)